Trust in the Lord with all your understanding...

Do you ever have those moments when you hear something that is exactly what you needed to hear?

Those are the best. Usually....

I've been racking my brain about a job "dilemma" that I'm sure I am making out to be much, much bigger of a "decision" than it actually is.

Let me give you more detail.

Do you remember how I said in my last post how I had been subbing for a computer person the rest of this week? Well, yes. I did it. Andd.... I feel way less excited about the actual job than I thought I would. =/ I just really didn't care for it too much..

I was really bored, and felt like I didn't really have any purpose in being there. I basically "watched" the children while they were on the computers... and that was it. And I also had a crazy amount of prep time when there weren't even any students in the lab. So...needless to say I got a lot of "fun" reading done..haha..but that's not really something you want to happen when you're supposed to be working.

So I prayed for God to open or close doors and show me what I should do about this position. (because I applied for it) Well, yesterday I got called to interview for it.

I said that I was still interested in interviewing and then I was SUPER confused.

My brain feels SO conflicted. It's something I had been feeling that I didn't want to do...and now I have an interview and so I'm thinking, maybe it's where God wants me to be right now?

I've been trying to get advice from so many people I know, and with each person I talk to, I still keep going back and forth in my head about it.

It would be GREAT to get in the district and connect with a whole school, faculty and all.... but at the same time, will I be able to get a teaching job after being an aide? (that's the ultimate goal here)

For the time being, I've decided that there is no harm in interviewing and that maybe afterwards, I will have a better idea of what I am supposed to do.

What I meant about hearing something at exactly the right time, was R&R this morning, and also the video post on the she seeks website.

R&R was all about following where God leads, and making sure that you are in agreement with His way, not that He is in agreement with your way. Sometimes God tells us to do things that we don't really want to do, or calls us to things that we're not sure about (I'm not saying God is for sure calling me to this, bc I don't know that). It was about how "His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts".

It really just made me realize that I need to stop trying to control things and let God do what He will do...whatever that looks like.

She seeks was about trusting and following the plan that God has. Sometimes we get NO's from God about things...

We need to seek out God for different decisions in out lives and listen so that we can follow His plan and path. He will make clear what He wants us to do, or what we shouldn't do.

So, I'm hoping to spend a lot of time in prayer about this until my interview on Tuesday morning. I would appreciate prayers from others as well! :)

On Christ the solid Rock I stand

HAPPY EASTER!! He is risen! Hallelujah :))))

It may seem kind of weird that I am in fact blogging on Easter, but today in my mind will be a day to relax, soak in Jesus and "veg".

Lately, I haven't been spending as much devotion time with God as I would like to be. I haven't been getting up on time to read in the morning, and I've been pretty busy. I'm starting to get the feeling that God is mad or disappointed but this morning I was thinking about a sermon that I heard and wrote about one time. God isn't mad when we feel like WE are doing "bad"...and He isn't happy when we feel like we are doing "good". He loves us no matter what and He sees our hearts. I'm so thankful today for God's grace and His relationship that He freely offers to His children. Every one.

Last night a really scary thing happened.

A couple of friends and I went to Rita's water ice at around 9:20 ish. We were standing in line there while one of us was ordering and this man walked really fast up to the counter and he was wearing a mask. He shouted at us to "get the **** out of here!" and we ran to the car. He was trying to rob the Rita's! It was the scariest thing ever. The Rita's employees huddled together in the back of the store and they called the police. The guy ran away and the police came pretty quickly. We had to talk to them because we were the main witnesses who saw the man. We described to the police what he was wearing and they thought they might have had him at a local train station. One of the police officers took us in his car to see if it was him...but we didn't think so because he had different clothes on than we saw. So, they let that man go I guess.

The scariest part was thinking about what COULD have happened. He could have had a gun. He could have touched us. He could have.. stolen OUR things. But PRAISE GOD we are safe! So many things could have happened, but nothing did!! God was so totally keeping us from harm.

That experience just reminded me how messed up this world is. I was thinking about that man last night. He isn't just a "bad guy". He was once a child. He had/has some sort of family and he has a personality. What would make him do that? What happened in this guys life that he turned out that way? He needs God. Our world is an evil place because of "the fall" and that's reality. I'm NOT exempt from the harm of this world and bad things can happen. I'm so grateful we're okay.


In other news.. I'm graduating in 12 DAYS!!!! SO excited :))

I think I have (sort of) decided that I am going to live in the area near school about 25 minutes west of where I go to school now. A friend of mine has offered a room in her home to me and it's right near schools that I want to work in, and a couple of best friends that I would get to be near. For now...I'm thinking I'll live there, but hey...it could change. ;)

Yesterday I went to a birthday party (before the Rita's incident) for an 18 year old and it made me feel really old. They are all graduating high school and moving on to college and I'm graduating from college. Soon to start real life. It's a weird feeling...

Hope everyone enjoys their Easter and family time! Jesus is RISEN. :)

Winter break bliss and 2011

I've been feeling a TON better these past couple days. :)

I'm not sure what it is, maybe just being home, relaxing, hanging out, family time, God time, OR a combination of all of those things.

I really really love being home for break. I think I'm appreciating it WAY more this time because I know what's coming up next semester. Don't get me wrong, I am way excited for student teaching, but I know how time consuming it will be...especially after having my little taste of it with my J-block placement. It's so nice being on break and getting to read whatever I want, whenever I want. Catching up on shows. Being with friends. Gosh. Love it.

Today I read over these couple verses in my Bible over and over. They brought so much comfort today and I love how they apply so well.

4But God--so rich is He in His mercy! Because of and in order to satisfy the great and wonderful and intense love with which He loved us,

5Even when we were dead (slain) by [our own] shortcomings and trespasses, He made us alive together in fellowship and in union with Christ; [He gave us the very life of Christ Himself, the same new life with which He quickened Him, for] it is by grace (His favor and mercy which you did not deserve) that you are saved ([a]delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's salvation).

6And He raised us up together with Him and made us sit down together [giving us [b]joint seating with Him] in the heavenly sphere [by virtue of our being] in Christ Jesus (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

7He did this that He might clearly demonstrate through the ages to come the immeasurable (limitless, surpassing) riches of His free grace (His unmerited favor) in [His] kindness and goodness of heart toward us in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 2:5-7

All of Ephesians 2 is reaal good. :)


Today is the day I also went to the doctor for my anxiety. I know a lot of people have their own opinions on that sort of thing, but I just want to do what's right for me personally. It's such a constant battle and I really believe that (at least for right now) something could be done to help me. My doctor talked with me a little bit and then gave me a prescription for Zoloft. Hopefully the side effects won't be too bad, and it'll help me rather than hurt me. We shall see.

It's totally not a "spur of the moment thing" though, it's something I've thought about often and also prayed about. I don't have the desire to tell many people about it..I'm mainly putting it on here for my own records..=)


2011 is almost here!

2010 was a pretty successful year I'd say.

I...
-conquered ALL of my early childhood classes and got all A's in them
-successfully passed two summer courses, one while working
-got to go on a mission trip to California and learned a whole lot about myself and who I am in God
-made it through some rough drama with a fellow Christian and I think we're both stronger for it
-turned 21!!
-got bangs =)
-learned to play ukulele
-joined worship team at church
-PASSED my Ed certification tests
-volunteered a week of my time at an overnight camp

So yes, overall, good year.

I was thinking about it, and I don't think this was one of those HUGE growing in God years. I definitely grew with God. Just, not as much as I would have liked to say I did. I learned a bunch of important lessons, but then in other ways I feel like I took some steps backward. I was really up and down this year, but I do also think that is necessary sometimes.

Here are some of my goals for 2011:
-LOVE love love, EVERY single person I come across.
-Don't overlook the people around me.
-Pray. about everything. All the time. Everyday.
-Spend lots of time in God's word.
-Exercise and eat healthier
-Take things/life events in stride (and let God handle them)

:) Bring on the new year!

Decisions and Safety Nets

So I'm at a place right now where I have about a million questions running through my head.

I'm trying to figure out my life, in a major way.

I do this thing where I think about all the possible options, and then all the things that could/might happen, and how things will work out with each option.

Now, you could say, sure well that's normal. And maybe it is, to a certain extent. But I do this to the EXTREME, and I make myself sick about it. All of these hypothetical situations in my head are driving me crazy.

There are some big life decisions headed my way. (at least for me and my little life)

What am I going to do after graduation?

I originally, in the back of my mind always thought I wanted to live out here by school afterwards. I like the area...but more than that it's because certain close friends of mine are here. And well, I don't want to have to leave them. :( They're like my safety net.

So I've been trying and trying to think about roommates and it just seems to be falling through. My landlord was here yesterday fixing a light and he mentioned that he wants to know if any of us are staying on another year lease.. and that didn't help my crazy, controlling, figure-everything-out brain.

The other part of all of this is that I HAVE been praying about it. When I was anxious in September about post-grad, I started praying. I prayed that God would direct me, and show me, and LEAD me where He wanted me. God always does. For me, I usually know if I'm being led in a certain direction if I feel a peace about one decision over the other. (or if doors are being closed)

..So I'm sort of wondering if this is God closing doors..? The roommates are seriously falling through, and there aren't many other options for me since I'm an oldie now and most of my good friends already graduated. I can't live here by myself, because not only wouldn't I want to.. but money wise, that would not be okay.

I'm scared to say it but I also all of a sudden feel a peace about being home. A good friend that I know from school is living around there and so I WOULD have at least one good friend. That alone gave me a peace. The situation with her looking for houses IN (anonymous)where I live is certainly ironic enough. Like what are the chances out of allll of the places that she could live that she would find somewhere 5 minutes from my house?!
I also like being home, I wouldn't need to pay rent, AND I wouldn't be alone.

I feel like God is leading me there in a way... But then there is part of me that panics because it's not really what I want ideally. I would still much rather be here near my best friends...

I don't at all want to be ignoring God's calling for my life.

Are there options here? or does God lead to ONE decision, one way to do something..?

I would love any input..:)

Happy Sunday!