Thy Will Be Done

Today has been a very relaxing day off!

I slept in. (Which I absolutely love, love LOVE doing.)

I went to the gym and may or may not have embarrassed myself a little bit while trying out some new exercises with one of those rubber exercise balls. HA...

Ya know, I was really hoping no one would be back in that little section that has the balls, but of course there was a girl there today on a machine. I pretended she wasn't there and tried my ball routine anyway. ;)

I took an afternoon NAP! I can't even tell you when the last time I did that was. It was glorious.

I also started the book I mentioned yesterday called "Under the Overpass". I'm almost halfway done already. haa..it's very good. I won't tell you any of those stories because I don't want to spoil it for when you read it yourself... but I will share a quote I liked...

It's like trust means something different when you don't feel in control.

How very true.

This weekend at the mini retreat we were talking about how we often close ourselves up to things.

In my journal time, I wrote about how I close myself up when I have to deal with any change.

(I know you're thinking, here goes Kari talking about change...AGAIN. Bear with me)

I don't like change because when things are different and that makes life uncomfortable for me. I...like most everyone like things to be all cushy and comfy. I try to fight the change process, and I only make things harder on myself. I try to control it, and stop it from happening.

But I've been learning more recently that when I let it go, and give up my illusion of control....I just have to trust. A lot of the change right now deals with people in my life. Everyone is changing... obviously I can't control that, and so I have no other choice but to trust!

I wrote this the end of my journal time...

"If I don't welcome change, I'm denying myself chance for growth in all areas."

I can't ever grow if nothing ever changes...

God is teaching me to rely on Him because He is leading me. And He of course doesn't change. ever.

Hope you can make some sense out of that! ha

Happy Pres Day!

Original source of image can be found here.

Um..it'll be okay..

I haven't a post like this in a while.

but.. I feel really..weary? sad? scared? anxious?
all of the above?

:(

I HATE CHANGE, guys. =/

This sucks.

Why am I so bad at these life changes?

They're not bad..but they ARE different and it feels like too much change at once. It's making me feel anxious and scared...
I don't know why! (but I hate it!!ughh)

I am about to move.
I am about to live by myself.
I still don't really feel a close connection with new friends.
Still especially upsetting because certain friends I used to have don't really talk to me anymore. (wayyy frustrating, and sad)

I miss my church family from college. :(
I felt SUCH an amazing connection there and right now I don't feel that connection anywhere.
I feel like I have no real accountability.
I want more consistency in my life but right now..in this phase of life, unfortunately for me and my brain, things ARE going to keep changing. For the next couple of years most likely, there will continue to be big life changes.

I feel like it's to much to get through.

(I know, I'm sure I sound ridiculous)
Like, come on Kari, you're just moving,what's your deal??

But I seriously think I have some sort of imbalance in my brain that makes a change seem like a HUGE difference and a reason to feel scared. Even though really it's not true..and it WILL be okay.

Right? right??


..ahhh venting.

Saturday Morning thoughts...

So here are some thoughts...

I'm thinking that I need to give facebook a little break.

I've been pondering this and it just bothers me how I get so sucked in to it. I can literally spend hours on there. I'm not going to go so drastic as completely getting rid of it but I am going to try to stop going on it for a little while. I'll probably delete the app from my phone too...just to make the temptation a bit less strong.

It's ridiculous. I feel like it has become a legitimate addiction.

I'm hoping to spend a lot more time in God's word and with Him, instead of being filled by what friends do or do not say to me... I want to please Him and Him alone because I was made to do just that.

So...you can probably expect me to be blogging more....:)

Also..

I said I'm scared about the Fall...?

well yeah, I really ammm. Gahhh...

I'm not looking forward to any part of it. I'm terrified because I have no idea what will happen and what God is planning to do. Okay maybe it's a little bit exciting. but mostly it's just terrifying.

If you've read my blog for a while you're probably so sick of hearing it but...I just will never ever be good with change. It's hard.

Why does it have to be so dang hard?

If you would like to pray for me friends, pray that I would trust God to the full with His plans, and that the future would be a source of excitement and not terror...:)

Have a blessed weekend!

If I have to be honest...

If I have to be honest....

I've totally been slacking on this memorizing Bible verses thing. :( It makes me sad and upset with myself...grr I'm only behind by a couple of months I think...but still, it's harder than I thought to keep myself accountable..!

If I have to be honest...

I'm getting really scared about the upcoming Fall. It's my first one in four years that I won't be returning to college life. It's....weird. I don't know what will happen and I get really nervous. I'm not looking forward to the big transition of it, at all. Home here is such a haven, and I knoww it'll feel so weird for a while. =/ boo.

If I have to be honest...

I went to the dentist tonight, and I got so much novacaine that I can only smile with half my face....haahaha. No but seriously, it's rilll cute.

If I have to be honest....

I've kept up this blog for a lot longer than I thought I would, and I'm really, really glad! It's such a cool outlet and I love the fact that I have so many memories and feelings accessible so easily.

If I have to be honest...

One of the biggest reasons I'm excited to live apart from my parents is so that I can get a dog. No lie.

:)

Have a nice week everyone!

All about HIM

Week one of camp was a success! Now I am gearing up for a week with the 3rd graders.
There are a bunch of things planned during my evenings this week. I have a dentist appointment, I want to try ZUMBA! (has anyone done this?), and I'm going to Nifty-fifty's with camp people. (it's a really cool diner) It'll be fun and busy all at the same time.

Lately, from my own Bible reading, prayer, church, and conversations I've been realizing that this life is really ALL. ABOUT. GOD. and I need to give myself fully in surrender to Him. I mean, "duh" that seems overly obvious but it's sinking in for me again. I so often get upset about things that don't really matter, but when I have the attitude that Jesus IS my life, that I'm LIVING truly for Him and Him alone, those other things don't seem like quite as big of a deal.
Sometimes I get really easily upset about things and overreact to things that are so fleeting. BUT when I have the attitude that JESUS is my everything, those things can slide much more easily.

I've also been having the revelation..if you will...to be nice, even when you don't feel it and to be super nice when you want to be selfish. (and I'm really speaking for me personally more than anyone else) This can be put into the context of campers, and friends...just having the attitude of putting others before myself. It makes for a much happier world I have noticed, when I am giving of myself more, rather than having a negative attitude and wanting to react in a selfish manner. It goes back to this life being allll about Jesus.

1. This life isn't about me.
2. This life is about Jesus.
3. I will pour out my life for others to glorify HIM.

Sounds like a good plan.

:)

Bitter sweet

I have a lot on my mind right now.

There are so many scattered thoughts just swimming around in this brain of my mine right now and I'm blogging to sort through them...or attempt to anyway.

This week at school is over for me. Tomorrow student teachers have this mandatory interviewing seminar so we have to go to that. It's in the morning and then IF we have a second placement (which I do) we meet with our new supervisor in the afternoon some time.

Next week is my LAST week student teaching in 1st grade. =/ It's going to be so sad come next Friday. My teacher told the students that I wouldn't be there tomorrow because of this thing tomorrow and a bunch of them came and gave me hugs..haa and they were like I don't want you to leave. ughh...I might cry. hah.

At the same time, I was SO beyond THRILLED for this week to be over because now I'm done teaching in that room. Like I said, some of those behaviors were a lot to handle and felt like too much at times...mehh. idk. Next week I'll just be meeting one on one with kiddos and doing things for my teacher. It will be a nice transition time.

Honestly, I'm very surprised to say that I'm looking forward to my next placement. (??!?) I can't believe it. I don't know where on earth these feelings are coming from but they are there. Let me just tell you, when I found out my placements in Novemebr and I realized this second placement was in 6th grade and that it was MIDDLE school style- I was not happy. (to say the least)

Okay....honesty hour.
I was crying. hah. Yeah. I did that. I even emailed the placement office and asked if they could please switch me.
They said no. (my cert is from K-6 so it is a valid placement blah blah)

but ANYWAY-now I'm happy about it!! The school is all 6th grade. It should be a very interesting experience and I'm really looking forward to it.

So yes, I'm very sad to leave first grade and my SUPER AMAZING coop, but I am excited for this new placement. Having just one really does get old. I can't really imagine being there until May.

So that's that.

I'm super, pumped for this weekend! I'm getting to see (hopefully) two of best friends :) :)
I'm stoked. SO so so stoked.
I haven't seen both in a while and it'll be oh so sweet to catch up and laugh and have fun with each of them.

I'm still so in awe of God.

I haven't gotten as much time with Him this week as I did last week. :( But besides that I still feel joy and peace and just...settled.

Today my supervisor came to observe my math lesson and I was nervous. She emailed me my mid-placement evaluation (which was DUE on Feb 14 *ahem*) and I saw that it wasn't too great. or kind. So I wasn't excited about her coming. God totally reassured my heart though. He just reminded me that it doesn't matter what she thinks really. Ultimately I find my worth in God and others' judgements don't make me or change who I am as a person.

I can do ANYTHING in God. Think about that statement. Really think about it.
It doesn't matter if I mess up. Tomorrow is always a new day I can keep striving to be my best. Every day. And every. single. day. God is WITH me. Helping me. and bringing me comfort, joy, peace, love and SO much moreee. :)

Time goes too fast. It makes me kind of sad and mixed up..=/ It's GOOD. but mehh, it's scary and I want time to slow down.

sighh... hope everyone had a fabulous Thursday!