What went on in 2012?

Have to do my annual post..:)

In 2012.....

-I started life in my very own apartment
-Payed a lot of my own bills...(hah)
-Started working retail
-Got a hammy and lost one..=/
-Made a lot of close friends at the school where I work
-Had a few interviews
-Turned the big 2-3
-Went kayaking for the first time
-Saw monkeys riding on sheep dogs
-Saw lumineers live in Philly
-saw ZZ ward in MD
-Went to Alabama with MDS
-also went to Savannah GA, and Charleston SC
-Shot three weddings
-Tasted wine at a vineyard
-Experienced the joys of the laundromat for the first time
-Got an iphone 5 :)
-Got a THIRD job. (why yes, I am crazy, thanks for asking)
-Stood as a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding
-Threw a bridal shower
-Chopped my hair and donated it
-Made a quilt in 2 weeks time
-Went camping and bought a tent AFTERwards (that I still haven't used)

2013 GOALS
-Make healthy meals for myself often
-Get involved with a church
-book at least one wedding
-Get a teaching job ( how likely? but PLEASE 2013 BE GOOD)

I'm mad.

I need to get these feelings out.
Part of me feels like I shouldn't document this on the old blog, but who cares. No one reads this anymore anyway...right?

I'm just so...flippin....mad.

I'm mad about what happened last Friday. I'm mad that evil exists in our world that way. I'm mad that it happened around Christmas and that so many little lives were lost in such an unfair way. It makes me upset to think about the families coping, and mad that they should have to go through that at all.

My hamster has been sick for a couple of weeks, and was getting progressively worse. I found this morning that she died last night. I'm mad that she ever got sick in the first place. I'm mad that I couldn't make her better. I'm mad that I had to see her so sick. I'm mad that I'm so mad and upset about a hamster. A HAMSTER?! Really Kari? But. I. am.
I loved that stupid hamster like she was my child. I'm so mad that she's gone. I'm so mad that I couldn't even keep my hamster alive.

Last night was so frustrating. I was making a quilt for my mom for Christmas and right near the end, I broke my sewing machine needle...dropped it in the cracks of the machine while trying to replace it...broke another needle, and my machine decided to crap out and not work on my quilt. Seriously? Meanwhile trying to feed my sicker than sick hamster with a syringe. So frustrated with those feelings from last night.
Some angel from school lent me her sewing machine so I could finish. I finished the quilt tonight. Relieved.
But still mad.

I'm just mad.

Thoughts on Anxiety

I'm itching to blog.

My parents came up yesterday to swap cars with me.
When they got here we went to lunch.

"What are you doing? Am I making you nervous?"
" No, Dad, you're not making me nervous...why would I be nervous....."
"You're all shaky"
"It's what I do. I shake my legs...it's just a thing I do."
"Okay...we all have our things. I do this (biting his nails) and I have to put up with cats who have there own problems..."
: |


Dad:..."So my birthday is on the last day of the world."
Me: "It won't be the end of the world because no one knows the time....like a thief in the night"
Dad: "That's the rapture, I'm not talking about the rapture"
Me: "Same thing."
Dad:"If Jesus comes he'll come before the end of the world. So it'll be a couple days before my birthday."
Me: "Well, that's fine with me. I've had enough...."

That made my parents laugh, but I really would rather be in Heaven, who wouldn't??

Yesterday was a particularly anxiety ridden day for me. All I wanted to do was hide under my bed and sleep. But my parents were here and so I couldn't.
I was talking to my mom while laying on my couch with the blanket over my head. Dad walks in from outside and goes...."Where is she??" (no really, he was serious)
"I'm right here dad"
Dad walks out and back in a few minutes later.
"where'd she go??"
Me to Mom...."is this an invisible blanket?"

Any way, I realized that I've been this anxiety person for my whole life.
I remembered the time when I was younger and I had just gotten a new bike.
After we brought it home, I didn't feel right.
"I feel weird, Mom..." I remember saying. I realize now it's because I didn't know the words to say "I'm really anxious".

You're probably thinking who gets anxiety over a NEW bike??

Anything new, anything different, if it means change in any type of way, it probably gives me anxiety.
It's something I wish I didn't have to deal with, but it's a part of my personality. If you struggle with it too, know that God KNOWS and He will always grant His peace. He is always bigger than it.