News....

So I have some news.......

on Tuesday.....about four days after my interview with the fourth grade teachers I found out that (more than likely)....


I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!! 

You're probably reading a blog of a brand spankin' new FOURTH GRADE TEACHER!!!! AHH!

I'm. so. excited.

Now, I say "more than likely" and "probably"....because we are still in the process of moving things forward. There are a lot of steps to take in this big-girl-job process, but we're getting there. So while it's not officially official, we're basically on the last step and once the principal catches one more of my references she'll give me the go ahead to hand in my two weeks notice.

On that Tuesday she emailed me and told me that the fourth grade teachers thought I would be a good fit with the students and we briefly talked on the phone. She let me know that she would start calling my references and then submit for board approval.

I asked a few days later about time frame, and she informed me that we would not be waiting for board approval....so in other words she just wanted to touch base with my references.
I spoke with her last night and she said she's feeling very good about it...but also that she was only able to talk with one of my references and has been playing phone tag with the other. She wants to have at least one more but also said she doesn't think she'll hear anything that isn't positive.

SO....that's where we're at.

I am so excited that I got a job. Moving to a new place however, gives me a little bit of nerves. It's obviously really scary and I'm not sure how I will cope with that.

I know God led me here though, and so I'm trying my hardest to trust in Him and not get too ahead of myself with worries. (especially about the not-knowing) If I'm upset, I can cope with those feelings when they come, IF they come.

God has given me little glimpses of His hand in this. Things that might be coincidences to the non-believer but ones that I KNOW are from God.

Like.....
*One of the fourth grade teachers is from New York and her Grandma LIVES in a town 10 MINUTES FROM WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW! (....sayyy whattt??) ((and it's no big town, people))

*I have this thing with cardinals and God...it's kind of personal so I won't explain more than that, but the state bird of NC is a Cardinal! (and I've seen some dash in front of my car the past few days)

*My best friend's cousin lives near where I'll be moving.

*I was emailing back and forth with someone of the apartment building I am looking into and came to find out SHE JUST MOVED FROM PENNSYLVANIA TOO! Lives in Bloomsburg....going to school in NC. Can you say....whhaaattt

*There are at least TWO teachers at the school where I'm going that are from PA.

*I've been in a position of computer teacher for the past year and a half. Dealing with technology errrday....and this school (while being a public school) is also a school of TECHNOLOGY! How awesome is that?

There are just so many pieces that are fitting together that click and I know it's God. When things happen so smoothly like this, and doors just keep opening....it's gives an added peace and comfort that God is behind it.
:) He's just so faithful.

More on this later. (obviously) ha

Time for church!

Thoughts on Anxiety

I'm itching to blog.

My parents came up yesterday to swap cars with me.
When they got here we went to lunch.

"What are you doing? Am I making you nervous?"
" No, Dad, you're not making me nervous...why would I be nervous....."
"You're all shaky"
"It's what I do. I shake my legs...it's just a thing I do."
"Okay...we all have our things. I do this (biting his nails) and I have to put up with cats who have there own problems..."
: |


Dad:..."So my birthday is on the last day of the world."
Me: "It won't be the end of the world because no one knows the time....like a thief in the night"
Dad: "That's the rapture, I'm not talking about the rapture"
Me: "Same thing."
Dad:"If Jesus comes he'll come before the end of the world. So it'll be a couple days before my birthday."
Me: "Well, that's fine with me. I've had enough...."

That made my parents laugh, but I really would rather be in Heaven, who wouldn't??

Yesterday was a particularly anxiety ridden day for me. All I wanted to do was hide under my bed and sleep. But my parents were here and so I couldn't.
I was talking to my mom while laying on my couch with the blanket over my head. Dad walks in from outside and goes...."Where is she??" (no really, he was serious)
"I'm right here dad"
Dad walks out and back in a few minutes later.
"where'd she go??"
Me to Mom...."is this an invisible blanket?"

Any way, I realized that I've been this anxiety person for my whole life.
I remembered the time when I was younger and I had just gotten a new bike.
After we brought it home, I didn't feel right.
"I feel weird, Mom..." I remember saying. I realize now it's because I didn't know the words to say "I'm really anxious".

You're probably thinking who gets anxiety over a NEW bike??

Anything new, anything different, if it means change in any type of way, it probably gives me anxiety.
It's something I wish I didn't have to deal with, but it's a part of my personality. If you struggle with it too, know that God KNOWS and He will always grant His peace. He is always bigger than it.

Um..it'll be okay..

I haven't a post like this in a while.

but.. I feel really..weary? sad? scared? anxious?
all of the above?

:(

I HATE CHANGE, guys. =/

This sucks.

Why am I so bad at these life changes?

They're not bad..but they ARE different and it feels like too much change at once. It's making me feel anxious and scared...
I don't know why! (but I hate it!!ughh)

I am about to move.
I am about to live by myself.
I still don't really feel a close connection with new friends.
Still especially upsetting because certain friends I used to have don't really talk to me anymore. (wayyy frustrating, and sad)

I miss my church family from college. :(
I felt SUCH an amazing connection there and right now I don't feel that connection anywhere.
I feel like I have no real accountability.
I want more consistency in my life but right now..in this phase of life, unfortunately for me and my brain, things ARE going to keep changing. For the next couple of years most likely, there will continue to be big life changes.

I feel like it's to much to get through.

(I know, I'm sure I sound ridiculous)
Like, come on Kari, you're just moving,what's your deal??

But I seriously think I have some sort of imbalance in my brain that makes a change seem like a HUGE difference and a reason to feel scared. Even though really it's not true..and it WILL be okay.

Right? right??


..ahhh venting.

That dreaded word...

Change.

It's that word I loathe.

I try my best to steer clear of it.

Avoid it.

I fear it.

Most days I pretend that I can handle that word all on my own.

It makes me feel all, scrambled up inside.

It feels like I just got settled and I can already feel the winds of change coming my way again.

It feels like everything I put some comfort and reliance on is going to crumble soon like an old stone building.

I'm thinking about moving again which is kind of exciting, but it's stressful. Especially because I have like no money.

I'm not certain about it yet, but the idea is there, therefore my brain feels the need to worry and obsess over it.

I'm scared because I don't think I've ever lived by myself, and let's just say the apartments that are the cheapest leave out some of the "safety" element. Not that they're not safe, they just don't feel as safe.

Let me just tell you, it's not easy to find an affordable apartment, near my job, that also allows for pets and feels homey and safe. ha

not like I've been looking all day or something.......noooo. not me...

I've also found myself worrying about the job thing again. Ugh! I'm so blessed and thankful for my job now, and I really do love it there. I don't necessarily love the job itself all the time, but I love everything about the school... It's just that sometimes I get caught up in wondering about what I'll do next year.

It's another one of those things though, I can't know...until it comes...so I have to wait and trust.

That's hard.

bleh. I've been so frustrated with people lately.

I keep finding myself thinking..."whyyy did you just say that?!"

Like...? people frustrate me and I don't understand them sometimes.

It reminds me that I need to make sure I myself am thinking before I speak because I don't want to hurt another persons' feelings like they hurt me, with their words.

..but life goes on I guess.

It's the little things

It's Tuesday and I'm actually getting to my blog!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. (well...sort of hah)

Whenever I stop and think about the way things are right now, I just still feel kind of uneasy.

I miss the way things used to be.

When they were comfortable.

When I was in college.

When certain friends made more of an effort. (it seriously bums me out when I care more than others...or they are "busy" if you want to put it that way.)

When I got to KNOW what was coming next. Like within the next month even.

mehhh.

I'm not spending nearly enough time in God's word as I should be and I feel like that is part of the problem. :(

I really miss the caregroup days, when we would meet weekly to read and talk about scripture with each other. We prayed for each other every week and updated about our praises and problems. I miss that so much it makes me sad inside. I don't have that right now... and I think that's part of the problem. My accountability is definitely less these days. =/

I was reminded from someone else's blog title about something I said in another post before I even moved here. It was about how I need to spend time WITH God and in His word to know where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. It was a good reminder for tonight.

I have been very blessed this week to have had sub jobs Mon, and today, as well as tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a half day, which excites me for a few reasons.

1. I will get to sleep in.

2. I can get to Derry Township and drop off more of my sub papers

3. I can call Bear Creek about their LTS position

:)

Do you want to hear the funniest part of my day today in 2nd grade? Well....I'm telling you.

There was a little girl raising her hand and she was looking at a book. I came over to her and said "yup?" She pointed to a picture and said "..what are those frogs doing??" I looked at the picture and there was one frog was on top of another frog. ..... hahah. I said..."well, they're mating." She said...."ohhhh!"

;) But I'm not sure she actually understood what that meant. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud, I'm telling you! Hope that made you smile though. hahaha it certainly made me smile inside.

It's the little things.

New Church

Hi blog world.

It's been a whole week since I last blogged..whoops!

Not sure why that happened, because I didn't get sub jobs allll week. (with the exception of Friday when I subbed in 3rd grade!)

I'm feeling a lot better than I was feeling last Sunday. That was tough...

Later on I was thinking and praying and I think it was sort of God's way of telling me that I can't MAKE things work that just don't, even if it's what I would want to happen.

Me feeling so badly about it was kind of a sign I think, or a door closing, so that I would have to try something else there. I really have nothing against that church but there really isn't a place for me to grow and be involved.

God was like..."Can't you see Kari? Try something else..."

He has something better for me than that.

This morning I went to a church called CBC and I really enjoyed it.

On their website they have a lot of Adult Fellowship Groups listed and it said they had one for ages 22-29. I had emailed earlier this week to see what room it was in, and I went there before the service. (it was like a Sunday school class). At first I wasn't so sure because, except for one other woman, I was the only single person in the room. haha. BUT I still really liked it and enjoyed myself. The people seem really awesome. Some are older than me (well, most) some are pregnant, one couple even has a couple of kids....but I felt SO welcome there. After we were done, a lady talked to me and they were saying there are other singles, but they just weren't there... I said is it okay that I'm here? And they were like "ohh yeahh!" , I'm not uncomfortable with it so if I can go there I want to. They seem like a group of people that I would love to be friends with.

She told me they do a lot of things together and that she would include me in the emails if I gave her my info.

The church itself is a really big church. They have two services, and there are a lot of people....but I really liked it. I think I'll go there again next week.

During the message this morning, the pastor was talking about how WE, as the church body, need to be Jesus to people wherever we are. It was a really neat reminder. He had a bunch of stories that he read to us as examples.

WE need to share the truth that we know with others. With everyone we encounter, we need to be Jesus. (our co-workers, friends, family, neighbors, anyone we encounter)

He gave a couple of reference verses, my favorite was John 1:14

¹⁴And the Word (Christ) became flesh (human, incarnate) and tabernacled (fixed His tent of flesh, lived awhile) among us; and we [actually] saw His glory (His honor, His majesty), such glory as an only begotten son receives from his father, full of grace (favor, loving-kindness) and truth.^(E)

He discussed us being "incarnational" rather than "invitational"...Meaning it's good to invite people into OUR Christian environment, but at the same time we should BE Jesus to the people around us. Just like when Jesus CAME to earth in the flesh.

In other news, I named another one of the kittens. ha. Yeah. I did that. Her name is Sydney (Bristow). So there is now Beatrice and Sydney B. :)

hahah

I've also been doing a lot of crocheting lately. I've learned how to read patterns and it's so fun!

Here is a hat I made that I am pretty proud of. :)

I will be making many more things in the future. :) I really want to try to make some booties! There are so many fun ideas on Pinterest.

Hope you had a relaxing, enjoyable weekend!

Can I hold something??

I'm having sort of a difficult time right now.

It probably doesn't help one bit that I was home for a lonng...(SUPER LONG) weekend.

I just strongly dislike this feeling that I don't know where my life is going. It's reaaaallllyyy tough for me right now. :(

I NEED a routine. I need consistency, to feel OKAY. and right now...I just don't have it.

There is nothing in my life right now that I feel I can "grasp" hold of and breathe a sigh of relief that I know what's coming. I just want to hold on to something. I want to know it won't change.

I want to know I'll have a job. I want to know I'll find a good church and meet nice new friends. I want to know I'll have a permanent living space.

But I don't know ANYTHING and it's making me SO anxious. =/

I know, I know...you're saying cling to God! He won't change! And I know it in my head, but my heart's not feelin it right now. blehh

On my way home I was thinking about making new friends...and all that comes with that. It's been quite a while since I've made any new friends... Do I even remember how?!

haa...do you ever feel like that?

Well, I feel that new friends are coming my way with all this new-ness. New church. New job.

New friends. It just makes sense..you see? ;)

mehh. So that is that friends.

well this is different

Well, I'm no longer a nomad....at least, for now anyway.

I'm moved in at my friends house and the overall feeling that I'm getting is that life right now is just weird.

And different.

And not comfortable.

(and I don't like that!!!)

It was awesome seeing so many of my friends this past weekend-ish. I'm kind of glad that I have some down time this week because I feel like I've been on the run around. Who knows when subbing will pick up, hopefully it won't be too long.

I got the babysitting job I posted about here. !! Soooo excited about it. I met the kiddos on Saturday and they are the sweetest kids everrrr. There is a little girl who just turned 4 and a little boy who is 18 months. I'll be watching them this Wednesday for the first time and I'm stoked. The little girl practically begged me to stay and play with her, and counted the days until she would see me..! hahaa if that doesn't melt your heart, I don't know what will.

I dropped off one of my sub applications at a district I want to be in and realized I need my social security card which I don't have =/

sooo, since I was planning on going home this weekend anyway, it looks like I will definitely be going home to get that and a few other things. PLUS it's my birthday weekend (22 on Friday!) so it'll be nice to be home for that. I need to present that form of ID before Sep. 12th because that's when they are having a board meeting (where they present the sub names to be approved)

This morning I met with my amazing mentor and friend Kylee because she was in the area. We went to the park and caught up on life. I was telling her about my attempt at this church I visited on Sunday, and how I'm a little frustrated because it seems like mostly old people, families and young couples who are married. Umm...where do I fit in..??

I kind of feel like I don't fit anywhere, but I just need to find something where there are other people like mee. I'm thinking about trying out Saturate which is a larger, (VERYY LARGE) group of 18-29 year olds who meet together like church on Tuesday nights, but apparently they also have smaller life groups that I would like to check out.

I want to fit in somewhere! We'll see...

I'm almost thinking about joining a gym. I want to try Zumba! :) The one around here is only 10 bucks a month, which isn't bad.

Also- there are a BUNCH of stray cats that live and hang out on my friend's back porch..! haa like there must be at least ten. I pull my car up and there is one little kitten that always comes over for me to pet it. And it purrs. :) I want to take it inside and have it be my pet..haha but that won't happen. I'm allergic to cats, I'm pretty sure...so I shouldn't even touch them but I can't resist! They're too cute.

That's the one that always comes over. I'm trying to think up a name for it. (I think it's a she) any suggestions? :)

I still don't know my way around to go anywhere from here, so my GPS has been my best friend.

So those are my life updates. Have a good week everyone!

Newness

Hey yall :)

(I'm not southern but sometimes I like to pretend I am :)

It feels like it's been a while since I've posted anything. I'm not really sure why...

Summer is almost over :( It's so bitter sweet but mostly just bitter. haha

I've been pretty anxious the past week. I'm planning on moving out on Monday or Tuesday of next week. I'll be moving an hour and a half to the area in which I went to school.

I have a bunch of stuff to work out with subbing and the schools I would like to be at. It would also be nice to just get settled in before school starts.

In case you don't remember(or haven't heard), I am moving in with a friend and her family. They are graciously letting me use one of their now occupied bedrooms until I find something more permanent.

I don't even have to say how much I hate change...but it's still true. The medicine I take helps A LOT with my anxiety, but I can still feel a little worried like any normal person would. And it's not even worry exactly just the anticipation of it all. I'm anxious for it all to get rolling and to see how it will be.

I'll also be trying to connect to a new church....so that should be interesting.

ahh....it's just so much newness in a very short amount of time. But I guess it'll be ready or not...here I come "real world."

Do not be afraid of change

So yesterday, shortly after posting about being terrified of the coming Fall and all the change, I read this on "She Seeks".

"Your twenties are, by default, a transient decade. It’s the decade where you will likely do the most growing and changing. If you think about it, there’s a big difference between someone who is nineteen and someone who is thirty. All of that difference transpires during a person’s twenties. As you navigate this decade: enjoy yourself. Use God and His Word as a standard for how you should live your life — not some list you wrote on the back of a napkin, or in the pages of your journal, one night when you were brainstorming a list of what a perfect life would look like.

Micah 6:8 says, “He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?”

Do justice. Love kindness. Walk humbly with your God. Those three things won’t look exactly the same in every season of life.

Many things in life aren’t just about the good we’re doing in the moment. They’re about how they’re shaping us and preparing us for whatever lies up ahead.

Do not be afraid of change. Lean into growth every chance you get. You can still keep a running list of everything you want to accomplish in your twenties. But hold it loosely."

Pretty cool huh?

I sure thought so! God speaks in the most amazing way and I sure felt a lot of comfort from that!!

:)

Saturday Morning thoughts...

So here are some thoughts...

I'm thinking that I need to give facebook a little break.

I've been pondering this and it just bothers me how I get so sucked in to it. I can literally spend hours on there. I'm not going to go so drastic as completely getting rid of it but I am going to try to stop going on it for a little while. I'll probably delete the app from my phone too...just to make the temptation a bit less strong.

It's ridiculous. I feel like it has become a legitimate addiction.

I'm hoping to spend a lot more time in God's word and with Him, instead of being filled by what friends do or do not say to me... I want to please Him and Him alone because I was made to do just that.

So...you can probably expect me to be blogging more....:)

Also..

I said I'm scared about the Fall...?

well yeah, I really ammm. Gahhh...

I'm not looking forward to any part of it. I'm terrified because I have no idea what will happen and what God is planning to do. Okay maybe it's a little bit exciting. but mostly it's just terrifying.

If you've read my blog for a while you're probably so sick of hearing it but...I just will never ever be good with change. It's hard.

Why does it have to be so dang hard?

If you would like to pray for me friends, pray that I would trust God to the full with His plans, and that the future would be a source of excitement and not terror...:)

Have a blessed weekend!

Clean, pack, move. Repeat.

I'm still here at school chugging along.

I started subbing this week!

Here's an outline:

Monday: Hung out with my amazing friend Alex.


Tuesday: Subbed 5th grade. (Went to the WRONG elementary school and arrived at the RIGHT one about 45 minutes late. Yeah. I did that.)

Wednesday: Subbed 2nd grade.

Thursday: Subbed K3. (Kinder for 3 and 4 year olds)

and on the docket for today is.... MOVING. I'm planning on living with my friend Courtney and her family. They have graciously offered for me to stay in one of their non-occupied rooms for a low-renting price. :)

I'm moving some things over there and then moving home for the summer sometime next week.

and can I just say, I am so not a fan of this packing, organizing, and moving stuff. It stresses me out! The house looks like complete CHAOS and I feel like it's solely my job to clean it. It's a bit overwhelming.

I've also been really discouraged about this whole job-hunting experience.

I'm sure it's tough anyways but for now it's near impossible. I feel like I'll never get a real job. And that...makes me sad. Really sad.

So now, it's off to organize, pack and clean like it's my J-O-B!]

Have a good day friends!

Graduation and weekend recap

wow- well somehow I've gotten myself into the habit of blogging on Tuesday's. Ha. Not quite sure how THAT happened. :)

These past few days have been such a whirlwind. It's been tough to keep up reading others' blogs let alone writing my own posts!

I'm happy to say that I am now a college GRADUATE!!! :D Yay. It is WEIRD. and exciting. all at the same time.



I want to go back a few days to last Thursday. It was my last day of student teaching in sixth grade! It was such a nice, bitter-sweet day. I have learned SO much throughout this whole placement.
If you remember, I was not such a happy camper when I started there. I was really negative and I wasn't sure I would get along with this new co-op as well as I did with my old one from 1st grade. If I'm being honest about it, I really judged her a lot.
I'm so sorry for it now, and God and I have "talked" about it a lot. I've learned that I can never ever judge people by any circumstance. Even if they do or say things I wouldn't. I grew to absolutely LOVE my 6th grade co-op and I developed SO much respect for her. It makes me angry at myself that I was so quick to judge her, but it's a lesson I know God had me learn by experience.
Anyway-each class period had a little party for me with cookies from my co-op and dum-dum lollipops from me. They spent the period making me cards and I went home with about a zillion, each with their pictures on them!

My teacher also made me a book with pictures of each class that I taught and had them sign the pages. It was so nice!! :) I'll miss them.

I felt really rushed to leave, which I didn't like, because I had to get back to school for grad practice at 4pm.

Friday was spent with good friends which was nice.

Saturday was GRAD! It was at 10am. My parents and grandparents came to my apt early and my roommie and I drove over together because we needed to be there at 9.

It was the MOST gorgeous day. I couldn't have asked for better weather.
Afterwards I hang out with my fam. We went to Applebee's and came back to my house for presents. :) (Mother's day and grad gifts.)

I got this super cute apple charm for my pandora bracelet.


and my most favorite gift of ALL.......



I got a Nikon D3100!!!!!

I've been wanting a nice DSLR camera so that I can get more into photography. :)) I still haven't had much time yet to sit down and learn things, but oh, I will.
I'm excited to glorify God with this new hobby. :)

So after the awesome time with my fam, they left and my best friend Christin came from Ship to sleepover. It was the best. day. ever.

We reenacted my graduation.



:)

Since then, there has been a lot packing, a lot of moving stuff, a lot of praying and reflecting. I'm ready for the change but it still feels very weird.

Up next is (anticipated) subbing. Moving out of my college house for good, and then living at home for the summer to work at camp!

Woo...God is GOOD!

On Christ the solid Rock I stand

HAPPY EASTER!! He is risen! Hallelujah :))))

It may seem kind of weird that I am in fact blogging on Easter, but today in my mind will be a day to relax, soak in Jesus and "veg".

Lately, I haven't been spending as much devotion time with God as I would like to be. I haven't been getting up on time to read in the morning, and I've been pretty busy. I'm starting to get the feeling that God is mad or disappointed but this morning I was thinking about a sermon that I heard and wrote about one time. God isn't mad when we feel like WE are doing "bad"...and He isn't happy when we feel like we are doing "good". He loves us no matter what and He sees our hearts. I'm so thankful today for God's grace and His relationship that He freely offers to His children. Every one.

Last night a really scary thing happened.

A couple of friends and I went to Rita's water ice at around 9:20 ish. We were standing in line there while one of us was ordering and this man walked really fast up to the counter and he was wearing a mask. He shouted at us to "get the **** out of here!" and we ran to the car. He was trying to rob the Rita's! It was the scariest thing ever. The Rita's employees huddled together in the back of the store and they called the police. The guy ran away and the police came pretty quickly. We had to talk to them because we were the main witnesses who saw the man. We described to the police what he was wearing and they thought they might have had him at a local train station. One of the police officers took us in his car to see if it was him...but we didn't think so because he had different clothes on than we saw. So, they let that man go I guess.

The scariest part was thinking about what COULD have happened. He could have had a gun. He could have touched us. He could have.. stolen OUR things. But PRAISE GOD we are safe! So many things could have happened, but nothing did!! God was so totally keeping us from harm.

That experience just reminded me how messed up this world is. I was thinking about that man last night. He isn't just a "bad guy". He was once a child. He had/has some sort of family and he has a personality. What would make him do that? What happened in this guys life that he turned out that way? He needs God. Our world is an evil place because of "the fall" and that's reality. I'm NOT exempt from the harm of this world and bad things can happen. I'm so grateful we're okay.


In other news.. I'm graduating in 12 DAYS!!!! SO excited :))

I think I have (sort of) decided that I am going to live in the area near school about 25 minutes west of where I go to school now. A friend of mine has offered a room in her home to me and it's right near schools that I want to work in, and a couple of best friends that I would get to be near. For now...I'm thinking I'll live there, but hey...it could change. ;)

Yesterday I went to a birthday party (before the Rita's incident) for an 18 year old and it made me feel really old. They are all graduating high school and moving on to college and I'm graduating from college. Soon to start real life. It's a weird feeling...

Hope everyone enjoys their Easter and family time! Jesus is RISEN. :)

I'm dangling...but He's holding me

My "official" full teaching week in 6th grade is complete! It was a very good week and I've been learning so much about teaching and about myself in the process.

This brain of mine has a lot of thoughts swimming around up there. (What else is new?)

Last night Amanda and Kathi and I met for dinner to have a heart to heart time. We used to be in prayer group together last year but this year we don't all get to talk and pray together like we used to. Last time we got together was in November (?) I think... So it had been a while!

I was telling Kathi about where I'm at right now, and how I'm in this "major transition" season in my life, and I just don't know for now where I will end up.

She told me this AWESOME analogy that I'm still meditating on. (She has SO much Godly wisdom, and I admire her SOO so very much!)

She told me that really, for the past four years or so, I've been in this "bubble"... called college. Now though, that's all about to change. I'm moving into a completely new season and it's like I'm a plant needing to be "planted" somewhere else.
God has pulled me up out of this soil (or pot) that I've been in for the past four years and right now it's like I'm just dangling. He is holding me but I don't know where my "roots" will be planted next. She told me about how there is a lot of growing that happens and faith and trust that develops in this period of "dangling".

Boy, is she right! I've felt exactly like that. I know it's time to "move on" to another bigger pot so that I can grow even more, I just don't know where that will be yet or what it will look like. It takes a lot of faith and trust to believe that God will plant me in the perfect place and wherever that is, He will help me to grow even more.

She said something else that I really loved. Something to the effect of "..and if it doesn't feel like the perfect fit, it's a time of preparing you for that time and place that will be the perfect fit." I just loved that.

So here I am, just dangling, and trying to be patient as God leads me where He wants me. :)


I've been thinking lately about how short of time is truly left until I graduate! I realized I don't even have anymore five-day weeks left. Next week, and the following week we have a day off for Easter, and then my last week is over on Thursday. Eeeek! So excitingggg and very crazy to think about.

It feels like such an accomplishment and I just haven't been able to help looking back at my whole college life and thinking how much things have changed. The people in my life have changed, come and gone, relationships have formed and gotten deeper, and I'VE grown so much I can't even believe it. I feel like a different person than I was when I came here as a freshman. God had blown me away time and time again. I have been stretched way beyond my comfort zone and been challenged in ways I couldn't begin to imagine. Even so, I know those times are nothing to the life I still have ahead.

I was planning on doing a "fill in the blank Friday" on this post, but I don't want it to get TOO long so I'll stop there..!

If anyone who reads this is interested in buying a Japan relief coin purse that I've made or has questions EMAIL me! I'm still selling them. :)

I'll end with the thought that I had today of blogging. I just LOVE it. I love reading so many encouraging blogs and stories of other women in Christ. (That's means YOU!) It really fills me up in a way and puts a smile on my face. It's also been an amazing outlet for me and my own awesome record of my "ups and downs"..if you will. :)

Be blessed!!

This is different..

Thanks for the prayers!! :)

I definitely felt a lot more calm today than I was feeling this morning. I was SO nervous!

I introduced myself with a word cloud that I made on Wordle.If you haven't heard of it, check it out. It's AWESOME. and fun. :)

but anyway, I told them a little about me, (verrry little haha) and then asked if they had any questions. There weren't usually more than 1 or 2. (she teaches 4 different classes)Then I made a word cloud to represent each period. Some classes seemed more willing to participate than others. but oh well. It worked out nicely for the most part. The kiddos aren't as old as I imagined them being....if ya know what I mean. ;)

It is verrry different though from my 1st grade placement. Not bad. Just different. Hmmmm. This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life lately. God must be up to something.

She basically teaches the same science lesson all day, three times..and then a different lesson for language arts. It's strange. Way different feel than an elementary building.

I know there's a reason I'm there though. And it will be for GOOD.

The kids do seem pretty awesome. ya know...I guess. ;)


PS. MY ROOMMATES ARE BACK and this makes me soooooooooooo SO SOOO HAPPY!! :D It's so nice. Really. I love them. :) The end.

Have a blessed week!

New things

I wish I would have updated this at least once this past week but somehow my nights just got away from me.

Spring break for students was this past week so my roommates were both home while I was still around going to 1st grade everyday. It was weird being by myself all week, but not as bad as I thought it would be. (the nights go quick) I am glad they will be back though this week!

1st grade is now over. :( I'm pretty sad about it. It was the best placement ever. I won't ever forget those kiddos or my coop. They were all SO wonderful.
Yesterday they had a little party for me and they surprised me with cards and a basket full of children's books, professional books, and other things like markers, hand sanitizer, paper clips..etc. It was so nice! My coop also let me photo copy anything of hers that I wanted =) So needless to say, after school (it was a crazy day and the only time was after school) I spent some time in the copy room. ;) I copied a lot, but I decided it was time to leave when it was getting dark and mine was one of 3 cars left in the parking lot. haha.

Here's a picture of me with the class! Best class EVER!


Here's also a picture of me with my goodbye gifts from the kids/teacher..!


I came home for the weekend so that I could pretend I got a spring break too. ;)
This morning I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and stressed. There are just SO many unknowns in my life right now. I have so many thoughts going through my head and I sort of feel like I'm spinning around and around in circles. It's just so much change all at once.
I'm still trying to reflect on my last day and 1st grade time, thinking about all the new changes of 6th grade, where I will live next year, finding a job, working on interviews..etc. It feels like a lot.

I'm so scared of all of this stuff that is so unknown. I'm so confused as to why I'm graduating at a time like this. It's SO bad for teachers right now. Especially in Pennsylvania where I live. Teachers are getting furloughed left and right and here I am newly graduating. Of course I want a job, but it's starting to seem less and less realistic and it's really confusing. Why NOW? Right now when I'm graduating is the time when public education is becoming a state of chaos..? I want to say how come God? Why now? It doesn't make sense?

As I was praying this morning I heard God reassuring me to TRUST Him. He knows the way. It doesn't make sense to me, but He is still the one leading. I heard Him reminding me to rely on His strength. As I spent more and more time praying and paging through my Bible I started to feel better and less overwhelmed. It's so neat how God puts things in perspective when we bring them to Him.
He filled me with peace and made the "room stand still". :)

"Great the Lord and highly to be praised; and His greatness is so vast and deep as to be unsearchable." Psalm 145:3

"Great is our Lord and of great power. His understanding is inexhaustible and boundless." Psalm 147:5

Also- I'm really loving this memorizing scripture verses idea. It's amazing how breaking down the verses really helps to understand the verse even more. I'm posted my march verses today. :)

Happy weekend!

(Ps. How do you feel about my blog redesign? I was experimenting with wordle for a way to introduce myself in 6th grade and found that I could make one from the words in my blog! How neat?! So I made a new header and then revamped the whole thing because nothing else matched!)

I need routine..!

I need a routine...in the WORST way.

Don't get me wrong today's snow ICE day, was lovely and wonderful and made me happy to relax...buut at the same time, this weather is messing me all up..! I haven't been to school on a Tuesday YET this semester...ha, can you believe that..? This is crazy!
Routines really make me feel so much better about life...I'm not sure what it is about them. I feel so out of whack though, and sort of home-sick at the moment.

This morning in my time that I set aside for God I had a lot of time to write in my prayer journal.

I've realized lately that I've been hearing this subtle conviction that I'm keeping an idol in my life. The "American Dream".

It's so hard to admit because I know how wrong it is, but I so badly have this desire to be a wife and mommy...more than almost anything else. I want a Godly family of my own. I want to live in a house with my own family and live that "perfect life".

It's not realistic. (the perfect life part...)

That's what I feel like I've been striving after, which is difficult because all I can do really is wait, and pray about those types of things.
Sometimes I feel like when I finally have those things, I'll be content..even though I know that's not true.

I know in my heart of hearts that only God can truly satisfy and that I need Him first and foremost to fill me.

I've also still been thinking about next year and direction for my life. When I feel like I've decided I keep changing my mind...and at this point I still don't know what I want. I would love to stay out here in this area, but at the same time I feel like I wouldn't mind living at home for a year. I just don't know. It's scary though.

After praying this morning my devotion was so great. It reminded me to take things ONE day at a time. I can look at the scary mountain looming ahead and think about that, OR I can look at the path right in front of me and focus on today, trusting God for what will come.

I think I'll pick the latter of the two!

I'll leave you with a song I've been hearing on the radio lately that I like a lot. :)

Everything is better with God

Welp, It's almost that time again. Time to go back to school.

I'm sort of dreading it, as usual.

I LOVE it when I'm there, but I just love home so much, I get so attached to being here after four weeks. I know I'll be homesick at first and I'm not looking forward to it.:(

Plus, it's my LAST semester as an UNDERGRAD!! That's CRAZY!

I'm sort of really nervous to go back. =/ Because of what happened a week or so ago when I was there..(the meds) I'm much more afraid to leave home. What if something happens..?

I'm learning in this time more than ever that I NEED to lean on God. I sort of feel like I'm at the end of my rope, and it's all I can do.
I'm so scared.
There is so much stuff I'm going to be responsible for with student teaching, and I just want to feel OKAY, and like my happy, normal, self.
I NEED to find my strength in God, and not myself. I know He is trying to teach me that I will be okay if I seek Him out when I'm scared or feeling sick from the medicine. When I call out to Him to comfort me, He will give me the peace I need to get through. I'm fully trusting God for what will happen in these next few weeks. It's all I can do really.

I would really appreciate prayers as I go back to school and get back into "the swing of things"! That I will lean on God, and call out to Him rather than worrying about panic attacks.


Yesterday and today I read Luke 2.
Jesus is born, and then He is a boy around the age of 12.

I really liked the verse in the first half about the shepherds:

8And in that vicinity there were shepherds living [out under the open sky] in the field, watching [in shifts] over their flock by night

I like it a lot because God is OUR shepherd, and we are His sheep. The shepherds watched over their flocks by night, it says. It just reminded me that God is always, always watching out for us. Even by night. =)

The second half of Luke talks about a story of Jesus I don't think I've ever heard before, which I thought was odd.
Jesus and his parents go to Jerusalem and then his parents go back but He remains behind. His parents though didn't know. It says they were worried sick, they didn't know where He was. Finally they went back to Jerusalem and found Him with the teachers asking questions, and it says people were astonished by His intelligence.
They ask Jesus how He could treat them that way.. and He replies with:

"How is it that you had to look for me? Did you not see and know that it is necessary for me to be in My Father's house?"
but they didn't understand Him.

I thought it was cool that that sort of thing was already happening at the age of 12!
:)

Wishing everyone a fabulous weekend!

Oh Monday

Today was really crappy.

Just blatantly, puttin' it out there. I don't like bein' all negative but that's where I'm at.

It was definitely Monday.

I woke up late, I had to rush out the door (in 15 minutes!), I had to teach reading and I didn't at ALL feel prepared for it. AND my supervisor had her scheduled visit today.
ugh.. baaad start.

I've been getting over a cold, so I've still felt not completely right health wise, not to mention I just look tired and not good.

Like I said in my other posts I've been busy. and that's probably an understatement. This weekend JJ got married, (YAYY!!) so the weekend was SO busy, and I just feel like I have been constantly going, going, going. Like the energizer bunny. I've been going from one thing to the next without really having time to myself to STOP. and think. Sometimes you just need to reflect on things/emotions you know? You don't realize it until you haven't gotten to stop and really think in a while. It's exhausting. I feel like I've been emotionally exhausted.

This weekend and today I haven't spent any time with God. So there is problem number one.

Anxiety today was HIGH. I worry about EVERYTHING having to do with the future. You name it, I worry about it. And I honestly felt like I could have broken down at any minute today. I've just been wearing myself out, and it was one of those mornings starting out.

I'm at this cross-roads in my life, I feel.
It's hard because I'm still trying to figure so much out at this ripe old age of 21. I've barely got rolling with my adult life and I have no idea what I want to do with myself.
Sometimes I find myself wondering if I even really want to teach. (I WILL teach....) but sometimes I get confused about whether it's what I really want to do or not.

I guess I'm figuring out lately that teaching just doesn't fill me up like I thought it would. When I think about doing it for my whole life, it just seems monotonous. ...but then ANYthing I would do for my whole life seems monotonous. (..it is a job after all) Sometimes I just feel like what's the point of all this..?

Every so often I also start to feel down and just not right about all the change happening in my life and to come. There is so much big stuff in my life changing and it's TOO MUCH for my little brain to handle. It freaks me out. And then you can cue the anxiety.
I'm graduating from COLLEGE and this is all I've known for FOUR years. That's a LONG time. (and a very short time) In that time though I've changed so very much as a person. I'm not the same as I was four years ago. What will happen with my life now? Everything will be different.. Who will I talk to? or be friends with? How will I live? what will I do? WHERE will I be?
I can't shake the feelings in my head that everything will go down hill from here..and it will just be bad. ugh. whyy do I think this way.

I feel like I'm in a power struggle with God. I'm definitely not where I want to be and I don't understand why He allows my constant struggle with anxiety. I could definitely use prayer.