Now and then

One of my most favorite things about keeping a blog, is the ability to be able to look back and see how I truly felt and what was going on at any given day in the past year or so.

It's always amazing. I don't know about anyone else, but I totally get encouraged by my own words..! ha. Anyone else ever experience that?

I saw someone's fb status about how she's just taken a final... I remember that she has to take them now because she's a junior block student like I was at this time last year... about to go into field placement. I was curious how I might have been feeling at this time last year.. so I took a peek.

I didn't say nearly as much (barely anything actually...) about my finals as I would have thought. BUT at this time last year I was going through some major anxiety about the future. I was so focused on where to live, what to do... it was so scary for me because I didn't know what God had in store.

but ALAS! Here I am today! A year later and still OKAY. I'm alive, I made it through the transition of graduation. I have a place to live... and God IS good.

In another post from November last year I was seriously depressed. I don't know how long you've been reading, but you might remember, I got depressed pretty frequently. I'm so thankful that those feelings are few and far between these days (I think my anxiety meds play a big role in that..)

It was encouraging to go back and read those posts today because, honestly, I didn't have a great day. Some days, I have a TON of down time..( days 5,6,1) and I literally have nothing to do. It gets really frustrating and by the end of the day I was basically running out of there because I couldn't take it any longer.. (I think the fact that it's Friday had something to do with that too)

THEN....wait for it..

On my way out the door that I always leave from, the alarm went off. You've got to be

k i d d i n g

me right? yeah. that happened. I don't have a key to turn it off either.

Anyway...I read this from my blog last year and was encouraged:

I really heard God's voice this morning saying "COME TO ME IN ALL TIMES!!"
He wants me to come when I'm anxious. He wants me to come when I'm fearful. He wants me to come when I'm lonely. He even wants me to come when I'm bitter. Or when I'm angry, or even jealous. God WANTS ME TO COME! At ALL TIMES! Whatever it is I'm doing or feeling, it doesn't matter, He wants it. He wants me. There is nothing He can do if I choose to keep those things in my heart. He can't grow those roots in me if I don't bring these things.

How completely perfect?

What a great reminder that God even wants me to come to him with this.

I left feeling a tad frustrated and way insecure (again that feeling of not being needed..it creates insecurity for me...) and God is like...come to me. I want even this. I know how you're feeling.

But you know, what's awesome about this job, is that I still believe God wants me there. And I take comfort in that often. People at work ask me if I like it...if I wished I would have stayed on the sub list.. but it's not really about that.

I KNOW with my whole heart that this is where I am supposed to be, and so this is where I am. (and where I WANT to be)

It's a neat thing when you're in God's will.

I hope you can take some comfort in these things today.

God had my life on the right road last year when I was struggling to see how the pieces fit, and He has it now, still.

:)

**And now I will enjoy my weekend of fellowship at RR, hiking with ABF, babysitting, and RELAXING! Let the fun commence.