When I stop trying to create a life for myself...

"When I stop trying to create a life for myself, I find the life God creates for me".


I saw this quote the other day and I really love it. I've been thinking about it a lot today and meditating on it.

This post might end up seeming pretty personal, but I always try to be as real as possible.

This weekend both of my roommates went home. When I realized on Friday that they would BOTH in fact be going home I was not a happy camper. I don't mean to sound repetitive but I truly don't mind alone time, for some reason though I felt really panicked.

If there is one thing I will avoid like the plague it's being home alone for long periods of time. I just hate the feeling I get and I just plain don't like it. I've been in this similar position before I guess when I've been alone for awhile and I guess the best way to say it plain and simple is that I get really depressed.

Now that I've been through times like that I guess I try to avoid them because I get scared when I might feel badly like that again.

With all that said and done..(sheesh) this weekend turned out to be a really good one. I got to spend some time with friends Friday and Saturday and it was really great. I was so relieved to not be by myself all weekend.

And well, all that I just said is pretty much my greatest fear in life and for the future.

All my worries always stem back to my fear of being alone.

I can remember specifically sophmore year being terrified that I wouldn't have anyone to live with my senior year. My SOPHMORE year!!! I'm pretty sure I was also scared that I wouldn't have any friends my senior year either...

Like really?! Why do I this??

I was looking TWO years ahead. And I was convinced that my life senior year would be horrible.

I'm really so glad that I can remember those feelings so clearly because now I can think back and see how God works, and that I CAN trust Him.

But anyyyway...back to the quote.

"When I stop trying to create a life for myself, I find the life God creates for me."

There are so many choices that I feel will need to be made by the end of this year. I'm so excited for student teaching and BEYOND excited to get out and actually be a teacher. I'm SO GLAD that I'm at this point in my life where I'll be a college graduate qualified to have my OWN classroom!

I can't wait, but at the same time, it really scares me that I don't know where I will be going, what I'll be doing, or who I'll be with.

Sometimes I try to think about it, and it's exciting but now it'll be reality (really soon) and I'll actually need to decide.. and well I just don't know what I should do. (not that I NEED to decide RIGHT now, as much as I may convince myself)I know what I would plan for myself if I were the one callin' the shots... but I'm NOT. I think about the way I want things to go but God is the one who allows for my life to be shaped the way it is. He is the one directing my path (and I WANT Him directing it, not me.)

I want the life God is creating for me, not the one I'm trying to create out of pure self-reliance and control.

It's so awesome that when I stop creating my own life, that's when I can lean on God to work out HIS plan in me and through me.

I really need some direction for my life.

I love that I can see how these things apply even through my years in college. SO many things happened that I would never have been able to guess or even want to happen. They weren't how I would have planned it, but God worked them all out and they were GOOD! Even if I'm confused with the direction my life will go in now, I know that God will do things I could have never imagined and they'll be better that the plans I would plan for myself.


9A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. Proverbs 16:9

14For He is [Himself] our peace (our bond of unity and harmony). Ephesians 2:14

17The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17