WOW-it's October

Okay, so it's been wayyyyyy long since I posted anything.

 The whole summer has come and gone.

 NC just wasn't for me and I have moved back to PA.

I was at a retreat yesterday morning and I was thinking about it, and I'm just so not sorry that I did it. It wasn't a mistake in my mind. I'm GLAD it happened that way, actually. I grew so much, even in those few short months. I am so much more confident as an educator and as an individual. I'm so much MORE grateful now, than I was before. I'm thankful for the provisions of subbing as I look for something more permanent. I'm also working retail once again, and I'm quite grateful for the relief of constant co-workers at that job. My photography has also reallllyy picked up this fall, which is awesome. (Especially bc I haven't even been advertising.)

I'm just..... so! super! busy!
 Always.

I feel like right now, I work, work, work....allll the time, between those 3 jobs.
 Don't get me wrong, I AM soooooo thankful. But it is exhausting.

 I feel kind of sad today because my hamster, Harper, is sick....pretty sure she's gonna die soon. It sucks. Most people probably think...it's just a hamster but, she's my baby! I don't want her to feel hurt or pain. She's been through all my moving with me and it just makes me feel icky that she isn't right.

 Today I was reading some Max Lacado. I was reassured that We are HIS. He isn't surprised by anything in our lives because he WROTE our stories. He has a different perspective. He isn't concerned at the things we are concerned of.

 That's huge.

Encounter

I've been wanting to write this post since LAST Sunday, and just never got to it.

The church that I've been going to had a worship night (which I guess they have once a month) last Sunday. Basically they sing in worship for about an hour.

It was SO wonderful, and powerful!

I loved every minute.

There is something so special about so many believers in one place together, worshiping God with all their hearts.

I had this image in my head of God and His HUGE cross. I was thinking about how BIG God is. Looking around at all of the people in the sanctuary with me. People filled with their own problems, their own lives.... and then about my problems. How they seem SO big to me because for right now, it consumes e v e r y part of my life. It's school. It's hard. It's tough. Makes me smile. and want to cry. I love my kids. and I can't stand them. and I'm C O N S U M E D with this, on a daily basis.

But here is God and his MIGHTY CROSS. I had the image of little, tiny, me. And my little tiny life.
In the perspective of everything else, it didn't seem so big. I kept thinking about my smallness and presenting my "stuff" to God. Laying it at his cross and just  looking up at His cross in awe.

Are you getting it? Can you picture it? What a powerful image. It's saying "Here it is God" "You take it" "I surrender" "You are SO much bigger and greater than I or my problems will EVER be."

Even though it seems SO HUGE and massive in my life. Like this mountain I can't see around..... I can give it to God and worship Him in awe of who He is.

It is a wonderfully humbling revelation.

Listen to this song. SO good.

Nashville and PJ weather

The weekends are SO so nice. I absolutely love to sleep in (even though these days I can't seem to sleep past 8:30), lay around in my pjs and get things done. I'm so grateful for two days built into the week that we always have off.

This weekend I watched a TON of the show Nashville. I had a one week free trial of hulu-plus so I got caught up. Waste of time? Umm. YES, but entertaining? I think so. I like it a lot. So I can add that to my list of shows.

I was just playing some guitar and it felt sooo good. I haven't played in while and honestly it's such a relief to do something well without much effort. It comes so easily and is so non-stressful. Love it.

I'm thinking about bringing it in to school one of these days to play for my cherubs.
I had my ukulele one day for a lesson and they were basically memorized when I played a few chords...ha. I honestly don't think music like that is something they've had much exposure to.

This weekend has been cold and cloudy... (good pj layin' weather). It's strange (and I'm jealous) because back home in PA it's been like sunny and 70! Weird.

FIVE WEEKS TILL SUMMERRRRRRRRRR. I can't wait. I miss my friends and my family so much.

I'm amazed that I've come this far, but God helps me through every day.

Things have gotten easier bit by bit. I'm constantly learning new ways to manage my classroom. It's still tough, and the kids still come with all of their behavior problems every day...but I can honestly say that I love those kids. I'm not sure how THAT works, but as I've been able to build up more of a relationship with each of them, I definitely feel more ...protective(?) of them.

I should work on my plans, but allllll I want to do is sleep.

Carry Me

Amen to that. 

Dreams....

I had the strangest dream last night and I want to write about it.

I was driving on some highway and I saw a gigantic truck up ahead. (we're not talking your normal truck) it was like triple the size of something you'd normally see on the road. As I got closer and closer I could tell that the air around me was quickly filling up with something like brown dust/stones and all of a sudden....I couldn't see. I couldn't see the road or cars or anything, I tried to keep the car straight hoping to get through this cloud of whatever... and then I crashed.

When everything cleared I could see that there was something like snow all over the road, but really it was more like slushy dirt. I kept trying to drive straight but I couldn't. I couldn't get back on the road even as the other cars around me seemed to be doing fine.

I think it's so neat the way our dreams carry our emotions out in stories that our brains just...create.

This is what I found online..
If you are driving and can’t see the road ahead it’s a sign that you do not know where you are headed in life or don’t know what to expect in the near future.

Um. BINGO. I feel like this everyday. 

I feel so lost sometimes. I have no idea what I want to do with myself or with my life. 

I have to say... the hardest thing to deal with in teaching, that I never considered, is the feeling of judgement I constantly get from other people. (...at least that is what it feels like on my end) 
It's no question first year of teaching is not easy. It's just not. For anyone. 
The most upset I ever get though is when I feel like others are judging my ability to do this...and not in a good way. I'm sure my personality plays a part in that too though, and the insecurities I already feel in myself. 
It creates such a struggle for me because I try SO hard. It feels like I give it my all but that it still isn't good enough. I just want to be great at this profession but the steps to get there.....the stretching....just hurts. A lot. Can I even get there? 

I always, always tell people (mostly in interviews) that my strength is constructive criticism. I appreciate it because otherwise I can't grow and I can't improve myself. Sometimes it just feels like I'm expected to be better, to DO better than I am.... I make mistakes ALL the time, but what first year teacher doesn't? I'm only human. I'm certainly not perfect. I'm really trying though.... even though it doesn't seem to be good enough. It's the worst feeling when you give something your all....and you still fail. And what does that say about what you're trying to do? 

Thoughts for a Saturday morning.... 
Off to clean like crazy! My place is wreck.  

Your will be done

Today when I looked at the weather app on my phone it said 77 degrees. =]
It made me smile, because 77 degrees is flippin awesome and because I like 7's....

but anywho.

I went to a church called Manna for the second time today. I really like it there. The worship is AAAmazing.
It brought me to tears again...
We were singing " Forever Reign" and a man was praying about the hard things we are each dealing with and giving them up to God and such... How He knows each of our hearts, He knows our struggles... praying for His will to be done.
The message was good too. (even though it was on a scren..ha) I think I can live with that.

If you know me at all, you probably know that I have a love for reading and can usually devour books in a matter of days...(thanks mom for passing this on to me! ha)
Right now, I'm reading a book called "The Storyteller" by Jodi Piccoult. She is by FAR my favorite author... I've read more than ten of her books and love every one.

This one is soo good, but also very upsetting. It's about the Holocaust.
Before reading, I had no idea what it was about. It is very touching, shocking, and devastating to be reminded about the acts committed in Poland from 1940-1945.
Some parts have been so hard to read especially knowing that this actually happened. People suffered and died in countless inhumane, evil acts.... ugh.
Tomorrow is April 15th and it has been 68 years since one of the work camps Bergen-Belsen was liberated on April 15th, 1945.

Just crazy.


"You are free, they said over the loudspeakers in English, in German, in Yiddish, in Polish. You are free, be calm. Food is coming. Help is on the way." -the storyteller

"...I know how powerful a story can be. It can change the course of history. It can save a life. But it can also be a sinkhole, a quick sand in which you become stuck. ....Truth is so much harder than fiction." -The Storyteller

Um....are you talking to me?

My students call me a few different names.
Most call me Miss Shaffer. (pronounced Miss shay' fur')
Some call me Miss Shaf-ur
Some just say Miss...
Some just say Teacher....
Some even combine those two and say Miss Teacher....
(Of course I don't respond to the the last three!)

I just think it's kind of interesting.....;)

Miss teacher?? Really? ha.

..and the beat goes on.

First day back after break wasn't so bad. (I think because I was expecting the absolute WORST...ha. It's all about expectations people)
I was really nervous about it. I felt more nervous than I did even on my very first day EVER....(well sort of) I think because then, I didn't know what I was walking into. Ignorance is bliss, right?

My morning class was honestly so tired that they didn't speak hardly at all. It was awesome. HA! Too early for them after sleeping all break I guess. They did really well though and I felt proud of them.

My afternoon group was a mess...... just. a. mess. They talk constantly. You wouldn't even know I was in front of them trying to TEACH, because at times I feel like they act like I'm not there TRYING to TALK. gah. What do I have to do, juggle?! it was rough. But also a really unstructured day and part of it I'm putting on me because I feel like I wasn't transitioning well. At least, not well enough for THIS type of class.

Things that went on:
During read a loud one boy took his shoe completely off, decided to smell it and act like the odor made him pass out. Yeah. Thanks man, you just messed up all your classmates.
One girl's eye swelled completely up at lunch for no apparent reason.
Another one fell off the bars on the playground and got a pretty nice sized lump on her arm.
One boy thought it would be funny to push in a button on the school bus while we were practicing procedures this morning and a sound filled our ears like that of air coming out of a tire. Followed by my students telling me that "so and so" popped the tire with his pencil! (come on, REALLY?! )

As bad behaved as they are, I really feel like I love these kids.
crazy. don't get it.

Even though it was a little rough, I still felt kind of good about today...

Hello there, yellow

I woke up this morning to a world covered (drenched) in pollen.
This is what it looks like.

Why, yes. Those ARE foot prints in pollen. 

Back to school tomorrow.....

NooOOooooooooo!!!

Y'all I made it

I've moved in and I am in North Carolina as we speak...er umm..you read.

I don't have internet set up yet....(I mean why would I ? ) so I'm at the library.
I've been watching whole brain teaching videos for the past hour....and also trying to find info on brain breaks.

The move went relatively smooth. Everything got here without breaking and I love everything about my apartment EXCEPT the fact that it SMELLS LIKE STALE CIGARETTES. ughhhh. yuck yuck and yuck.

It's fine if I leave the windows open for awhile and spray gallons a few squarts of febreeze everywhere. But once it's closed up for a little it gets smelly again. rrrr

So far things I've noticed about the south:
-There is LIQUOR in the GROCERY STORE. sayyyy whaat???
-There is mellow yellow in soda fountains
-People are generally friendly even if they are creepy at the same time
-Subways (restaurants)  DO have drive thrus. saw it with my own eyes people.
-The school buses look different here. They're still yellow....but just different.
-Sweet tea. everywhere
-Melting pot of people (at least in Fayetteville where I am)

I'll update that list when the need arises. ;)

This morning I got some groceries at Harris Teeter. I really liked it but then I found out it's on the more expensive side and considered "upscale". Hmmm oh well. ha It seemed reasonable enough to me.

Also- Don't give ALL of your money to a new bank and believe them when they say it will be available in TWO days. It's a bunch of LIES people. lies.

Tomorrow I'm planning to go in to school and set up my classroom. So that's that.

My parents left this morning. I cried.

When you move to a brand new place it's easy to cry at basically anything..... mmmm hmmm.
More updates later!

Moving

Since my last post.....I have handed in my two weeks notice at my school, retail job, AND preschool.
Those two weeks flew by and I was obviously very busy! (hence no update). Lots of packing, planning, booking....and such.
Also went down to NC with Brittany last weekend to look at the apartment I thought I would like, see the school and my classroom.
First impressions of the school.....it is VERY DIFFERENT than what I'm used to. It has an open courtyard feel. It is not your traditional "one building" school. The office stands alone, and pretty much the classrooms do as well being that you enter them individually from the outside. There are "breezeways" inside of hallways, and basically the teachers never see each other.
That being said, the fourth and fifth grades have a hallway, the ONLY hallway in the place... so I'll get to feel a little bit of normalcy there.
It is a very low income area and these kids are basically living in poverty. We're talking some of them probably don't even own a toothbrush.
My class sounds like they have a ton of behavior problems.....so it should be a fun couple of months being welcomed into the teaching profession. I'm also walking right into conference week, and report cards.

My last day at South was yesterday :( Sad.
Moving day is tomorrow and we are packing up the truck today.
First day at new school is March 18th!

Sorry this is not elegantly worded....just wanted to update to be sure I record my first impressions and such.

News....

So I have some news.......

on Tuesday.....about four days after my interview with the fourth grade teachers I found out that (more than likely)....


I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!! 

You're probably reading a blog of a brand spankin' new FOURTH GRADE TEACHER!!!! AHH!

I'm. so. excited.

Now, I say "more than likely" and "probably"....because we are still in the process of moving things forward. There are a lot of steps to take in this big-girl-job process, but we're getting there. So while it's not officially official, we're basically on the last step and once the principal catches one more of my references she'll give me the go ahead to hand in my two weeks notice.

On that Tuesday she emailed me and told me that the fourth grade teachers thought I would be a good fit with the students and we briefly talked on the phone. She let me know that she would start calling my references and then submit for board approval.

I asked a few days later about time frame, and she informed me that we would not be waiting for board approval....so in other words she just wanted to touch base with my references.
I spoke with her last night and she said she's feeling very good about it...but also that she was only able to talk with one of my references and has been playing phone tag with the other. She wants to have at least one more but also said she doesn't think she'll hear anything that isn't positive.

SO....that's where we're at.

I am so excited that I got a job. Moving to a new place however, gives me a little bit of nerves. It's obviously really scary and I'm not sure how I will cope with that.

I know God led me here though, and so I'm trying my hardest to trust in Him and not get too ahead of myself with worries. (especially about the not-knowing) If I'm upset, I can cope with those feelings when they come, IF they come.

God has given me little glimpses of His hand in this. Things that might be coincidences to the non-believer but ones that I KNOW are from God.

Like.....
*One of the fourth grade teachers is from New York and her Grandma LIVES in a town 10 MINUTES FROM WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW! (....sayyy whattt??) ((and it's no big town, people))

*I have this thing with cardinals and God...it's kind of personal so I won't explain more than that, but the state bird of NC is a Cardinal! (and I've seen some dash in front of my car the past few days)

*My best friend's cousin lives near where I'll be moving.

*I was emailing back and forth with someone of the apartment building I am looking into and came to find out SHE JUST MOVED FROM PENNSYLVANIA TOO! Lives in Bloomsburg....going to school in NC. Can you say....whhaaattt

*There are at least TWO teachers at the school where I'm going that are from PA.

*I've been in a position of computer teacher for the past year and a half. Dealing with technology errrday....and this school (while being a public school) is also a school of TECHNOLOGY! How awesome is that?

There are just so many pieces that are fitting together that click and I know it's God. When things happen so smoothly like this, and doors just keep opening....it's gives an added peace and comfort that God is behind it.
:) He's just so faithful.

More on this later. (obviously) ha

Time for church!

Interview Update

Soooo..... last time I updated this I had already had my 15 minute skype interview.

I felt that it went well. The school principal who interviewed me was very nice and made me feel very relaxed. They were very basic questions that I didn't have any issues with and I felt good about it.

Well, I DID hear back from them the next day that I got a SECOND interview.

It was on... Tuesday the 5th. It was more like a "traditional" interview I suppose. It was a half-hour long (on skype once again) and was with the principal and also the assistant principal.

After it was over I just sat there in my interview spot for a minute (aka: my kitchen table) because it was hard. I didn't feel like it went really well or anything, I didn't know WHAT to think. ha. except that "Man that was hard..."
( they asked me a handful of questions and also scenarios)

I was a tad frustrated because the bulk of the questions they asked me were not questions that I practiced.
Meaning, I really had to THINK about some of them before I answered.
It felt like the longest times ever that I was sitting awkwardly thoughtfully  in silence trying to piece together my answers before I spoke. And even after thinking I still felt like they came out a little garbled because I hadn't practiced saying them out loud.

BUT regardless, I heard back again! (to my delight and surprise...)

I had a THIRD round of interview that same week- Thursday, Feb 7th. This time it was with the 4th grade teachers.
(The positions available are for K and 4th. ) I was feeling so sick about it before my interview.

Thoughts running through my head like:
Should I even practice again..?? (I really didn't much)
Holy POOP, can I reallyy move away if I get this?
and ...God, wait. Are you SURE about this? Because I don't think I am.

It was very laid back. and I felt surprisingly calm and very at peace throughout the interview and also afterwards.
There were three women (the three who I would be teaching with). One talked way more than the others, but they each asked me at least a couple of questions. They were very nice and I felt like I had good answers to each of their questions (Whether I did in reality or not, who knows) The whole thing lasted about 20 minutes and at the end they told me..."Okay, we'll talk to our principal and she'll talk to you...as soon as we talk to her."

That was on Thursday. I was hoping that I would hear back on Friday, if we were following the normal pattern that had begun, but no such luck. So...it's Sunday and I'm still waiting to hear.

I would love to hear just ANYthing. Whether I got it or not. So hopefully they will be kind enough to let me know either way.

I'm praying that whichever way it goes, that it will be God's leading and that I will be okay with it.

I'll possibly post more details about the job later. Or news if I hear any.

If nothing else at least I can say I'm a skpe interview expert now. Or veteran, if you will.
;)

Skype interviews

My skype interview on Thursday went pretty well.

Let me just say though, skype interviews are so unnatural and awkward..!
I was looking up "Skype interview etiquette" online before I had mine on Thurs and getting a whole lot more nervous just about the fact of it being on skype.
You are supposed to look INto the camera, so as to make it seem like you're making eye contact.(try it, it's really unnatural). Also I learned that you should in fact wear what you'd normally wear to an interview (top AND bottom), just in case you're computer should fall or something else...wouldn't want to be caught in sweatpants. That would be sad, not to mention embarrassing. 
Also learned that lighting is really important as is the background.

All that to say, I got really nervous and it turned out way better than I thought it might. The woman was super nice and we didn't have any technical difficulties like I was worried about. It was a 15 minute timed interview and I had two minutes to answer each question (which for me was more than enough time). It was just her interviewing.

The next day I heard back that I DO have a second interview.
This will be with more people and more like a traditional interview (so I was told).
It will be early in the week perhaps Tuesday.
I'm excited!
But I also don't want to get my hopes up. Really trying heard not to get my hopes up, because I know how these things can go...

In other news, I got  a violin. I'm renting to own and trying to teach myself. We'll see if that actually works out for me or not. ha.
It's fun! But hard. But I didn't exactly expect it to be easy.

We will see........

Have I lost it?

Hi friendly, friend, friends.

For the past couple of weeks I have developed a new "addiction" or "hobby" if you will of applying to jobs all over the USA. Am I crazy? Have I lost it?

I think so.......maybe a little.

The strange part about it is that it's something I don't think I would normally ever do. (seeing as I am basically a homebody and tend towards the anxious side of things.) But the fact that I'm pursuing, and feeling good about it, and feeling like I SHOULD do it...leads me to believe it is God tugging my heart to another place.

Don't get me wrong....thinking about actually picking up and moving away scares the living you-know-whats out of me. and then I think to myself....eh. God you know...I'm good here. I told you I'd go wherever you lead but....I'm good here. Really. See? 
Because when it really comes down to it, I want to be in control. I want to know what will happen. I want to be comfortable.

BUT. I need to trust.

I've prayed for God to open doors and close them.
I've gotten a couple of call backs (out of literally THIRTY OR MORE applications people). I have a Skype interview tomorrow with a school in North Carolina.
Whether it's just more practice or something else, I'm feeling confident that God led me to it for some reason.

I'm prepping for the interview and I just told Harper hamster that maybe she'll be a new classroom pet.
She doesn't like the idea much. Maybe We'll stick to PA....

New stuffs

hellooooooo gorgeous.

It's the weekend woooooweeee!

This past week was my first week working all my three jobs...(and technically it hasn't ended yet because I have to work this weekend). *New story of my life.

I started working at a private preschool, that (for the purposes of social media) I'll just refer to as Carter's Kids. No, that's not it's real name. But. just.

go

with

it.

K?

So I'm at Carter's Kids, for only two hours a day from 4-6 after school, and let me just say, it is the perfect amount of time. After two hours I'm totally ready to go and have had my fill of 1-2-3 yr olds, thannkyouverymuch.

I ALMOST took a full time position there and I am SO GLAD. so glad. I didn't. (I think I'd lose my mind there all day. )
But OH these little 1/2 year olds kill me.

I don't know if it's a new face coming in to their room at the end of the day or what, but they flock around me, bring me books to read, show me toys, give me hugs, touch my shoes, stare at my face.... it's all quite amusing. and welcoming. (can you imagine if adults acted this way)

and when I say flock. I mean flock, people.
Imagine a little heard standing around one person in a large toddler like group. and that is my 4-6pm everyday.

errrday.

I have recently gotten a new hamster friend.

I thought this hamster friend was a  boy so I have been affectionately referring to ...erm it...as Sheldon, but it turns out that Sheldon is in fact a girl hamster. So her new name is Harper. :)

I've been trying to tame her (get her used to human touch). The way I do this is by bringing her upstairs and sticking her in the (dry) bathtub with me. :) (We are all fully clothed, don't worry)
She likes to walk up my arm, sit on my shoulder and chew on my shirt.

....which can't mean good things for my Carter's kids uniform. Can you say holes?

In other news....I've eaten a whole lot of fast food this 2013 and made myself one healthy meal. (but in all fairness I have eaten that healthy meal all week longgg.) notcomplaining.

Still looking for my adventure.

Day 1 of 365

I consumed A LOT of saltines today.

And ginger ale.
lots of ginger ale.
Mmm ginger ale.

My body thought it would be fun to ring in the new year with a stomach virus.
Happy New Year to Me!

I guess in trying to be positive I DID relax a TON today. (I am in fact going a little stir crazy)
I played a lot of sims.
Watched a lot of greys anatomy.
Layed on my couch in my pjs.

...and consumed lots and lots of saltines and ginger ale.


As soon as I get back to full health...

I want to do something great this year.

I don't know what it is yet.

But it will happen.