Bought with a price

Gooood morning friends!

Wanted to share this today because I know we've all felt like this a time or two...

I've really been struggling with my self-worth.

I find myself questioning who I am at times.

I've been hardcore comparing myself to others.

It only brings envy, jealousy, confusion, and so much insecurity.

There is a voice in my head that tells me, constantly,

"Why can't you look like that?"

"Why can't you do those things?"

"Why don't you have that?"

..and in the end, the answer is always a resounding....

"You're NOT good enough"

"You're NOT worth it"

"Something is wrong with you"

Have you felt it? Have you heard it?

It's hard to live that way. To carry those lies. It's a burden I should never hold on to, but one that's so hard to put down.

But God whispers these truths to my heart....

"Kari, you were bought with a price, purchased with a preciousness an paid for by Christ!"

1 Corin. 7:23

"The Lord created you. The Lord formed you. He has redeemed you. He has ransomed you by paying a price for you instead of leaving you captive. I have called you by your name, you are mine!" Isaiah 43:1

(Fill in the "you" in the verse above with YOUR name. Those are powerful words)

"Kari, I love you to last and to the highest degree!" John 13:1

"For you did form my inward parts....How precious and weighty also are your thoughts to me, O God. How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand." Psalm 139:15, 17

*Notice if we could count them...but we can't! Because of the vast amount of thoughts He has toward us, we can never fathom or understand it.

"Will He that is formed say to Him that formed it, why have you made me thus?" Rom 8:20

God purposed to make HIS glory known and to show the wealth of His glory through YOU His vessel. Rom 8:23

Soak that in today friend. Those truths comfort me completely and I hope they do the same for you!

Image credit here

WILW

What I'm loving Wednesday!

I'm loving.... this song! It may be the best song in...the whole world. yup. Well okay, it's a good one. It just makes me happy!

I'm loving....prayer time with my savior and listening to His truths. There are just some things I'm really struggling with personally but I'm trying to work through some things...possibly more on that later...(and well most likely, because you know I don't hold back..hah)

I'm loving... THIS WEATHER!!!! Ahhh :))) I don't know where YOU live but here it has been GORGEOUS and sunny 70's. Best ever. It makes me want the beach.

This week is PSSA week (Pennsylvania's version of State testing) and every morning the 3rd-5th graders head out to the track once they put their things in their classroom..etc. I was asked to monitor them and it's been so nice to walk around the track at least once myself! The students loveeee it. They run and leap and are so happy to do laps before school begins.

I'm loving... that I didn't have to go in to my part time job tonight! It's the first weeknight evening since last Wednesday that I've had free. It feels great! I do really, really like the job, it's easy and kind of fun..but by 8-9pm I'm mentally and physically exhausted. No denying it. (Plus my feet hurt like no one's business!)

Along those lines I'm also loving that I got to go to the gym today finally!

Loving....that tomorrow is Thursday! This has been the longest week of my life. Weird schedule at work from the PSSA, and long long days...

Loving...how long it stays light outside now! :)

Woohoo!

What are you loving??

Life Updates and the like

Hey there friendsss :)

Figured it's time for some good, solid life updates. Yeah?

Started at my second job this past week. I really think I'm going to like it there. It's at a children's clothing store and (besides the clothing being melt-your-heart ADORABLE)I really love and appreciate working with people and the interaction with the customers. Also, organizing the clothes in the order they should be on the rack. (which is most of what I did last week) Call me OCD, but it's actually a little fun.

It is overwhelming though. Just a little. It's a longgg long, day working at school and then working there in the evening. Phew.. the second evening I wised up and wore more comfortable pants and shoes and it wasn't so bad! ha It's a crazy concept how much comfort makes a difference! I like the co-workers I've met so far too. :)

As far as the whole confusion post about God goes, I'm feeling pretty much better. Thanks to awesome comments.. and just because of spending time in prayer and the word.

God's been speaking in amazing ways and reassuring that salvation comes by believing in Him alone.

For instance in that book "Radical" the author states that we, the church have made up the idea of a prayer to let Jesus in and then we believe we're saved. He made it seem like that's not enough...but this verse is THE word of the Lord, mister!

9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

So, that was a comfort, I heard that one read on the radio on my way to school, and I was like OHH YEAH!

Then, while at Panera, I was killing time before my job (I don't have time to travel home before hand-it just wouldn't make sense) I was reading my Bible and journaling. Awhile in, I heard the women behind me reading the Bible together! I heard Psalm 103 clear as day as though God was reading it right to me.

⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

How awesome is that?!

There have been other ways, God's been speaking... in personal things while I spend quiet time in prayer. It's the best. There is nothing like it!

Photo image can be found here

Photos

Yesterday (and basically all of last week) was SO very busy. I'm so worn down.

I had fun, don't get me wrong..but a little overwhelmed, none the less.

I got to take some pictures of a 3 month old yesterday. He's a cutie pa-tootie! Check 'em out yo.

If you're a fan, feel free to "like" my page on facebook!! :)

Contradiction

So, I've been MIA. Sorry, friends.

I keep thinking about things to write, and then I don't for a day, and move on to something "else" in my brain, and then it is too late to write about it... make sense?

I think I've also been avoiding my lil old blog, because I don't want to be a downer and don't know how to put to words what exactly I've been feeling.

I feel so condemned. and I've felt so condemned lately. It took me way too long to realize the voice I've been hearing, the one whispering that I'm not doing enough, that I'm not good enough, that I'm failing...isn't God's voice and it isn't truth. It's lies, and even now it's hard to believe.

I feel so much shame for how I'm living my life.

Like it's all about me.

I haven't been spending any time in God's word, but I'm to the point of feeling like God hates me or something, like He's mad...because I continually choose other things...stupid, fleeting things over Him. Why would He choose me? Why would He want to be a part of my fleeting life?

I'm nothing.

I feel so confused by books like "Radical" that make it seem that we as Christians are failing....the underlying message that I hear when I read books like that is "God isn't loving!" "God doesn't love you!" "What you do is ALL wrong" "You're WRONG!"

I got about 3 pages in and it's ridiculous. I know books like that are supposed to convict...but I feel condemned, and I've learned that those are two VERY different words.

And then there are books like "Grace Walk" that share the message "God loves you!" "You are covered in GRACE!" "All you need to do is spend time with Him!" "the relationship is most important!".

So where is the middle ground in these two extremes?

Is God loving? or does He hate what I do? Does He always look at me in disgust because I'm so wrong?

I can't wrap my head around how these books contradict each other and where the truth lies.

I feel like such a failure and I need the truth.

What I do know is that God doesn't exist to get me shiny new things. He doesn't exist to find me a job. To help me get an apartment. He doesn't exist to develop my future. for me, me, me...

It's not about ME.

I'm just overly confused. And overwhelmed.