I will follow you

Hello World:) (or the few people that read this)

I wanted to write something this week and then I constantly got distracted and kept forgetting and I'm only just now sitting down by myself to write a little something.

(Because I want to keep up with this "at least writing on Sunday" thing. :)

I read a lot of great scriptures this week.

This verse in particular from 1 Kings stuck out in mind this week from my readings:

11And He said, Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord. And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake;

12And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire [a sound of gentle stillness and] a still, small voice.

I even wrote out the verses and drew/colored them to depict the wind and the fire and such. :) It's hanging on my wall right now.

I really love the reminder that God is always with us, and He is always speaking, but sometimes He does speak in a whisper and we have to listen for His voice to really hear Him.

God really spoke to my heart this week through a song called "Can't live without You" by Bebo Norman. My favorite part, and the one that stuck out most was a the bridge that says

"Can you hold on? Can you hold onto me? Because You hold everything"

Not only does it sound awesome in the song but God constantly reminded this week that He IS holding onto me. He's GOT me. Through every trial, every fear, every presentation, and every frustration...God IS holding me. What a comfort!


This was a great weekend. It was so refreshing and such a nice mental break from junior block. (it sort of makes me feel like I didn't do enough work this weekend but it was worth it I think)

Saturday morning was r&r which is always wonderful. The theme this month is to "Prepare for a productive planting".
We talked (well Jenny talked) all about how a gardener(God) prepares (our hearts) for productive "planting".

There are four steps that we will go through each week to have the "soil" reach the spiritual condition. (ok as I'm writing this it sounds confusing, but trust me it sounds way more confusing than it really is)

But anyway, God wants us to bear fruit and in order for that to happen we have to first make sure our hearts are right. (this month's process is to get our hearts right)
It seems like it will be interesting to go through the booklet and hopefully as I do I'll be able to journal about stuff I figure out. For example, from just quickly glancing at the book, this week I feel like I'll figure out if and which parts of my heart have become calloused..

so yeah...we'll see how it goes.

The verse that I found so comforting from that morning was in 1 Corinthians 3:11

"For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is [already] laid, which is Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)."

I can try to prepare my heart all I want on my own, but it does NO good! Because no foundation can be laid besides the one that God had already laid!

It's pretty sweet stuff.


Besides that I got to play on ucf worship team this morning and it was SO GREAT! :)

I seriously loved it. It was so much fun and I love finally doing what I feel like God had wanted me to do with this "gift" He's given me all along. (this will be another post, for another day though) ha

I'm getting sleepy.

But. I feel so blessed.

There is absolutely nothing better than being in this place of trusting God with my whole life. The grace that He continues to pour out always astounds me and I am forever grateful. I'm so thankful for my roommates and I really love them both a ton! It's been so fun living with them. Kay and I had some awesome worship time tonight, and it was so unplanned and that was the best part.=)
I'm so thankful for all the amazing friendships God has pieced together in my life. I couldn't ask for anyone better than the amazing women of God who constantly encourage me and help remind me what love is.
I'm sooo incredibly thankful that God has got a hold of my life and that He already knows the way. He's walked the path before me and He's come back to walk it with me. Amen! :)

When I stop trying to create a life for myself...

"When I stop trying to create a life for myself, I find the life God creates for me".


I saw this quote the other day and I really love it. I've been thinking about it a lot today and meditating on it.

This post might end up seeming pretty personal, but I always try to be as real as possible.

This weekend both of my roommates went home. When I realized on Friday that they would BOTH in fact be going home I was not a happy camper. I don't mean to sound repetitive but I truly don't mind alone time, for some reason though I felt really panicked.

If there is one thing I will avoid like the plague it's being home alone for long periods of time. I just hate the feeling I get and I just plain don't like it. I've been in this similar position before I guess when I've been alone for awhile and I guess the best way to say it plain and simple is that I get really depressed.

Now that I've been through times like that I guess I try to avoid them because I get scared when I might feel badly like that again.

With all that said and done..(sheesh) this weekend turned out to be a really good one. I got to spend some time with friends Friday and Saturday and it was really great. I was so relieved to not be by myself all weekend.

And well, all that I just said is pretty much my greatest fear in life and for the future.

All my worries always stem back to my fear of being alone.

I can remember specifically sophmore year being terrified that I wouldn't have anyone to live with my senior year. My SOPHMORE year!!! I'm pretty sure I was also scared that I wouldn't have any friends my senior year either...

Like really?! Why do I this??

I was looking TWO years ahead. And I was convinced that my life senior year would be horrible.

I'm really so glad that I can remember those feelings so clearly because now I can think back and see how God works, and that I CAN trust Him.

But anyyyway...back to the quote.

"When I stop trying to create a life for myself, I find the life God creates for me."

There are so many choices that I feel will need to be made by the end of this year. I'm so excited for student teaching and BEYOND excited to get out and actually be a teacher. I'm SO GLAD that I'm at this point in my life where I'll be a college graduate qualified to have my OWN classroom!

I can't wait, but at the same time, it really scares me that I don't know where I will be going, what I'll be doing, or who I'll be with.

Sometimes I try to think about it, and it's exciting but now it'll be reality (really soon) and I'll actually need to decide.. and well I just don't know what I should do. (not that I NEED to decide RIGHT now, as much as I may convince myself)I know what I would plan for myself if I were the one callin' the shots... but I'm NOT. I think about the way I want things to go but God is the one who allows for my life to be shaped the way it is. He is the one directing my path (and I WANT Him directing it, not me.)

I want the life God is creating for me, not the one I'm trying to create out of pure self-reliance and control.

It's so awesome that when I stop creating my own life, that's when I can lean on God to work out HIS plan in me and through me.

I really need some direction for my life.

I love that I can see how these things apply even through my years in college. SO many things happened that I would never have been able to guess or even want to happen. They weren't how I would have planned it, but God worked them all out and they were GOOD! Even if I'm confused with the direction my life will go in now, I know that God will do things I could have never imagined and they'll be better that the plans I would plan for myself.


9A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. Proverbs 16:9

14For He is [Himself] our peace (our bond of unity and harmony). Ephesians 2:14

17The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Isaiah 26:3-4

Today was a loonnnggg day.

I'm super tired right now and I have little to no motivation to study for my phonics exam tomorrow. Like it's actually sad how little I have studied for it.I'm not sure why but I could just NOT focus for the life of me until like 9 tonight..! ohhh well, I'm not too concerned about it, (perhaps that is why motivation is low)

I did get to take a little walk tonight:) It was a nice after dinner walk...(yes, I WAS by myself)
I decided it would be wise not to take my cell phone or ANYthing at all with me.
Well, it got dark pretty quick so my walk was short lived. (I was a little freaked out bc I didn't have anything on me..)But I still enjoyed it! It was beautiful out (still is actually) :)

So anyway, the point of this post is to say that I had one of my math presentations this morning. It was my website presentation. When I woke up I felt really nervous, like more than I usually would for a presentation. Which made me MORE nervous, that I was nervous. haa. Because then I feel like I'll do a bad job if I'm really THAT nervous.
It's a vicious cycle people. Buuut the YAY part is that I brought it to God in the morning, and again during class. I was pretty nervous in class too, but I kept praying over and over that God would give me a calm heart/calm me down, and He did!

When it was my turn I was a little nervous, (but the good, excited kind) not the
"oh my gosh I'm going to have a panic attack" kind. ;)(it was just about getting there..ha..almost.

I was reminded once again that My God neverr ever fails. He is always right there with me, giving me peace, calming my heart, and putting things into perspective.
:D I'm so thankful!

Now to go to sleep..or study? hmm..


3You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.

4So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages].

Your love never fails

So, it's Sunday evening and two weeks of junior block are already passed. (Only 10 more!)
It sounds like kind of a lot but I have a feeling it will go by really fast just like everything else does.

I feel like I have a lot on my mind right now.

This weekend was alright.

I got to hang out with Shelby on Friday night. (we went on a shopping extravaganza to the mall and the grocery store..haha, woohoo!)
I also got to have lunch with my good friend Alex on Saturday so that was fun.

The rest of the weekend though, was basically spent working on my math center...and let me tell you, devoting hours at a time to a project like that is sort of draining. It's not like it was really hard or anything but just kind of tedious. I also felt weird because since I was home working on it a lot, I felt like I was alone a lot. (which I was...ha) I don't mind being alone sometimes... If I'm relaxing it's no biggie, but I spent hours cutting, pasting, arranging..etc and didn't talk to anyone! I didn't like it at all.

BUT I am pleased (verrrry pleased) to say that my center is officially DONE!!Except for some last minute laminations -bc the copy shop was closed this weekend- that's nothing though and I'm so glad I was able to finish mostly everything else. (and THANKful that God gave me the motivation!)


On a whole other note, this morning was only the SECOND time I've been at UCF since being here at school. It seems so strange because I feel like I've been here for weeks and weeks, even though it's only been two. (?! how can this be?)

Anyway....it was okay. I honestly felt kind of weird about a lot of stuff this morning. It just feels so different now than it used to. A lot of it is probably due to the fact that I'm a senior now...and well, it IS different. And ..I don't like it. (that it's different that is)
For some reason I felt extremely distracted during worship..which was disappointing because I spent awhile before church preparing my heart so that I could focus on God.I also felt like the message was targeted to freshman only, which was kind of frustrating. I was thinking about it and I feel like UCF is mostly targeted toward underclassmen. Which is GREAT, but at the same time I feel like I've outgrown my place there.
Is UCF really that different or am I the one who's different?

A lot of this sounds really terrible. I AM fully aware that church is about worshiping God and giving Him the glory. It's not about the music, and it's not about the sermon.
At the same time though I was frustrated that I couldn't or wasn't worshiping like I wanted to. It's not about the sermon, but I want to go somewhere that I'm being fed. My soul is so thirsty for more of God and I'm just scared that I can't grow anymore there.

I feel so, so horrible for even thinking these things about UCF. That church and the people in it are largely responsible for turning me into the woman of God I am today, and I'm so grateful. I just couldn't help feeling those things this morning. It actually kind of got to me, well obviously, heh, it makes me more upset than I would like to admit.

I felt a TON of peace last week being here, like I said before, but for some reason today I was kind of struggling with the changes. =/ boo, I don't want to struggle with them because I know how dumb it is, but I can't help it darn it. I miss last year =( Like a lot. I miss having JJ around, like crazy, (she probably would have been the one keeping me company while I did my project), I miss UCF in the smc, I miss my other roommates, I miss CAREGROUP from last year like nothing else. Everything feels so different and I really miss the way last year was. I don't know if it's just because I'm not used to it or what it is. But boy...it does not feel good. :(

I still feel "right" with God, and I know nothing can ever separate me from His love, but I guess this just goes to show that you can have a GREAT relationship with God and still have bad days.

hmm..just gotta remember to 'breathe' and I'll be okay.


Next thing, is that I DID spend some quiet time with God this morning. I was looking out my window at one point and saw the F O R E S T that is our backyard since the weeds decided to grow as tall as trees. I look out there everyday and think to myself I NEED to get out there and do something about those asap before they get worse, but I have yet to do anything. It got me thinking about an analogy of course. :) (God likes to put these analogies in my head I think because I would never be able to think of them on my own I tell you.)

So basically we're like a garden. Weeds can grow in a garden (or a yard in this case) and they start out as no big deal. They're little tiny things and you could probably still enjoy yourself outside without thinking about them much. BUT leave them unattended( like maybe all summer perhaps) and the little things GROW. A LOT. The little weed that would have been so easy to pluck out of the ground before, now has thick branches and roots that probably run pretty deep. If I wanted to get rid of the MASSIVE weed at this point I wouldn't be able to even do it by myself without some sort of chopping devise. I would need to work REALLY hard to get rid of it, and all the weeds back there. In order to avoid the hassle and I put it off longer and it just gets worse.

The weeds for us are our sins. They start out as just little tiny, blips. One thought maybe or some words. If we aren't careful to pray about them and set ourselves straight with God's help they only get WORSE unattended. The worse they get, the harder they are to get rid of. Maybe you've gone from a thought to action or a habit. Before you know it you're in so deep that it's all the more difficult to set yourself straight again.

I've experienced this in my life through different things. A lot of the time with me it's things that make me upset that I try not to think about. Rather than bringing those things to God and praying about it, (I usually feel that thinking about those things at all will just make me more upset) I avoid them like the plague. So sometimes there's a build up and things just get worse and worse because they grow and fester in my mind. It doesn't sound as bad as sin per-say ( or maybe it does) but it IS sin, because that is a classic example of me not trusting God or thinking I can do things on my own.

Now, I'd like to think this situation hasn't happened to me in a while because lately, I DO try to bring absolutely everything to God. I guess it usually happens when life gets busy.

But anyWHO, there's that analogy. Weed out your garden before it becomes seemingly impossible to do so! ;)

21 life lessons for my 21st

In honor of my birthday I'm doing a birthday post. :)
(For block we have to keep a "writer's notebook" and write in it at least 3 times a week so I stole this "entry" from that!)

Sooo....for my 21st birthday I'm writing TWENTY-ONE life lessons for my 21st =) Starting with when I was little and then getting a bit more serious.

K..here we go..

1. Skittles don't grow rainbows.

2. A person CAN get by without sucking their thumb.

3. "Blanky" doesn't HAVE to go with me everywhere. ;) (still have that thing by the way..ahah)

4. Teachers don't live at school.

5. Sleeping without a night light isn't SO bad.

6. Most of Pennsylvania is in fact rural.

7. The "big kids" really aren't as big as I always thought.

8. Parents aren't perfect and they have flaws too.

9. It doesn't actually matter what people think about you.

10. How someone else sees you doesn't change who you are.

11. In one instant, one person can change anothers life without even knowing it.

12. Words carry a lot of weight.

13. It takes a while to build respect for someone and a second to lose it.

14. Quantity of friends doesn't actually matter, but the quality of those friends.

15. Having some quiet/alone time isn't a bad thing.

16. Saying "no" is okay to do sometimes.

17. Acting out in anger or holding a grudge accomplishes nothing good.

18. You can make someone's day by a simple act of kindness.

19. Life's changes aren't always bad.

20. A smile is worth a thousand words.

21. Jesus is everything I will ever need.


So yeah..that's that. This was a fuun list to make. =)But it was also really hard! I wanted to think of stuff through the ages and there's a lot of stuff (obviously) that I left out bc I didn't think of it in the moment I was writing.


But anyyyway, I had a really great birthday. God's amazing and there were so many little things that just made my day and had me smiling. I felt so loved and cared for. I'm so grateful for all that God has done in my life, all that He's taught me and continues to teach me, and the many blessings he continues to pour out. I don't deserve one bit of it but I'm so so thankful!!

Start of something new...

I'm finally getting a chance to update this!
I reaaally wanted to write something way sooner than this, but it turns out the internet at our apartment had to be re-setup, so we didn't have any internet until Thursday! Luckily I could use my phone if I really needed something, but there was no way I could blog from my phone. ha

So, ANYway. Here I am. Finally able to feel connected to my blog again. (there's just something I really like about it!)

This past week turned out to be pretty great and a major blessing.

When I first got back on Saturday I was not a happy camper. At all.

I honestly just wanted to turn right around and come back home. (I know, BIG surprise there)

But the thing was, since I felt so upset about it, I was praying hardcore and giving up everything to God every time I felt a wave of homesickness or uncertainty.
By Sunday I felt SO much better. God gave me SUCH a peace about everything that only God can give. It was really so wonderful.

This week I've been trying to have my "quiet time" with God in the mornings before I start my day, and it worked out really well this week. (In the sense that I actually got up earlier to spend time with God, bc of course God will meet with me whenever!)
It's become a time now that I seriously look forward to sooo much, and I can't wait to have that time. It's so nice to continually give up my anxieties and stress and human selfishness to God everyday in exchange for His amazing peace and plan.

The first week of junior block was good and also not so good.

I LOVE my teaching literacy class. Dr. Topping is so fun and she makes class really interesting, so those three hours fly by.

On Tuesday after my other three classes I was feeling a bit overwhelmed.
Okay, I was feeling really overwhelmed. It was just a lot to have three in a row. They handed out the dreaded syllabus and then explained EVERY project, EVERY lesson plan, EVERY unit, basically every little thing we would ever need to know for the whole semester. (Now I know why God only let's us know what we need for TODAY! Our minds are certainly not equipped to handle all that other information for later on.)

So I was also able to really pray about that and give my stress and anxiety about classes back to God. He helped me to remember that I was feeling this EXACT way (like really to the T) last semester and I made it out in one piece. Not even that but I was able to do really well. I know that God will carry me through this semester too, just like the last one. :)

I've been learning that our current circumstances, stress, and all the things on our to-do list, can't even touch God's peace. It doesn't matter what we have going on in our lives, we can always lay it down (even for a short time) when we come to God and feel at peace.

I've also been trying to include God in every part of my day, not just that set aside time. That's still a work in progress though.

It's really strange being the "main" one in the house now who pays for everything and knows how to do stuff. I forgot until I got to school that I needed to set things up again. Like the trash, and the internet, and figure things out with the electric.

I feel like such a grown-up sometimes. So strange.

Besides that, I'm loving living with Kay and Shelbs so far. :)

Thursday was also my birthday! I'm 21...which I can't even begin to fathom. I wanted to write a post for my b-day but I'll do that another time.

:)