God's tug

So God continues to amaze me. Today was not the best day I've ever had. I woke up this morning with a really anxious feeling in my belly, and it stuck around pretty much all day. There is nothing in my life right now that should be causing me to feel upset, but today I just didn't feel okay.
It is a very rare thing that I have a free night during the week to relax or do something other than school work and tonight just happened to be one of those nights. For some reason instead of accepting it as a blessing for some reason I felt panicked about it, like I better find something to do. (This doesn't really make any sense because after this semester a laid back night is a HUGE blessing) I started making myself busy and I was going to organize some of my school papers into a binder...and then I really felt God telling me to STOP..and come to Him. I felt Him speaking saying "What are you doing?" He was telling me that I don't have to keep myself so busy and distracted. He was really calling me to come spend time with Him. I realized that I've become accustomed to being busy, and I actually like it that way because it allows me to not think about what's bothering me and really going on in my heart. I think that's why I felt panicked when I wasn't busy tonight, I'm just not used to it.
I also realized after I stopped and had some time with God tonight that Satan has really been feeding me lies today..I think that's part of why I felt so bad.I'm not sure why...but I had the overwhelming feeling today that no one really cares about me..(?) It sounds so dumb when I write it...but for some reason that become so real to me today. How sick is it that Satan could make me believe such a lie? He takes real situations in my life that are true and twists them to make them seem really ugly and bad for me. I shouldn't feel so alone, because I know that there are so many people in my life that do care about me..but Satan really knows how to take my biggest fear and make it seem like it's real. I hate how he knows just how to do it..and before I know it he has this grip on me.
I'm so glad God called me to Himself in such a way that I knew it was Him. I feel like this is one of those times in life when God is really breaking me down again. Yes, Satan for sure messed me all up today, but I think to that God is presenting me with circumstances where I NEED Him for comfort and peace. I'm worried and scared about all the change that will happen again soon, but God always reminds me that he will never change.
"For I am the Lord, I do not change; that is why you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed." Mal. 3:6

I've been reminded the past couple says what it means to be satisfied by God and God alone. In caregroup we went over John 6 where Jesus talks about how He is the bread of life and I found those verses again tonight. It's awesome because it's something I could already here God speaking, that I need to be filled with Him and not other things.

27Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval." John 6:27

I shouldn't be seeking after things in life that are so temporary and that will "spoil"..but God who will last. This is such a simple message that I've KNOWN, I just haven't been taking it to heart lately and I didn't realize it until God started to break me again.

35Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35 :)

John 14 always gives me such comfort and it really made me smile tonight. Especially:

26But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.

27Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.] John 14:26-27

I also was amazed by these verses tonight:
17For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!],

18Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting. 2 Corin. 4:17-18

What a comfort to remember that my struggles here on earth aren't for nothing..they are preparing me for everlasting glory that is beyond ALL measure, and surpassing ALL comparisons I could think of! wow. If that's not enough to make someone feel joyful I don't know what is..:]

I was also then looking at these couple verses:
2Here indeed, in this [present abode, body], we sigh and groan inwardly, because we yearn to be clothed over [we yearn to put on our celestial body like a garment, to be fitted out] with our heavenly dwelling,

3So that by putting it on we may not be found naked (without a body).

4For while we are still in this tent, we groan under the burden and sigh deeply (weighed down, depressed, oppressed)--not that we want to put off the body (the clothing of the spirit), but rather that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal (our dying body) may be swallowed up by life [[a]after the resurrection]. 2 Corin. 5:2-4
They really describe perfectly how I feel sometimes. Sometimes I just get so tired of this life here and I just want to give up.. but those feelings only show the longing that I have for my real home in heaven, so that is reassuring.

:) 31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Blessed be the God who allows me to become broken but brings me new strength in my weaknesses!

God is bigger than my fears

So..I decided to start another blog. My intent for this blog is to be able to record how I see God working in my life, what He is teaching me and how He changes me as I continue on in this journey with Him. My other one had a slightly different focus..it was more about me, but part of the reason I want to start this up again is to turn the focus off of myself and towards God, the perfecter of all things. :]

So tonight I was spending some much needed time with God. Lately I have been extremely distracted by life and very concerned with the daily things that surround me. As a result I've been extremely anxious, and fearful, and looking ahead to plan days that haven't started yet. I've really been feeling God's tug on my heart to come back to Him to let Him fill me up. God really reminded me tonight that He is greater than I could ever begin to fathom.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [a] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand. Psalm 139:15-18

God reminded me that He made me and knows what's going to happen in my life long before I get to those points. He KNOWS me. This is such a comfort to remember that God understands who I am and what I struggle with because He made me this way. I am no surprise to Him. The sum of His thoughts towards me are GREATER than the grains of sand. Wow. That blows me away to think about all the little, tiny, specs that grains of sand are..you could never count them..but God thinks about me more than THAT. What a comfort to know God cares so deeply.

14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children- Psalm 103:15-17

I love this passage. So often I become so focused on my life here on earth that my joy takes a back seat. I look for other things in life to make me happy and occupy my time, but the way I've been feeling lately is a HUGE newsflash that this life isn't about me and there is so much MORE going on. I get so rapped up in the little things and I forget about God and His goodness and everything that He is doing. Especially now that it's spring, this flower analogy really clicked for me tonight. I was thinking about the flowers like it says in the verse. They come so quickly, and they're beautiful..but then they are gone just as fast..and that is my life. It really puts things in perspective. It makes that project I was worrying about and stressing over seem like absolutely nothing in comparison to God. Yes, I'll work on my projects, they'll get done..finals will come and go...but this is a tiny, tiny, insignificant part of the big picture that is my short life. I want to make the MOST I can out of my life here, not waste it worrying about tomorrow. I don't want to miss what God has for me because I'm too fearful or stuck in my own little corner. (If you weren't at R&R listen to the April podcast..so good!)
Another thing they talked about at R&R was the vision of God knocking at our door. We can open the door and invite Him to come in...but He doesn't want to come in..He wants US to come OUT. I want to go with God! I don't want to be so stuck in my fear that I miss the abundant life God wants me to live.
God also reminded me yet again that even though my life is ever changing He will remain the same. (Psalm 102:27) I have nothing to be afraid of because God knows me, cares about me, loves me, has my whole life planned out, and is ALWAYS with me, inviting me in. What a privilege to be able to come to God and know that He is always with me.

Blessed be the God who is vast enough to hold the oceans in His hands yet still understand my fears and silence them.