Encounter

I've been wanting to write this post since LAST Sunday, and just never got to it.

The church that I've been going to had a worship night (which I guess they have once a month) last Sunday. Basically they sing in worship for about an hour.

It was SO wonderful, and powerful!

I loved every minute.

There is something so special about so many believers in one place together, worshiping God with all their hearts.

I had this image in my head of God and His HUGE cross. I was thinking about how BIG God is. Looking around at all of the people in the sanctuary with me. People filled with their own problems, their own lives.... and then about my problems. How they seem SO big to me because for right now, it consumes e v e r y part of my life. It's school. It's hard. It's tough. Makes me smile. and want to cry. I love my kids. and I can't stand them. and I'm C O N S U M E D with this, on a daily basis.

But here is God and his MIGHTY CROSS. I had the image of little, tiny, me. And my little tiny life.
In the perspective of everything else, it didn't seem so big. I kept thinking about my smallness and presenting my "stuff" to God. Laying it at his cross and just  looking up at His cross in awe.

Are you getting it? Can you picture it? What a powerful image. It's saying "Here it is God" "You take it" "I surrender" "You are SO much bigger and greater than I or my problems will EVER be."

Even though it seems SO HUGE and massive in my life. Like this mountain I can't see around..... I can give it to God and worship Him in awe of who He is.

It is a wonderfully humbling revelation.

Listen to this song. SO good.

Bought with a price

Gooood morning friends!

Wanted to share this today because I know we've all felt like this a time or two...

I've really been struggling with my self-worth.

I find myself questioning who I am at times.

I've been hardcore comparing myself to others.

It only brings envy, jealousy, confusion, and so much insecurity.

There is a voice in my head that tells me, constantly,

"Why can't you look like that?"

"Why can't you do those things?"

"Why don't you have that?"

..and in the end, the answer is always a resounding....

"You're NOT good enough"

"You're NOT worth it"

"Something is wrong with you"

Have you felt it? Have you heard it?

It's hard to live that way. To carry those lies. It's a burden I should never hold on to, but one that's so hard to put down.

But God whispers these truths to my heart....

"Kari, you were bought with a price, purchased with a preciousness an paid for by Christ!"

1 Corin. 7:23

"The Lord created you. The Lord formed you. He has redeemed you. He has ransomed you by paying a price for you instead of leaving you captive. I have called you by your name, you are mine!" Isaiah 43:1

(Fill in the "you" in the verse above with YOUR name. Those are powerful words)

"Kari, I love you to last and to the highest degree!" John 13:1

"For you did form my inward parts....How precious and weighty also are your thoughts to me, O God. How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand." Psalm 139:15, 17

*Notice if we could count them...but we can't! Because of the vast amount of thoughts He has toward us, we can never fathom or understand it.

"Will He that is formed say to Him that formed it, why have you made me thus?" Rom 8:20

God purposed to make HIS glory known and to show the wealth of His glory through YOU His vessel. Rom 8:23

Soak that in today friend. Those truths comfort me completely and I hope they do the same for you!

Image credit here

Life Updates and the like

Hey there friendsss :)

Figured it's time for some good, solid life updates. Yeah?

Started at my second job this past week. I really think I'm going to like it there. It's at a children's clothing store and (besides the clothing being melt-your-heart ADORABLE)I really love and appreciate working with people and the interaction with the customers. Also, organizing the clothes in the order they should be on the rack. (which is most of what I did last week) Call me OCD, but it's actually a little fun.

It is overwhelming though. Just a little. It's a longgg long, day working at school and then working there in the evening. Phew.. the second evening I wised up and wore more comfortable pants and shoes and it wasn't so bad! ha It's a crazy concept how much comfort makes a difference! I like the co-workers I've met so far too. :)

As far as the whole confusion post about God goes, I'm feeling pretty much better. Thanks to awesome comments.. and just because of spending time in prayer and the word.

God's been speaking in amazing ways and reassuring that salvation comes by believing in Him alone.

For instance in that book "Radical" the author states that we, the church have made up the idea of a prayer to let Jesus in and then we believe we're saved. He made it seem like that's not enough...but this verse is THE word of the Lord, mister!

9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

So, that was a comfort, I heard that one read on the radio on my way to school, and I was like OHH YEAH!

Then, while at Panera, I was killing time before my job (I don't have time to travel home before hand-it just wouldn't make sense) I was reading my Bible and journaling. Awhile in, I heard the women behind me reading the Bible together! I heard Psalm 103 clear as day as though God was reading it right to me.

⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

How awesome is that?!

There have been other ways, God's been speaking... in personal things while I spend quiet time in prayer. It's the best. There is nothing like it!

Photo image can be found here

Now and then

One of my most favorite things about keeping a blog, is the ability to be able to look back and see how I truly felt and what was going on at any given day in the past year or so.

It's always amazing. I don't know about anyone else, but I totally get encouraged by my own words..! ha. Anyone else ever experience that?

I saw someone's fb status about how she's just taken a final... I remember that she has to take them now because she's a junior block student like I was at this time last year... about to go into field placement. I was curious how I might have been feeling at this time last year.. so I took a peek.

I didn't say nearly as much (barely anything actually...) about my finals as I would have thought. BUT at this time last year I was going through some major anxiety about the future. I was so focused on where to live, what to do... it was so scary for me because I didn't know what God had in store.

but ALAS! Here I am today! A year later and still OKAY. I'm alive, I made it through the transition of graduation. I have a place to live... and God IS good.

In another post from November last year I was seriously depressed. I don't know how long you've been reading, but you might remember, I got depressed pretty frequently. I'm so thankful that those feelings are few and far between these days (I think my anxiety meds play a big role in that..)

It was encouraging to go back and read those posts today because, honestly, I didn't have a great day. Some days, I have a TON of down time..( days 5,6,1) and I literally have nothing to do. It gets really frustrating and by the end of the day I was basically running out of there because I couldn't take it any longer.. (I think the fact that it's Friday had something to do with that too)

THEN....wait for it..

On my way out the door that I always leave from, the alarm went off. You've got to be

k i d d i n g

me right? yeah. that happened. I don't have a key to turn it off either.

Anyway...I read this from my blog last year and was encouraged:

I really heard God's voice this morning saying "COME TO ME IN ALL TIMES!!"
He wants me to come when I'm anxious. He wants me to come when I'm fearful. He wants me to come when I'm lonely. He even wants me to come when I'm bitter. Or when I'm angry, or even jealous. God WANTS ME TO COME! At ALL TIMES! Whatever it is I'm doing or feeling, it doesn't matter, He wants it. He wants me. There is nothing He can do if I choose to keep those things in my heart. He can't grow those roots in me if I don't bring these things.

How completely perfect?

What a great reminder that God even wants me to come to him with this.

I left feeling a tad frustrated and way insecure (again that feeling of not being needed..it creates insecurity for me...) and God is like...come to me. I want even this. I know how you're feeling.

But you know, what's awesome about this job, is that I still believe God wants me there. And I take comfort in that often. People at work ask me if I like it...if I wished I would have stayed on the sub list.. but it's not really about that.

I KNOW with my whole heart that this is where I am supposed to be, and so this is where I am. (and where I WANT to be)

It's a neat thing when you're in God's will.

I hope you can take some comfort in these things today.

God had my life on the right road last year when I was struggling to see how the pieces fit, and He has it now, still.

:)

**And now I will enjoy my weekend of fellowship at RR, hiking with ABF, babysitting, and RELAXING! Let the fun commence.

Face lift.

SO......

My blog got a face lift! And...I just l o v e i t. I'd always kind of wanted something cute and unique but I have no clue how to do all that design stuff... believe me, I've tried and failed. So, I had someone else do it for meee. :) I'm happy with the end product, I must say.

I just love blogs, and blogging...and feeling connected to other people by reading their blogs. I seriously wish I had more time to do it because I could spend hours looking for new blog reads... I just don't have that kind of time.

This past weekend I went home. Like HOME, home. I loved my life. It was so relaxing and just what I needed. I didn't want to leave.

The church situation at home is a little weird. I was going to a church that my mom had started attending also...but now she goes somewhere else...and well, I didn't go anywhere.

Instead, I spent time at home checking my own heart, prayerfully.

I really heard God telling me to just "let go". "Let go of this grip, you have on everything"..He said.

I was praying about a bunch of things, and I heard that clearly, that I have a grip on these things and I just need to let them go. I have such control (or like to pretend I do)...but God is like...stop. Let go. Put all of it at the cross. I WILL guide you. I WILL lead you. I WILL provide. I WILL comfort. I KNOW your heart, your life, what makes you tick. Just let. go.

It was refreshing.

I need to be spending more time in God's word.

Not because I NEED to, to be accepted. I'm past the point of believing that lie...but I truly want to. My soul is thirsty for God and His words... I just let these distractions have free reign.

I'm working on it...for sure.

Hope you're off to a swell start.

We are His

Yesterday it was just, plain, gorgeous outside where I live. It was about 80 for the high, but felt like 70-ish with the cool breeze.

I went for a walk down to this little park near my house and walked the little track they have there.

I was praying and thinking about making sure I'm doing and following God's plan for my life. I'm moving in a couple of days to E-town. Is this where I'm supposed to be? Really? How do I know?

And God really spoke to my heart in a way that only He can to remind me to immerse myself in Him and I'll be following the right path. If I just make sure I'm connected to Him and putting Him above all else...where I go and what I do WILL be right because I'll hear His voice, and feel that peace.

:)

I also wanted to share this verse that I read this morning.

¹⁹Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own,

²⁰You were bought with a price [purchased with a ^[b]preciousness and paid for, ^[c]made His own]. So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body.

I love these verses! God bought us with a price and we are His to bring HIM glory!

LOVE.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

This morning I found and read these verses in Habakkuk 3. They were so encouraging and I feel like I will be keeping them in mind these next few days and weeks as I move and begin trying to make connections in this time of such hopelessness that is employment.

¹⁷Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls,

¹⁸Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation!^(A)

¹⁹The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]! For the Chief Musician; with my stringed instruments.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

I'm pretty excited because I was looking around the area I'll be living to see if there are any walk-in clinic type places where I can get a renewed TB test (a couple of the schools I want to sub in require this within a year.) And I found something that sounds perfect...so here's my plans...ps. these plans have been so up in the air and scattered that I don't think I've really said much about them..

I'm planning to help out a friend move into her dorm for the first time on Thursday. Then on the way back I will get my TB test. I'll be staying with some friends (yes, I'm basically that weird nomad girl) for a couple of nights before I can actually move in to the place I will be staying.

Then...hopefully I can get my test read by Saturday and go to the school's with my info on Monday. (Can't waste anytime, you know)

I found a baby-sitting job that is in the SAME little town that I will be living in also..! I talked with the woman, she's seems so nice, and she said she would let me get myself settled and then we can meet.

Regardless of whether this actually works out or not it was so neat because the timing of it all was such a God thing. She had posted the same day I decided to look (I found her on care.com), she got back to me right away, and we'll be in the same town. Which...in itself is a miracle because it's so small.

Like "Are you from around here, because I didn't recognize your name"..kind of small. I've put it in God's hands though.

In other news...something funky is going on with my laptop keys. First, the "v" key was acting up and sticking, then that was better but the "a" key was stuck...an now that that is unstuck my "d" key is hardly working. I have to like pound at it to make a "d". ha...so if I should be missing a "d" somewhere in this post, you know why.

Has anyone ever experienced this before? I would love a new computer but not really wanting to actually buy said new computer.

:)

Idols...kind of

I've been reading a TON this summer.

I'm not sure how much I've actually mentioned it on my blog, but I LOVE to read. I've been averaging one book a week...which is a lot for me these days, considering work and everything.

I just finished the first book in the Hunger Games series. The plot of the story is kind of gory and brutal but I couldn't stop reading it. It was very well written.

Besides that, I'm feeling the need to blog right now about something that's leaning on the personal side.

I checked out the "She Seeks" website tonight again on a whim (I really don't check it too often) and it was about friendships and how they can "be imbalanced."

It talked about how, often, women make their friendships too important or not important enough.

Something God has really been gently walking me through all summer (and early spring) is that I tend to form an "unhealthy attachment" to some of my friends.

By unhealthy I mean that I can very easily place my friends as a "god" in my life, that is above everything else.

I realllyy highly value my friendships and it's a big weakness on my part. I let my trust fall more on people sometimes than on God. He needs to be at the highest place in my life and when He's not the highest...my "thing" that takes the place reserved for Him is friends.

Everyone has something that they struggle to not idolize (I mean, they do right..? right?) I'm realizing that friends/relationships are mine. I really truly struggle with it and I'm praying that God will help me to create a healthy balance.

People can't be trusted above all. Only God can. When I put a person in such a "high" place, they will and inevitably DO let me down in some type of way, because they're human. The person YOU love the most in the life will let you down.

God will never, ever, ever, EVER let me down or fail me. He will never change or leave me.

What do you struggle for as an idol in your life?

Whatever it is, pray that God will ultimately be at the highest point. When you can truly grasp and believe that God is everything you need there is really nothing else that compares!