Perspective

You need God's perspective.

That's something valuable I have taken away from this weekend.

Remember how I said I didn't have the best day on Friday?

Sometimes, I just can't help feeling negative about my job. Satan has been getting in my brain real easily, and telling me that I have no purpose there, that there's no point... I felt way insecure...and I have to go and do basically nothing again tomorrow. I'm frustrated.

(you should know this though) what I didn't say before is that it is something that the principal is working on... so eventually, my time should be filled with other things... but for now this is where I'm at.

At R and R on Saturday Jenny talked about how we can be on one of two buses. You are either on the bus of your situation, OR the bus of the spirit.

I learned that I need to be living IN God, not IN my situation. Instead of feeling sorry for myself sometimes, while working, I need to remember that Jesus is with me and that HE is greater. He has a purpose.

When we are living in our situations, essentially we are the ones driving the bus... (it's a tour bus...did I say that? ha) so we here our OWN commentary and voice. However, when GOD is leading the bus, you hear HIS voice, and His commentary, not the other way around. I wrote down that " your vision is skewed when you're sitting in your situation". So true.

When we are living IN the circumstance it's hard to see anything else... my view of things are skewed when I'm focused mainly on them and not on God.

She also said how it is so easy for us to see our selves and our situation, but we don't automatically see our Savior. Don't let the situation have the say, let GOD have the say on your situation.

It was very refreshing :) I also had a good cry while there...but we won't talk about that ;)

You may remember how I have been looking for a church since I've moved here.. Well I think I have found the one that I'll stick with. :) I wasn't so sure a few weeks ago.. but I tried to put myself out there a little more, and I truly love it! It's a big church... but the adult fellowship group (you'll here me refer to this as ABF) is what makes it so special. The people are wonderful and I'm definitely still getting to know them (duh) but now that doesn't seem so impossible as I once thought. I feel like I fit there, and it's a great feeling.

Excited to relax today. :)

Trust in the Lord with all your understanding...

Do you ever have those moments when you hear something that is exactly what you needed to hear?

Those are the best. Usually....

I've been racking my brain about a job "dilemma" that I'm sure I am making out to be much, much bigger of a "decision" than it actually is.

Let me give you more detail.

Do you remember how I said in my last post how I had been subbing for a computer person the rest of this week? Well, yes. I did it. Andd.... I feel way less excited about the actual job than I thought I would. =/ I just really didn't care for it too much..

I was really bored, and felt like I didn't really have any purpose in being there. I basically "watched" the children while they were on the computers... and that was it. And I also had a crazy amount of prep time when there weren't even any students in the lab. So...needless to say I got a lot of "fun" reading done..haha..but that's not really something you want to happen when you're supposed to be working.

So I prayed for God to open or close doors and show me what I should do about this position. (because I applied for it) Well, yesterday I got called to interview for it.

I said that I was still interested in interviewing and then I was SUPER confused.

My brain feels SO conflicted. It's something I had been feeling that I didn't want to do...and now I have an interview and so I'm thinking, maybe it's where God wants me to be right now?

I've been trying to get advice from so many people I know, and with each person I talk to, I still keep going back and forth in my head about it.

It would be GREAT to get in the district and connect with a whole school, faculty and all.... but at the same time, will I be able to get a teaching job after being an aide? (that's the ultimate goal here)

For the time being, I've decided that there is no harm in interviewing and that maybe afterwards, I will have a better idea of what I am supposed to do.

What I meant about hearing something at exactly the right time, was R&R this morning, and also the video post on the she seeks website.

R&R was all about following where God leads, and making sure that you are in agreement with His way, not that He is in agreement with your way. Sometimes God tells us to do things that we don't really want to do, or calls us to things that we're not sure about (I'm not saying God is for sure calling me to this, bc I don't know that). It was about how "His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts".

It really just made me realize that I need to stop trying to control things and let God do what He will do...whatever that looks like.

She seeks was about trusting and following the plan that God has. Sometimes we get NO's from God about things...

We need to seek out God for different decisions in out lives and listen so that we can follow His plan and path. He will make clear what He wants us to do, or what we shouldn't do.

So, I'm hoping to spend a lot of time in prayer about this until my interview on Tuesday morning. I would appreciate prayers from others as well! :)

Indescribable, Uncontainable

I was playing this song a little bit ago on the piano and the truth behind the words really sank in.

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

Wow. Just wow.

This weekend went by in the blink of an eye. I'm sad it's over.

At the R&R retreat this weekend things were a bit different than usual. We had communion with bread, and prayed over the other women at our table. It was so great, and reminded me how much I love the power of prayer.
I realized through journaling that morning that I haven't been getting that genuine, true, amazing relational time with God lately. I have my 10 minutes or so in the morning but then when I go throughout the day I slowly start to go by my "own" strength. I hadn't realized it until this weekend, but I haven't been spending that REAL heart, unloading time with God that I SO need and desperately want. School takes up so much time and when I'm home in the evening I make so many excuses why not to spend more time with God. (I'm too tired to read my Bible, or think about the condition of my heart, pray...etc.) BUT I really need to try to push past those excuses. I know my heart will thank me for the time, and so will my relationship with God. Everything just "runs" better when we are running on that fuel that can only come from the spirit of God.

This weekend I was also talking with a good friend of mine and she was talking about the "masks" that we all put on. We have a mask that we wear. It covers up what we are really feeling inside. This weekend as I was reflecting a bit I realized that I do often put on a mask that I'm A-okay, all the time. I don't always feel good in my heart and mind but I want to appear happy and joyful because I know I should be that way. I don't even really think about it anymore, it's just second nature. There's a fine line I guess between complaining about things in our lives and being real when we aren't perfectly okay, yet being content in that. Does that make sense?
Like...I don't HAVE to appear like I'm completely happy if I'm truly not, but at the same time I don't want to complain and be a debby-downer. I know women though, who are real, they show their emotion when something isn't quite right but at the same time still have that strength and soul peace from God. So I know it can happen, and I want to be that way too.

I also was thinking about how similar we all are. We are all so similar. To our core we want to be loved, and love others and do right in God's eyes. There are things in all of our lives that we want to improve and that we bring to God constantly. It's just so neat to think about how God knows each of us individually and meets with us, and really hears. He knows. Why am I so quick to judge other women when I really am more like them than I am different from them..?

(That's not pertaining to anything specific, I was just thinking about it this weekend)

In my time praying this evening I stumbled upon this verse and I've been soaking it in. :)You should too.

15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:15-19

Teaching my full week starting tomorrow! I'm scared, nervous, excited and confident, all at the same time. eeek. Pray for mee! :)

Also-listen to this song! It's amazing.

Everlasting Arms

Happy Sunday!
I normally wouldn't blog at Sunday at this time, but I have a little bit yet until it's time to leave for church and for some reason my fingers are "itching" to blog. haha.. I think I'm becoming slightly addicted.

Yesterday was a really good day! There was a scary incident that happened in the morning though. I was on my way to R&R at around 7:30ish and most of the road was well and safe, but there were some patches covered with snow/ice that had been blowing from the day before. (from all the flat farm lands) Well I was going about 50 mph, because honestly the roads didn't seem bad. All of a sudden though I hit a patch of snowy-icey-ness and my car started to skid. I was going so fast so I couldn't just slam on the break, but I was slowly applying it as I kept trying to right my car. I was swerving all over the place and then eventually my car did a 180 and completely turned around. It was terrifying. I was so close to going into the snow bank but luckily my car stopped just before. There were even some cars around but I didn't hit anybody! They stopped to let me turn back around.
You might be asking, and THIS is a good day?! But guys, GOD WAS SO WITH ME!!! I was a little shaken still once I got to the retreat but I was so amazed. God kept me and the other drivers around me safe. I didn't hit anybody or anything. I was shaken, but also kept quite calm (ONLY by God!!) I was completely okay, and God was with me through that entire situation!!! =) Praise Jesus!

The retreat was so good too. Jenny talked about weeds. (The weed of worry, want, and wealth in our lives) and how weeds and God both need the same sort of things to "grow" or take over. Like attention, and things of that nature. Those "weeds" don't stand a chance of growing and taking over our lives when we are spending our time/attention in God and keeping faith. Also spending time in His word is crucial.

Aside from the fantastic message I also got to see some lovely ladies who I LOVE so much. :) It was wonderful.

Afterwards Amanda and I went to pottery works/bead works. We did the bead works rather than the pottery and it was SO fun! The whole room was literally FULL of beads, every kind you could imagine. You just go around and pick the beads you want, keeping track of the pricing. (most on average ranged from .10 to .70 cents.) We spent so long picking out the beads because there were so many to choose from! We each made a couple watch bands and the lady showed us how to finish them off. We're pretty basically bead experts at this point. ;)

Later in the day I also got to hang out with my roommate from last year, Kasey. It was a good time. We had dinner here, went to the mall/Walmart, made brownies, played some DEAL, and watched a movie. :) I'd say we were very successful.

So that was my Saturday. I just couldn't wait to write about God and His goodness!
On a whole other note, I memorized my verse, and I was thinking about it more, and realized how LAME I was for thinking I could only do one verse for January. So I decided I will do TWO even though I'm jumping on a little late. I'll pick my other verse at some point today and put that on up there. :)

Jeremiah 17

Well, unfortunately I have failed this week at keeping up with my blog. It's finals time though, so I feel like that's a valid excuse. I haven't even been able to keep up reading others' blogs this week.

God is doing some awesome things in my heart though. :) I've had a couple of revelations and things today and I'm still trying to sort through it all, hopefully writing it down will help.

This morning there was an R and R retreat and it was really great.
Jenny was talking about bearing fruit and how we obviously should be bearing fruit, BUT, we should be cautious to the fact that we aren't bearing "fast fruit". It was the first time I had ever heard this concept. If we bear "fast fruit" it most likely means that we have no root, or foundation and that it won't last in times of trials. She was focusing a lot on the "roots" today. She said it's better to have nothing on the surface, no fruit, because you could be growing much needed roots down deep. Even though you may not see a fruit RIGHT now, it doesn't mean that God is not working in your life.

She talked about the four T's, trials, trouble, testing, and temptation and how these things can "scorch" our plants, making us hide from the sun. People often fall away in those times because they do not have ROOTS. They go farther from God. BUT those T's aren't always bad.. they can cause growth in us IF we have roots. The only way we can grow roots is to listen and obey God's word. To turn TO Him to allow those roots to grow.

(I hope that makes sense, she uses a lot of analogies..and explains it way better than I can)

Anyway, the journal time at the retreat this morning was a total TEN for me. God really spoke to me. I realized that, for one, I feel like my life should ALWAYS be producing fruit at ALL times, and I think I get ahead of myself. I certainly have been letting those T's (trials, temptations, troubles, testing..) get to me in the wrong way. I'm so easily moved by them. I wrote down that sometimes I hear Satan's voice louder than God's, especially lately. When those hard times and T's come I have been turning away from God instead of towards Him, not allowing Him to do His work that He wants to do. I realized that nothing can come out of these seemingly bad things in my head/heart if I don't come to God to use it and mold me through all that junk. The ROOTS will never grow if I ignore God and don't come to Him with these things.

I really heard God's voice this morning saying "COME TO ME IN ALL TIMES!!"
He wants me to come when I'm anxious. He wants me to come when I'm fearful. He wants me to come when I'm lonely. He even wants me to come when I'm bitter. Or when I'm angry, or even jealous. God WANTS ME TO COME! At ALL TIMES! Whatever it is I'm doing or feeling, it doesn't matter, He wants it. He wants me. There is nothing He can do if I choose to keep those things in my heart. He can't grow those roots in me if I don't bring these things.

The other revelation is that I've really been hearing Satan's voice so loudly lately that it's affecting my mood, and my actions, and worst of all, my heart. I was reading Pastor Duane's sermon notes from the sermon I missed a couple of weeks ago when I went home, it was about discerning the voice of God. It's something that seems like it should be so simple but these few points were the ones that "hit" the most for me.

1)God's voice leads to peace inside you
2)God's voice will not contradict the written word of God
3)God's voice will be confirmed
4)Acting on it brings glory to God

With this and the retreat and God speaking today, I've been realizing that I've had SO much junk in my heart lately. There is so much I need to bring to God. There are so many lies that Satan has been putting in my head. And there are a lot of places I need to allow God to work. After reflecting, I can certainly see that there are things creeping up in my heart that I never ever want to be there. I've been acting in ways that I've regretted all because of the enemy's subtle voice in my head.

It's a HUGE weakness on my part that I've been listening to it and not keeping these things in check.

A big problem (or whatever you want to call it) is that I'm seriously insecure. The enemy has been using true situations in my life and twisting them to seem like something they really aren't, feeding off of my insecurity.

It's disgusting. There aren't any other words I would use. It disgusts me how my human nature can take over and how I've been acting/what I've been holding in my heart. That's why it's SUCH AN AMAZING thing that God still WANTS it ALL.

When I come to Him through each trial and temptation..etc, he can use that to grow me. Then, when I have those roots deep down, I can still receive His nourishing water in the storms and drought. I will be so secure that I won't be moved.

A lot of scripture was highlighted today but this was my favorite.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8
7[Most] blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is.

8For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters that spreads out its roots by the river; and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green. It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought, nor shall it cease yielding fruit.

Be sure to come to God in your own life so that you'll be "growing" long lasting fruit! :)

I will follow you

Hello World:) (or the few people that read this)

I wanted to write something this week and then I constantly got distracted and kept forgetting and I'm only just now sitting down by myself to write a little something.

(Because I want to keep up with this "at least writing on Sunday" thing. :)

I read a lot of great scriptures this week.

This verse in particular from 1 Kings stuck out in mind this week from my readings:

11And He said, Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord. And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake;

12And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire [a sound of gentle stillness and] a still, small voice.

I even wrote out the verses and drew/colored them to depict the wind and the fire and such. :) It's hanging on my wall right now.

I really love the reminder that God is always with us, and He is always speaking, but sometimes He does speak in a whisper and we have to listen for His voice to really hear Him.

God really spoke to my heart this week through a song called "Can't live without You" by Bebo Norman. My favorite part, and the one that stuck out most was a the bridge that says

"Can you hold on? Can you hold onto me? Because You hold everything"

Not only does it sound awesome in the song but God constantly reminded this week that He IS holding onto me. He's GOT me. Through every trial, every fear, every presentation, and every frustration...God IS holding me. What a comfort!


This was a great weekend. It was so refreshing and such a nice mental break from junior block. (it sort of makes me feel like I didn't do enough work this weekend but it was worth it I think)

Saturday morning was r&r which is always wonderful. The theme this month is to "Prepare for a productive planting".
We talked (well Jenny talked) all about how a gardener(God) prepares (our hearts) for productive "planting".

There are four steps that we will go through each week to have the "soil" reach the spiritual condition. (ok as I'm writing this it sounds confusing, but trust me it sounds way more confusing than it really is)

But anyway, God wants us to bear fruit and in order for that to happen we have to first make sure our hearts are right. (this month's process is to get our hearts right)
It seems like it will be interesting to go through the booklet and hopefully as I do I'll be able to journal about stuff I figure out. For example, from just quickly glancing at the book, this week I feel like I'll figure out if and which parts of my heart have become calloused..

so yeah...we'll see how it goes.

The verse that I found so comforting from that morning was in 1 Corinthians 3:11

"For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is [already] laid, which is Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)."

I can try to prepare my heart all I want on my own, but it does NO good! Because no foundation can be laid besides the one that God had already laid!

It's pretty sweet stuff.


Besides that I got to play on ucf worship team this morning and it was SO GREAT! :)

I seriously loved it. It was so much fun and I love finally doing what I feel like God had wanted me to do with this "gift" He's given me all along. (this will be another post, for another day though) ha

I'm getting sleepy.

But. I feel so blessed.

There is absolutely nothing better than being in this place of trusting God with my whole life. The grace that He continues to pour out always astounds me and I am forever grateful. I'm so thankful for my roommates and I really love them both a ton! It's been so fun living with them. Kay and I had some awesome worship time tonight, and it was so unplanned and that was the best part.=)
I'm so thankful for all the amazing friendships God has pieced together in my life. I couldn't ask for anyone better than the amazing women of God who constantly encourage me and help remind me what love is.
I'm sooo incredibly thankful that God has got a hold of my life and that He already knows the way. He's walked the path before me and He's come back to walk it with me. Amen! :)