Your love never fails

So, it's Sunday evening and two weeks of junior block are already passed. (Only 10 more!)
It sounds like kind of a lot but I have a feeling it will go by really fast just like everything else does.

I feel like I have a lot on my mind right now.

This weekend was alright.

I got to hang out with Shelby on Friday night. (we went on a shopping extravaganza to the mall and the grocery store..haha, woohoo!)
I also got to have lunch with my good friend Alex on Saturday so that was fun.

The rest of the weekend though, was basically spent working on my math center...and let me tell you, devoting hours at a time to a project like that is sort of draining. It's not like it was really hard or anything but just kind of tedious. I also felt weird because since I was home working on it a lot, I felt like I was alone a lot. (which I was...ha) I don't mind being alone sometimes... If I'm relaxing it's no biggie, but I spent hours cutting, pasting, arranging..etc and didn't talk to anyone! I didn't like it at all.

BUT I am pleased (verrrry pleased) to say that my center is officially DONE!!Except for some last minute laminations -bc the copy shop was closed this weekend- that's nothing though and I'm so glad I was able to finish mostly everything else. (and THANKful that God gave me the motivation!)


On a whole other note, this morning was only the SECOND time I've been at UCF since being here at school. It seems so strange because I feel like I've been here for weeks and weeks, even though it's only been two. (?! how can this be?)

Anyway....it was okay. I honestly felt kind of weird about a lot of stuff this morning. It just feels so different now than it used to. A lot of it is probably due to the fact that I'm a senior now...and well, it IS different. And ..I don't like it. (that it's different that is)
For some reason I felt extremely distracted during worship..which was disappointing because I spent awhile before church preparing my heart so that I could focus on God.I also felt like the message was targeted to freshman only, which was kind of frustrating. I was thinking about it and I feel like UCF is mostly targeted toward underclassmen. Which is GREAT, but at the same time I feel like I've outgrown my place there.
Is UCF really that different or am I the one who's different?

A lot of this sounds really terrible. I AM fully aware that church is about worshiping God and giving Him the glory. It's not about the music, and it's not about the sermon.
At the same time though I was frustrated that I couldn't or wasn't worshiping like I wanted to. It's not about the sermon, but I want to go somewhere that I'm being fed. My soul is so thirsty for more of God and I'm just scared that I can't grow anymore there.

I feel so, so horrible for even thinking these things about UCF. That church and the people in it are largely responsible for turning me into the woman of God I am today, and I'm so grateful. I just couldn't help feeling those things this morning. It actually kind of got to me, well obviously, heh, it makes me more upset than I would like to admit.

I felt a TON of peace last week being here, like I said before, but for some reason today I was kind of struggling with the changes. =/ boo, I don't want to struggle with them because I know how dumb it is, but I can't help it darn it. I miss last year =( Like a lot. I miss having JJ around, like crazy, (she probably would have been the one keeping me company while I did my project), I miss UCF in the smc, I miss my other roommates, I miss CAREGROUP from last year like nothing else. Everything feels so different and I really miss the way last year was. I don't know if it's just because I'm not used to it or what it is. But boy...it does not feel good. :(

I still feel "right" with God, and I know nothing can ever separate me from His love, but I guess this just goes to show that you can have a GREAT relationship with God and still have bad days.

hmm..just gotta remember to 'breathe' and I'll be okay.


Next thing, is that I DID spend some quiet time with God this morning. I was looking out my window at one point and saw the F O R E S T that is our backyard since the weeds decided to grow as tall as trees. I look out there everyday and think to myself I NEED to get out there and do something about those asap before they get worse, but I have yet to do anything. It got me thinking about an analogy of course. :) (God likes to put these analogies in my head I think because I would never be able to think of them on my own I tell you.)

So basically we're like a garden. Weeds can grow in a garden (or a yard in this case) and they start out as no big deal. They're little tiny things and you could probably still enjoy yourself outside without thinking about them much. BUT leave them unattended( like maybe all summer perhaps) and the little things GROW. A LOT. The little weed that would have been so easy to pluck out of the ground before, now has thick branches and roots that probably run pretty deep. If I wanted to get rid of the MASSIVE weed at this point I wouldn't be able to even do it by myself without some sort of chopping devise. I would need to work REALLY hard to get rid of it, and all the weeds back there. In order to avoid the hassle and I put it off longer and it just gets worse.

The weeds for us are our sins. They start out as just little tiny, blips. One thought maybe or some words. If we aren't careful to pray about them and set ourselves straight with God's help they only get WORSE unattended. The worse they get, the harder they are to get rid of. Maybe you've gone from a thought to action or a habit. Before you know it you're in so deep that it's all the more difficult to set yourself straight again.

I've experienced this in my life through different things. A lot of the time with me it's things that make me upset that I try not to think about. Rather than bringing those things to God and praying about it, (I usually feel that thinking about those things at all will just make me more upset) I avoid them like the plague. So sometimes there's a build up and things just get worse and worse because they grow and fester in my mind. It doesn't sound as bad as sin per-say ( or maybe it does) but it IS sin, because that is a classic example of me not trusting God or thinking I can do things on my own.

Now, I'd like to think this situation hasn't happened to me in a while because lately, I DO try to bring absolutely everything to God. I guess it usually happens when life gets busy.

But anyWHO, there's that analogy. Weed out your garden before it becomes seemingly impossible to do so! ;)