Graduation and weekend recap

wow- well somehow I've gotten myself into the habit of blogging on Tuesday's. Ha. Not quite sure how THAT happened. :)

These past few days have been such a whirlwind. It's been tough to keep up reading others' blogs let alone writing my own posts!

I'm happy to say that I am now a college GRADUATE!!! :D Yay. It is WEIRD. and exciting. all at the same time.



I want to go back a few days to last Thursday. It was my last day of student teaching in sixth grade! It was such a nice, bitter-sweet day. I have learned SO much throughout this whole placement.
If you remember, I was not such a happy camper when I started there. I was really negative and I wasn't sure I would get along with this new co-op as well as I did with my old one from 1st grade. If I'm being honest about it, I really judged her a lot.
I'm so sorry for it now, and God and I have "talked" about it a lot. I've learned that I can never ever judge people by any circumstance. Even if they do or say things I wouldn't. I grew to absolutely LOVE my 6th grade co-op and I developed SO much respect for her. It makes me angry at myself that I was so quick to judge her, but it's a lesson I know God had me learn by experience.
Anyway-each class period had a little party for me with cookies from my co-op and dum-dum lollipops from me. They spent the period making me cards and I went home with about a zillion, each with their pictures on them!

My teacher also made me a book with pictures of each class that I taught and had them sign the pages. It was so nice!! :) I'll miss them.

I felt really rushed to leave, which I didn't like, because I had to get back to school for grad practice at 4pm.

Friday was spent with good friends which was nice.

Saturday was GRAD! It was at 10am. My parents and grandparents came to my apt early and my roommie and I drove over together because we needed to be there at 9.

It was the MOST gorgeous day. I couldn't have asked for better weather.
Afterwards I hang out with my fam. We went to Applebee's and came back to my house for presents. :) (Mother's day and grad gifts.)

I got this super cute apple charm for my pandora bracelet.


and my most favorite gift of ALL.......



I got a Nikon D3100!!!!!

I've been wanting a nice DSLR camera so that I can get more into photography. :)) I still haven't had much time yet to sit down and learn things, but oh, I will.
I'm excited to glorify God with this new hobby. :)

So after the awesome time with my fam, they left and my best friend Christin came from Ship to sleepover. It was the best. day. ever.

We reenacted my graduation.



:)

Since then, there has been a lot packing, a lot of moving stuff, a lot of praying and reflecting. I'm ready for the change but it still feels very weird.

Up next is (anticipated) subbing. Moving out of my college house for good, and then living at home for the summer to work at camp!

Woo...God is GOOD!

Bloggiversery and Japan RELIEF

I was thinking about my blog lately and I realized something super exciting... A month from yesterday it will be a WHOLE YEAR since I've been BLOGGING!!! April 25th is my "bloggiversery". How sweet??
It's so awesome because I kept up with my blog for a WHOLE year! I was reading through some of my old posts and it's so awesome to have those memories in words and to remember how I felt during certain things throughout the year. I was even encouraged by some of my own writing. hehe :) It's funny how that can happen.

I think I eventually want to print my blog into a book to have. That would be sweet. :)

I've been feeling pretty darn good since I wrote on Tuesday.

God is AMAZING.

I'm starting to love 6th grade. I'm getting a lot more comfortable there and I think that's the biggest part of it. My coop is really growing on me and I'm starting to really like her. She's so nice to me and we can joke around and laugh and stuff, and it's just fun. Things just happen that make me smile.

I started my persuasive writing unit on Wednesday and it's going AWESOME(ly). I had the students brainstorm good causes and they are so stoked and genuinely excited about their writing topics which is very rewarding to see.

On Friday, out of nowhere, my coop and I got to talking about churches...and denominations and it was sooo GOD. We talked about stuff for like 5-10 minutes and it made my day.

God's love is so amazing. His love always fills me with unspeakable joy and peace. He reminds me that this life can be lived in Him because He gave up His. He shows me how to love others and what I should truly focus my heart towards. :)

On another note... I had this idea one day last week about making little coin purses to sell on Etsy. I want to give all of the profits to the relief effort that is going on in Japan. So, I made my first attempt at one today. Here's a picture.


You can definitely tell it's handmade, but I think it's really good for my first effort. The button holds the purse closed at the top. Cards fit but you have to slip them in sideways.
Would anyone be interested in purchasing this or one like it for $10 from my Etsy shop? ALL of the money I receive from this will go towards the Japan relief effort through a foundation run by Christian missionaries called CRASH. You can read more about them here. CRASHJapan
And by all means, even if you're not interested, check out the website and think about making a donation to help. :)

If you want to contact me about this (or anything else) you can contact me at Kashaff1@gmail.com ! :D I would love to hear from you.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

(PS my mock interview went really well :)))

This is different..

Thanks for the prayers!! :)

I definitely felt a lot more calm today than I was feeling this morning. I was SO nervous!

I introduced myself with a word cloud that I made on Wordle.If you haven't heard of it, check it out. It's AWESOME. and fun. :)

but anyway, I told them a little about me, (verrry little haha) and then asked if they had any questions. There weren't usually more than 1 or 2. (she teaches 4 different classes)Then I made a word cloud to represent each period. Some classes seemed more willing to participate than others. but oh well. It worked out nicely for the most part. The kiddos aren't as old as I imagined them being....if ya know what I mean. ;)

It is verrry different though from my 1st grade placement. Not bad. Just different. Hmmmm. This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life lately. God must be up to something.

She basically teaches the same science lesson all day, three times..and then a different lesson for language arts. It's strange. Way different feel than an elementary building.

I know there's a reason I'm there though. And it will be for GOOD.

The kids do seem pretty awesome. ya know...I guess. ;)


PS. MY ROOMMATES ARE BACK and this makes me soooooooooooo SO SOOO HAPPY!! :D It's so nice. Really. I love them. :) The end.

Have a blessed week!

New things

I wish I would have updated this at least once this past week but somehow my nights just got away from me.

Spring break for students was this past week so my roommates were both home while I was still around going to 1st grade everyday. It was weird being by myself all week, but not as bad as I thought it would be. (the nights go quick) I am glad they will be back though this week!

1st grade is now over. :( I'm pretty sad about it. It was the best placement ever. I won't ever forget those kiddos or my coop. They were all SO wonderful.
Yesterday they had a little party for me and they surprised me with cards and a basket full of children's books, professional books, and other things like markers, hand sanitizer, paper clips..etc. It was so nice! My coop also let me photo copy anything of hers that I wanted =) So needless to say, after school (it was a crazy day and the only time was after school) I spent some time in the copy room. ;) I copied a lot, but I decided it was time to leave when it was getting dark and mine was one of 3 cars left in the parking lot. haha.

Here's a picture of me with the class! Best class EVER!


Here's also a picture of me with my goodbye gifts from the kids/teacher..!


I came home for the weekend so that I could pretend I got a spring break too. ;)
This morning I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and stressed. There are just SO many unknowns in my life right now. I have so many thoughts going through my head and I sort of feel like I'm spinning around and around in circles. It's just so much change all at once.
I'm still trying to reflect on my last day and 1st grade time, thinking about all the new changes of 6th grade, where I will live next year, finding a job, working on interviews..etc. It feels like a lot.

I'm so scared of all of this stuff that is so unknown. I'm so confused as to why I'm graduating at a time like this. It's SO bad for teachers right now. Especially in Pennsylvania where I live. Teachers are getting furloughed left and right and here I am newly graduating. Of course I want a job, but it's starting to seem less and less realistic and it's really confusing. Why NOW? Right now when I'm graduating is the time when public education is becoming a state of chaos..? I want to say how come God? Why now? It doesn't make sense?

As I was praying this morning I heard God reassuring me to TRUST Him. He knows the way. It doesn't make sense to me, but He is still the one leading. I heard Him reminding me to rely on His strength. As I spent more and more time praying and paging through my Bible I started to feel better and less overwhelmed. It's so neat how God puts things in perspective when we bring them to Him.
He filled me with peace and made the "room stand still". :)

"Great the Lord and highly to be praised; and His greatness is so vast and deep as to be unsearchable." Psalm 145:3

"Great is our Lord and of great power. His understanding is inexhaustible and boundless." Psalm 147:5

Also- I'm really loving this memorizing scripture verses idea. It's amazing how breaking down the verses really helps to understand the verse even more. I'm posted my march verses today. :)

Happy weekend!

(Ps. How do you feel about my blog redesign? I was experimenting with wordle for a way to introduce myself in 6th grade and found that I could make one from the words in my blog! How neat?! So I made a new header and then revamped the whole thing because nothing else matched!)

Bitter sweet

I have a lot on my mind right now.

There are so many scattered thoughts just swimming around in this brain of my mine right now and I'm blogging to sort through them...or attempt to anyway.

This week at school is over for me. Tomorrow student teachers have this mandatory interviewing seminar so we have to go to that. It's in the morning and then IF we have a second placement (which I do) we meet with our new supervisor in the afternoon some time.

Next week is my LAST week student teaching in 1st grade. =/ It's going to be so sad come next Friday. My teacher told the students that I wouldn't be there tomorrow because of this thing tomorrow and a bunch of them came and gave me hugs..haa and they were like I don't want you to leave. ughh...I might cry. hah.

At the same time, I was SO beyond THRILLED for this week to be over because now I'm done teaching in that room. Like I said, some of those behaviors were a lot to handle and felt like too much at times...mehh. idk. Next week I'll just be meeting one on one with kiddos and doing things for my teacher. It will be a nice transition time.

Honestly, I'm very surprised to say that I'm looking forward to my next placement. (??!?) I can't believe it. I don't know where on earth these feelings are coming from but they are there. Let me just tell you, when I found out my placements in Novemebr and I realized this second placement was in 6th grade and that it was MIDDLE school style- I was not happy. (to say the least)

Okay....honesty hour.
I was crying. hah. Yeah. I did that. I even emailed the placement office and asked if they could please switch me.
They said no. (my cert is from K-6 so it is a valid placement blah blah)

but ANYWAY-now I'm happy about it!! The school is all 6th grade. It should be a very interesting experience and I'm really looking forward to it.

So yes, I'm very sad to leave first grade and my SUPER AMAZING coop, but I am excited for this new placement. Having just one really does get old. I can't really imagine being there until May.

So that's that.

I'm super, pumped for this weekend! I'm getting to see (hopefully) two of best friends :) :)
I'm stoked. SO so so stoked.
I haven't seen both in a while and it'll be oh so sweet to catch up and laugh and have fun with each of them.

I'm still so in awe of God.

I haven't gotten as much time with Him this week as I did last week. :( But besides that I still feel joy and peace and just...settled.

Today my supervisor came to observe my math lesson and I was nervous. She emailed me my mid-placement evaluation (which was DUE on Feb 14 *ahem*) and I saw that it wasn't too great. or kind. So I wasn't excited about her coming. God totally reassured my heart though. He just reminded me that it doesn't matter what she thinks really. Ultimately I find my worth in God and others' judgements don't make me or change who I am as a person.

I can do ANYTHING in God. Think about that statement. Really think about it.
It doesn't matter if I mess up. Tomorrow is always a new day I can keep striving to be my best. Every day. And every. single. day. God is WITH me. Helping me. and bringing me comfort, joy, peace, love and SO much moreee. :)

Time goes too fast. It makes me kind of sad and mixed up..=/ It's GOOD. but mehh, it's scary and I want time to slow down.

sighh... hope everyone had a fabulous Thursday!

Love is patient

Well hi. :)

Today is Sunday and I've somehow made a habit of blogging on Friday's and Sunday's..hmm. I blame it on teaching.

My full week of teaching is done and over with! WooHOO!! What a week it was!

It was certainly challenging and I'm so amazed at how God really pulled me through it.

On Tuesday in particular I had a really terrible day. It was a 2hr delay because of some snow we got overnight. So the kids were CRAZY that day. The routine was a bit different and I think that messed them up too. I was the only one in the room with them basically all day and it was tough. They were SO chatty and loud, and hyper. To make things a million times worse, that one boy who I might have mentioned (maybe not..?) was out of control. He NEEDS something. Like medication or an aid but he isn't officially diagnosed with anything because his parents won't take him to the doctor. ANyway- he was having an OFF day. He refused to do any work. I didn't know what to do. He was up and out of his seat constantly. During my math lesson he was even rolling around on the floor. I just let him go because I couldn't make him sit down.
I was trying to get him to make up some work that he had refused to do earlier in the day at this recess type time, and he was up walking on the stage, walking on the bleachers, he found a sharp needle-like object and was playing with it. He wouldn't listen to me! I didn't know what to do. It was the worst feeling in the world. I just went home and cried that day.
One of the other days when he was up and out of his seat, I forced him to hold my hand at the front of the room because he wouldn't sit down. (Then eventually he did because he HATED being forced to hold my hand.

I was upset also because my coop gave me feedback along the lines of..."it's a fine line between letting him go because you need to teach the rest of the kids and making sure HE is learning too." I mean, yeah. I get that. He is a low kid. As a teacher I would be solely responsible for him making the benchmarks. But honestly- what on earth can I do if he is refusing to sit in his seat or do any work. ??
I was so frustrated.

That aside. I still like teaching. I think...;) I'm just so glad I'm done my full week.

The best thing of all, is that I've felt so close to God this week. :) :)
He is so completely amazing. I've been trying to set aside some real time to meet with Him and it really does such good for my soul. :) God really spoke through some of my friends this week too. I was reminded that some kids just act out because they don't know how to handle emotions and things they might be going through at home. I was like wow- yeah. Above everything these kids (even when they're bad and I want to scream at them) are just kids. They need love and respect just as much as I do. It helped to keep that in mind as I finished out the week. God also showed me these awesome verses about love.

13And so faith, hope, love abide [faith--conviction and belief respecting man's relation to God and divine things; hope--joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love--true affection for God and man, growing out of God's love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corin. 13:13

1EAGERLY PURSUE and seek to acquire [this] love [make it your aim, your great quest]; and earnestly desire and cultivate the spiritual endowments (gifts), especially that you may prophesy ([a]interpret the divine will and purpose in inspired preaching and teaching). 1 Corin 14:1

"Love endures long and is patient and kind..." 1 Corin. 13:4

23Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men, Colossians 3:23

That last verse is great too. I love the reminder that I am not working for my teacher, or my supervisor, or the kids. I'm doing all of this for God and His glory.

Last night I went to a talent show at LBC. It was pretty neat. There were three girls in particular who were awesome. One played piano while another sang the song "what do I know of Holy" and the third girl painted a picture as they sang and played. It was a truly beautiful display of glorifying God with the talents He has given.

It made me remember that I need to glorify God daily in everything I do and say. I want to make it my life mission that God is glorified through my gifts, words, and actions.

God is the supreme ruler of all..! It makes my heart fill with joy to think about His goodness and how He cares for us!
:)

Enjoy this gorgeous weather today!
Also listen to this song. I know it's justin beiber and people have their feelings about him, but I love this song!

The GREATEST love

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

I love remembering today that God LOVES US more than ANY human ever could. :) It makes me happy inside.

I heard a GREAT sermon yesterday. It was about finding our value in God.
He used the analogy of an ugly sweater (because it was ugly sweater Sunday) and he said, if someone famous would wear that ugly sweater...it makes it desirable, people want it because there is someone "important" backing it up.
Then, he used the analogy of a piece of paper vs. a 20 dollar bill. He said which would you rather have?? (Obviously we would take the $20) They are both paper, but the $20 has value because the government backs it up and says it is worth something.

WE have value when Jesus is the one backing US up! Where do you find your value? Who/what do you feel gives your life value? Money..? Clothes? Looks..? People? Relationships? We CANNOT find value in and of ourselves. We need to be made LESS, step off the "stool" and let Jesus sit there. Our only job in life is to "bow" at His feet. We find our value in Him when we humble ourselves. I have value because Jesus backs ME up. I'm important because Jesus backs ME up. I can do ALL things through Jesus because HE backs me up.

I took these notes:

-The Lord backs us up, we are His
-We find our value in Jesus, nothing else
-We belong to the Lord and He doesn't waiver as the center of our lives.
-We gain our worth from a God who doesn't fail
-He still BACKS you up, even when you MESS up!
-If your identify is not in Jesus, you are setting yourself up for failure

Who better to sit on the throne of our lives, to back us up and give us value than THE king of kings? The Lord of lords! The prince of peace! The God of ALL comfort! MY salvation! The God who loves more than we could ever fathom?!? That's a pretty awesome promise! :) :)


When I was getting ready for school this morning, God totally blessed my day with this beautiful sunrise. <3 He loves me. :) (and YOU)



On another note...we had our Valentine's party in 1st grade today and I decided I LOVE being a teacher on Valentine's day...;) The kids were SO cute today. Check out my goodies from my lovely kiddos



All gifts and jokes aside though, I really really DO love teaching! It's the coolest job EVER!

Carried through the week

Despite being a tad bit upset on Monday and feeling discouraged, this week turned itself around and ended up being AWESOME!

It was the first five day week that I've had there so far because of all the crazy snow we've been getting. Don't get me wrong, I love snow days, BUT it felt just as good this week to get a solid routine down. It just helps me feel like I can breathe easier. I'm just that person that needs a routine.

Since we got a five day week in, I was able to teach my whole science unit on matter. :) The kids LOVED it. It helps that I did so many hands on things (which I could do because I had another teacher's hands to help), they really enjoyed everything. We sorted objects, looked at solids, liquids, made oobleck (corn starch and water), made ice cream, and did a sink/float experiment. They were sad that yesterday was our last day for the matter unit, but they had fun. On top of that they actually LEARNED! Ask those kids to name a solid or a liquid or to give an example of matter and they could do it with their eyes closed. =)

Basically all of the students that weren't quite warmed up to me at the beginning of this week, totally are now. They don't see me as a "student", to them I'm just their other teacher..which is nice.

Yesterday my teacher was out of the room all day, and there was a sub in her place..because of parent/teacher conferences. It was so nice because she let me sit in on some to see what they were like. So I was in and out. I taught reading in the morning and went to conferences until lunch.

It was so nice to hear some of the parents say "Oh, you're Miss ***..!, my child loves YOU!" Or..."OH I've heard a lot about you"...or "Yeah, he talks about you". I was thinking...so they like me..they really do..?? It made my heart so happy!

One of the mothers said "are you Miss ***?! Every morning my daughter says 'I want a braid today like Miss ***' or 'hair down today'." HA! I realized that I had said something to her daughter in passing one day when we had pretty much the SAME hairstyle. We had the SAME type of braid. I was like "oh *so and so* we have the same hair today!". She kind of smiled but didn't say much about it so I had no idea I had impacted her that much.
Isn't that so neat? It really made me realize how much what you say to these kiddos as a teacher, impacts them. You may never even know it, but what you say could be playing an important role for them. It made me smile inside. =]

Also- remember how I mentioned something about the superintendent coming this week..? Well I had emailed him to stop by and see my science lesson on Friday since he would be in the building. (It was a miracle that I got up that courage!) He in fact DID stop by for a few minutes yesterday. I was nervous, but nothing too out of proportion to the situation. When he came in I didn't even want to look at him because I was afraid to...haha. It's hard to say what he though, because I'm not even sure what it looked like to an onlooker. We'll see. I didn't feel REALLY great or not great about it either way.

I'm just SO glad it's the weekend! I slept in and it felt so nice. Lots of laying around and lesson planning on the schedule again. My wonderful mom also sent me a Valentine's package that I got yesterday when I came home from school. It has candy of course and SEASON 3 of ALIAS! Needless to say that's on the docket for this weekend as well. :)

I'm so thankful for the ways that God carried me this week and for the many blessings He is pouring on right now. I absolutely LOVE my cooperating teacher and the kiddos. It's been such a blessing. (I'll be so sad to leave them mid-march!)

Have happy weekend!

God's opinion is worth more...

I just have to say, I KNOW, I know, I know, that to become a teacher you must go through that season of being in "the fishbowl".

People have to watch you, they have to comment on what you do, it HAS to happen. I get it. But I don't like it.

I hate it. Actually.

It just makes me feel so judged. mehh

And it's draining. I've only really just begun this journey of being a "new" teacher and it's so frustrating feeling like people have the right to judge me, and comment, and "force" their opinions of ME onto me.

I get the whole, you need to accept constructive criticism thing....but it's so tough.

I don't want to be labeled...by anyone.

I'm insecure. It's a fact. I know I won't be perfect the first time around but I can't stand the way I feel when someone is watching me teach and they comment on all of it afterwards.
I know it's necessary, I really do...but that doesn't mean I have to like the way it makes me feel.

I don't expect to be perfect but then why is it so hard to take the criticism..?

My supervisor was there today for science later in the day. My lessons were fine. I actually felt that reading went SO well. My teacher left the room at one point and I was alone in a classroom teaching, for the FIRST. TIME. EVER. It was awesome! and the kids were GREAT. Even my little buddy that can be a handful sometimes was well behaved..for him.
But for my science lesson, she talked with me afterward and just said it went well...blah blah (I feel like they have to say that..) and then some things that weren't right.

I don't know how exactly she worded it, but all I hear is...YOU SUCK.

haaa how sad and pathetic that sounds. But honestly, it doesn't even matter if I did most of it right, tell me I did two little things the wrong way and it brings me down and makes me feel like poo.

Honestly, I was tearing up on the way home. It's so hard to be evaluated so much in that short amount of time. My supervisor and my coop giving me the low-down on my abilities...their opinions being forced on me like a weight. I'm just trying to figure all of this stuff out myself and it just feels like a lot sometimes.

I need to keep reminding myself that God's opinion is worth more...

(ps SORRY this is all about student teaching lately, but that's basically become my life..)

**Also, I just added my scripture memory for Feb. Check it out :)

Passions

YAY it's the weekend!!! :)

I've been SO spoiled by all of these snow days. Man oh man. It was so hard to get out of bed yesterday... 5:30 is not a happy hour..(for anyone..haa)

After school yesterday I came home for the weekend. :) I love being home so I was pretty excited.

My lesson on Thursday went a lot better than the one on Wednesday. It wasn't perfect by any means, but I filled up the whole time.. it flowed pretty well, AND I got to try out a call and response technique I learned. I say "oh class" in a certain way and the students repeat "oh yes" the same way I said "oh class". They loved it..! It made me smile inside. So it went well, and I give God all the credit because it's been SO by His strength and not my own.

Friday's lesson was shorter than an hour because of the scheduling for that day being slightly different, but it went alright. The students were a little crazy, a few in particular more than others. The next thing I need to try is calling them out on their bad behavior so that it doesn't get too out of hand. There is one student that seems to be testing what he can do with me, and my teacher said she's afraid of what he'll do when she leaves the room if he's acting out a little with her there. So yeah..that was a little discouraging.

Next week there are three students coming back that were absent this whole week because they were at Disney World! Yes..THREE. and no, they aren't related.
I'm nervous because on of the students is the real "trouble" one. He will set off other students if he's having an "off" day, and who knows how he will be after missing the routine of school for a whole week. He probably won't even remember me, so it should be interesting.
On top of that I'm keeping reading, and also starting my science unit. Oh boy...it'll be an interesting week.

My teacher also let me know that the superintendent is coming this week and that it would be good to have him observe me..! I completely agree it would be AWESOME if I could get him to come see me, but I'm sure I'll be SO nervous..! ahhh..

So yeah, needless to say, lots of lesson planning this weekend... woohoo

On another note, a week or so ago my blogger friend BFM posted about "passions" and to think about what we were passionate about when we were seven year olds...and whether that's taken root in our lives now.. (I'm messing the words up a bit, but you get the idea)
I was thinking about it, and when I was around that age (and allll of my childhood) I LOVED playing with my baby dolls. haa, it sounds really lame, but even at that age I acted like such a mother. (to my dolls..) I would kiss them, and take "care" of them, and love on them. To this day I've always LOVED kids, and that's why my baby dolls were such a big "hit" with me. Of course, I also loved to play school. It's awesome to see how that passion for children has taken such a place in my life. I've always been "naturally" good with children and I'm so thankful God has gifted me in that way and that I can work at a job that will keep that passion going.

I also always LOVED music. I would sing songs all the time. I remember being little and just singing all the songs I could think of..haha. I had my shoe box full of cassette tapes and my little recorder that I would sing along with. It's SO neat to look back and see how God has used music to bring me closer to Him. When I started learning guitar, I was in tenth grade and I played all secular music. Throughout high school though, as I started learning more about God, I slowly started to play worship music and now that's mostly ALL I play! Not only that but I've been using that gift to serve God on worship team. It's just so cool how He has used that. (and I'm sure He knew what He was doing when that all started..) :)

So that's a random snapshot at "little" me for ya..ha.

oh and Happy Super bowl..! (Go STEELERS..?!)

The factory is closed..

Being a teacher is a LOT of work. Honestly.

I've known this..but it's really starting to hit home the more I become actively involved in the classroom.
There is just SO much to manage, and teach, and remember...and...control.
I love it, but sometimes I wonder if I can actually do it.

I keep reminding myself that if it's something God has called me to (which I'm sure it is) then He will equip me for it.

I taught my first "real" lesson in there today other than opening. I taught reading and I'll be teaching it probably the rest of the time I'm there.

It went okay.

Reading is an hour long, and let me just say, it's hard to plan and KNOW how much time stuff will take. Especially since it's my first time teaching these kids and from this specific curriculum.

I know I could have been better prepared, and been to school earlier than I was...but overall I guess it wasn't TOO bad for my first lesson. I did sort of run out of things for the kids to do though...whoops..(there were about 10-15 minutes remaining..) Hopefully it will just get better from here. I keep reminding myself that I'm still just learning and I won't learn without actually experiencing teaching.

My devotional this morning was SO perfect. I was feeling nervous about the lesson, and just the fact that it was Monday and I had questions about my lesson for my coop and I wasn't 100% sure about things.

My devotional said: I AM YOUR STRENGTH AND SHIELD. I plan out each day and have it ready for you, long before you arise from bed. I also provide the strength you need each step of the way. Instead of assessing your energy level and wondering about what's on the road ahead, concentrate on staying in touch with Me... Whenever you start to feel afraid, remember that I am your Shield.

:) Looooove this SO much.

It also listed this verse:

7The Lord is my Strength and my [impenetrable] Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song will I praise Him.
Psalm 28:7 :)

...and now I will end with a cute HILARIOUS story.

One of my first graders had a birthday recently and my teacher does something special for them. Well she got to pick a few friends and have lunch with the teacher.
My teacher was talking with them all about new babies bc one of the little girls is about to have a new brother. My teacher was asking each of them if they wanted a new baby brother or sister, and the little girl who's birthday it was yelled "MY MOM'S FACTORY IS CLOSED..!!!"
...baaahahahah. I almost didn't know how that related and thought she was being random...and then by the look on my teacher's face I realized she wasn't.
HA!
The end.

=)

(SNOW day again TOMORROW?!?)

Feeling defeated

I'm feeling pretty frustrated right now.

I can't even put it to words exactly but I feel like I'm a bad person, and student teacher or something for not making it to school these past couple of days. :(

Yesterday was completely out of my control, my car broke, there wasn't anything I could do about that.

I ended up not going in today either because of the snow.
In case you're asking yourself...the answer is No, my school was not closed this morning during out flippin "WINTER STORM watch"...it was OPEN.

I tried my best to suck up my nerves and leave the house anyway, despite my best judgement.
I cleared my car and shoveled off the driveway. I then went back in the house to put on my nice clothes for school and by the time I came back out, my windows were basically covered again because the snow was really coming down.
The roads were really awful. The radio person kept saying "the roads are treacherous".
I tried not to think about how bad they were, but every time I tried to break I was sliding, which might not bother some but it SCARES the heck out of me not to have control of my car.
My school is 45-50 minutes away on a normal day, and some of the roads are farm ones, and highways. I was literally crying at the thought of driving all the way out there when I didn't even feel comfortable driving in Millersville. I called my mom, and as stupid as I feel admitting this, I was crying on the phone with her because of how stupid I felt the situation was. WHY am I risking getting in an accident, (which I'm certain I would have) just to get to school, have them dismiss early and have to drive back??

I called my supervisor, and she said to talk to my coop about it. I then set out to drive back home. It was SO bad. I was scared for my life. The roads were covered, and everyone was sliding. The worst part was that I felt like I was hyperventilating and I was getting some panic attack feelings in my hands/arms. :( It was NO fun.

ANYWAY, I didn't make it school.

I feel so defeated almost.

I felt GOOD earlier, that I made it home, and that I was safe and didn't need to drive...buuut I'm starting to feel kind of judged..? Almost like certain people think I just didn't even try, or like I didn't WANT to go. But honestly I was concerned for my safety...honest to goodness.

I feel like a horrible person and like the worst student teacher ever right now. :(

It's not a good feeling.

There were certain things I was supposed to observe that I didn't get to, and certain things I was supposed to teach, but I couldn't.

I feel like a failure.

=/

What. A. Day.

Today was a crazy, crazy day.

I'm not sure why these crazy, "out of the ordinary typical day" things keep happening to me, but today was another one of those days.

I was on my way to school this morning, I had been driving for about 20-25 minutes and I noticed that the needle that gages the temperature in the car's engine kept rising. I was getting worried and then it reached the H all the way at the top where the red part is. I thought to myself "...this can't be good" so I pulled over on the side of the road. (A highway, mind you) My car was smoking and I was so scared, and had no clue what to do. Just a quick recap, the day before my heat would NOT work for a long time, and I smelled something like maple syrup, and mentioned something to my mom because it was so odd, so I WAS on the lookout for my car being weird this morning
It turns out that maple syrup smell was the anti-freeze and that's why my heat wouldn't work.
So back to the highway- I opened my hood and there were green puddles of anti-freeze all over, so great. I called my parents, and AAA. I then called school to tell them I would be late for sure. AAA took about an hour to show up, and let me tell you, God has a sense of humor-He really does.
During the hour I was sitting there my parents kept calling, and I finished listening to the sermon I had started on my way from the good ole ipod. I noticed after about a half hour a car pulled off the road behind me. I thought that was weird but felt safe as long as he kept his distance. Well wouldn't you know he comes walking up to my car. I opened the door and he told me he was apparently having car troubles as well. He wanted to use my cell phone bc he didn't have one... I was so nervous he would like run away with my phone or something and the battery was already running low. He made one call which his people didn't answer, and I felt so awkward. THEN this VAN comes up behind me, and he said he was having trouble too. It was WEIRD, and what are the odds seriously..? I felt like God just wanted me to laugh at this situation because it was so peculiar. THEN AAA calls me back and tells me the vehicle they sent out to get me broke down, HA HA. Like whaaat?? That happens?! So they sent another one out.

Oh boy, it was a long time waiting, but it didn't feel as long as it was.

Eventually I called the school back and told them I wouldn't make it in at all. (I was super bummed :( ) I also called my supervisor to let her know what was going on. She was SO, SO nice to me. She even offered to pick me up at wherever the tow truck took me and drive me back home. I was SO grateful and it was SUCH a blessing! All the AAA people I talked to were SUPER nice also, which made everything so much easier. The school was understanding as well.

So later AAA towed me to the car dealer and I waited there for quite some time. It wasn't so bad because there were comfy seats and a TV with the news. There were about 4 or 5 other people in the waiting room and out of nowhere this guy looks over at me and starts talking to me about the news story that was on. haha. It just made me smile, like no one else was talking but here this random guy decides to talk to ME. It just reminded me how much I LOVE people. Everyone is so different and I love how some people just talk to complete strangers like they know them. He ended up leaving another half hour later and he even said bye to me. It just made me smile.

Eventually I did make it home, and I never made it to school today. I'm so thankful for all that God did today and that He was with me all day, once again. He just keeps showing up and giving me strength in the most bizarre situations. He just keeps showing me that He IS here. Always. Always.
It was frustrating that I had to be home even though I was seemingly fine, and I had planned to be at school....but sometimes things change.

By some miracle they actually were able to FIX my car today and I got to pick it up tonight, praise JESUS!!! :)
It did cost a lot of money though =/ The radiator broke.

I did talk to a girl tonight that student teaches at the same school and she comes from the same area. I told her I DID end up getting my car back, but asked if she might want to carpool anyway sometime to save gas. She sounded all for it, so that's something good that came out of today!

God is GOOD all the time. :)

In-service day

Today was my first in-service day EVER! It's crazy to think that in all the time I will spend with my life as a teacher, that today was my very first in-service. (hopefully out of many, many in-services.) :)

It was another really great day! I brought a ton of work to do and I was SO productive. I even surprised myself..! I got done a huge chunk of my TWS (teacher work sample). I'm teaching a science unit on matter and I got all the learning goals and objectives done as well as the whole assessment plan. :) I was happy. It was a nice day to interact with some of the other staff as well. I'm just starting to feel so comfortable there and I'm so thankful God has me at this school right now.

It is tough not having much time in the evenings. Boy, I'm so tired. I feel like I just got home and already it's time for bed! Welcome to the "real world" Kari...

As much as the in-service was actually kind of nice, I'm excited for the kiddos to be back tomorrow.

Also: I added another Bible verse for January! It's one of my favorites. :) Check it out.

Hebrews 13:5 Amplified

Day 2

So I'm sitting here thinking about what I should I do.. Take a nap..? That sounds good! Eat dinner..? hmm yeah maybe... wait! I guess I should blog.. *sigh*

=) That was my thought process just now.

So day TWO of student teacher was completed today. I'm rollin' now! ;)

It's been a GREAT start. I am in utter, and complete awe of God and what He is doing in my life right now. I have had no attacks of any kind while in 1st grade and it's been such a major blessing!!
It was kind of ironic because last night at caregroup I shared about my taking medication and what a struggle it was, and how blessed I've been not to have any side effects. And then of course, last night (or early this morning rather, around 4am) I woke up having a panic attack. Not nearly as bad as the really scary one from before, but a little weird none the less. I felt the weird heat thing flaring up a bit, and my heart started to race a little, but I called out to God and He helped me to remain as calm as possible in the midst of it. I started to feel really weird tension in my muscles and like I couldn't relax them, and just the need to move my legs. It was WEIRD. Thankfully it didn't last too long and I was able to relax a bit until 6am when my alarm went off. I WAS feeling pretty nervous though to go to school. It was the first time to really have those feelings since I started my new medicine and I didn't want anything to happen at school. I texted one of my bffs and she reminded me to trust God, and just let go of my control of the situation. It was a WONDERFUL reminder and I totally was like "God, you're right, and I give you the control, it's yours" at that, I felt SUCH a peace like none other. I knew that no matter what happened God was on my side and He would take care of me.

This day ended up going SO WELL! It was such a good day. I felt much less awkward around other staff and people, and more comfortable with the kiddos.

I'm also pretty stoked about this snow coming our way tonight! (fingers crossed for at least a 2-hr delay:))

I over heard one little girl today telling my teacher "I'm glad Miss Shaffer is here with us.." and my teacher said "yeah me too" =)

I'm glad to be there with them, here in this moment God has called me to!!

Everything is better with God

Welp, It's almost that time again. Time to go back to school.

I'm sort of dreading it, as usual.

I LOVE it when I'm there, but I just love home so much, I get so attached to being here after four weeks. I know I'll be homesick at first and I'm not looking forward to it.:(

Plus, it's my LAST semester as an UNDERGRAD!! That's CRAZY!

I'm sort of really nervous to go back. =/ Because of what happened a week or so ago when I was there..(the meds) I'm much more afraid to leave home. What if something happens..?

I'm learning in this time more than ever that I NEED to lean on God. I sort of feel like I'm at the end of my rope, and it's all I can do.
I'm so scared.
There is so much stuff I'm going to be responsible for with student teaching, and I just want to feel OKAY, and like my happy, normal, self.
I NEED to find my strength in God, and not myself. I know He is trying to teach me that I will be okay if I seek Him out when I'm scared or feeling sick from the medicine. When I call out to Him to comfort me, He will give me the peace I need to get through. I'm fully trusting God for what will happen in these next few weeks. It's all I can do really.

I would really appreciate prayers as I go back to school and get back into "the swing of things"! That I will lean on God, and call out to Him rather than worrying about panic attacks.


Yesterday and today I read Luke 2.
Jesus is born, and then He is a boy around the age of 12.

I really liked the verse in the first half about the shepherds:

8And in that vicinity there were shepherds living [out under the open sky] in the field, watching [in shifts] over their flock by night

I like it a lot because God is OUR shepherd, and we are His sheep. The shepherds watched over their flocks by night, it says. It just reminded me that God is always, always watching out for us. Even by night. =)

The second half of Luke talks about a story of Jesus I don't think I've ever heard before, which I thought was odd.
Jesus and his parents go to Jerusalem and then his parents go back but He remains behind. His parents though didn't know. It says they were worried sick, they didn't know where He was. Finally they went back to Jerusalem and found Him with the teachers asking questions, and it says people were astonished by His intelligence.
They ask Jesus how He could treat them that way.. and He replies with:

"How is it that you had to look for me? Did you not see and know that it is necessary for me to be in My Father's house?"
but they didn't understand Him.

I thought it was cool that that sort of thing was already happening at the age of 12!
:)

Wishing everyone a fabulous weekend!