One day at a time

It's been quite a few days since I've been able to get on here and write anything. I really wanted to update this sooner....like on Monday...but I literally had NO time. It was a pretty crazy week with camp started. Add in my summer class to the mix and forget any relax time at all. It was really tough. I'm always so tired when I get home from camp anyway...and everyday this week I came home, ate something quick and used the rest of my night (3ish hours) to do school work. ugh! Usually by 8:30 (or 9 if I'm lucky) my brain becomes like a slug...it just stops functioning..ha. Forget writing papers or sources for my bibliography, I can't even keep my eyes open to watch something on TV.
It's been frustrating because I don't have enough time to give as much effort as I would like to..but I'm really trying hard to stay positive about it. I just keep telling myself that all I can really do is try my best, and that's it. I have 3 more weeks left, so right now I'm focusing on the day to day..because I really can't look ahead or I'll go nuts.

Things haven't really been getting better regarding my "spiritual life"..if that's what you want to call it. They might actually be worse.
ugh..I just feel so...lost. ?? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. This week was hectic, I already said that...not only couldn't I blog..I didn't get any God time at all..except for 5 measly minutes in the morning with my devotional book. I just can't shake this feeling that I'm doing everything all wrong, and God pretty much hates me for it. If He doesn't hate me, He certainly doesn't care. (and I do know this isn't true...but lately my heart just isn't getting it.) Everything has been "go, go, go" this week, and when I do stop for a minute it's really only long enough for me to realize that my heart is not in a good state...but I feel like I can't spend long enough to make it right again.
Camp has been really good, and I feel good when I'm there but whenever I think about God I feel like I'm not in a right place spiritually..so I don't bring things to God because I feel like I can't. Last Sunday the pastor gave a sermon about prayer (from Colossians 3)and I was excited that it was going to be about that because I had been thinking about prayer. It was good, but the thing that stuck out to me most was that ultimately when we pray we should pray for the gospel message and for people to come to Christ.
Well I know this is true, and I do this sometimes...but I feel like most of my prayers are me talking to God about my struggles. I like to tell God things that bother me, and just anything and everything on my mind...and I feel like I've heard multiple times, from multiple people that "God WANTS to hear about your life". I just felt like my pastor was contradicting that. He wasn't saying don't pray about those things...but I kind of felt like he was saying if you pray about anything...pray about this. So then I felt really convicted and I guess I'm just really confused now. So this week I haven't really been praying at all....

Yeah...

Satan?? I feel like he must be up to something. He is the one who is the father of LIES. Maybe it's him who is twisting what my pastor said to make it into something else..? I don't know. I just want to do what is right..and I feel like I don't even know what's right anymore. I felt like I knew a good bit of God's character but now I'm just confused. What if I have it wrong? =/ I also feel like I have no accountability now...and it's like the worst feeling ever.
I'm around people all day everyday but sometimes I feel like that's not enough. Sometimes I just need someone close to talk to but no one is around..
Most of the time I'm so busy that I don't think about it too hard..but when I do think about it I can't stand how it makes me feel. =/ Part of me feels like this is God wanting me to draw nearer to Him...and it might be..but it's still hard.

On another note, they posted junior block schedules and I found out Britt and I are in the same one...so that was the highlight of the week. :) And I know that was all God. We talked about how it would be great if were in the same block..but I didn't think it would actually happen. We've never had ANY classes together. There are FIVE sections of J-block and Britt could have been in Sped block..but nope. She ended up in Eled block section 91 with ME. :D Andd I was so excited because Dr. Topping will be my literacy prof and she is who I was hoping to get! It's really great how it worked out and it can only be God.
I've also been seeing a TON of robins lately... sooo it's not allll bad. :)