My parents have been away on vacation this week and I have to say, I'm excited they are coming back tomorrow! I don't like being here by myself...it freaks me out and the house is too quiet. It helps that I'm basically only home for 3 hours in the evening (waking hours anyway)..so it hasn't been too bad at all..but I am glad anyway. =)
I'm pretty excited about camp Swatara next week but I'm also still a little scared. (It's just completely new for me and the whole not knowing thing was getting my nerves going in the beginning of the week.) It doesn't really help that multiple people have asked me "..why??" am I going...and they just react like it makes no sense, which I guess it doesn't to them.
YES people...I am taking a week "off" and going to another camp...where I will not be getting paid for the week..am I crazy?
Maybe... I am.
but I'm really excited about it because I'm doing it for God. He's led me to this point. (at least I think He has) You see, people's reactions have started to make me second guess myself and whether or not it's what God really wants.
When I examine my motives though it makes sense..to me at least. I feel like campers have the opportunity to become way more vulnerable at an overnight camp, away from parents, distractions, and their own lives for the week, to be immersed in a Christian environment. Don't get me wrong, CSF is great and all, but there is something really awesome about developing deeper relationships and having those "deeper discussions" while you're with the campers 24/7. That's what I hope comes out of this week. I want to share my faith with these campers and help them in theirs! I'm so excited. It's not about me at all, and it's definitely NOT about the money.
If anyone reads this and prays I would appreciate prayers that God will prepare my heart for the week and that He'll work through me.
As I've been sitting down trying to "plan" things for devotions like the manual (yes...I'm a nerd) says to, I mostly get the feeling that I shouldn't prepare too much. I don't know the girls yet, I don't know what will happen during the day yet, or what exactly the lessons will be like...and planning and thinking about it too much is what makes me nervous in the first place...hah. I have faith that God will give me words to say and that He will lead us. Especially because He's led me to this place..I know He will follow through (like He ALWAYS does). He won't just leave me hanging, no way.
Tonight I'm SO thankful that God is such a personal God. It brings me so much comfort to know that He REALLY knows me, because He is the one who made me. =)
13For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother's womb.
15My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery].
16Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!(E)
18If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand.
Psalm 139:13, 15-18
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
God is GREATER still
So it's been awhile again. This summer is F L Y I N G by. It's just plain craziness to me.
I'm DONE my summer two class and it feels oh so good. All I have left now is junior block and student teaching, no more gen eds! Woohoo!! I definitely didn't have such a fun time with that summer 2 class called political communication (bleh)..and it sure took some getting used to balancing school work with full camp days, but after the first couple weeks I can honestly say that I got used to it and it wasn't SO terrible. NOW it's weird that I don't have to come home and post my thoughts on the discussion board or take a quiz...I sort of forget how to just relax..hah. (sort of..I know that won't take long to get back into though ha)
The best part about it is that God totally helped me through it and to relax and not stress about the work too much. And I WAS fine. I ended up getting an A..and I'm truly amazed. It's amazing how God takes care of things we entrust to him.
I feel like I've been learning (or re-learning) a lot these past two weeks. I've come to a few realizations.
1) That for the past like month I've just been SO up and down with my faith or the feelings I had towards God. I would have moments where I felt things were good but those moments really were few and far between. I felt so lost. For every time I felt okay I would usually go through days at a time of feeling so confused and doubtful and stuck in that feeling of not knowing who I was or who God was. It was weird, I'm telling ya.. BUT I've been realizing that that's what was happening.
2) I need to spend more time with God in His word and praying to feel more connected so I won't be so easily shaken again. (Not because I should do those things but because I WANT and need that to strengthen my relationship with God)
3) Everyone goes through some sort of season of doubt in their life. This was spoken in a sermon I heard last Sunday and it was really perfect timing. It made me feel comforted because of the fact that at one time or another EVERYONE feels confused, or doubts/questions their faith and it's just a season. Those times are opportunities to reaffirm what you know to be true and cling to God all the more.
4) God always loves me and offers me His grace regardless of how I am feeling. I listened to a sermon this morning on my ride back home from Millersville. It was from a grace series by new life church, the sermon was called "Grace really is amazing" (from week 4). Through this sermon I was reminded that
- "I am a human BEING, not a human DOING".
-Regardless of how I am feeling, I AM in righteousness (right standing with God) because I have Jesus and believe that He died to make me free from my sins.
The sermon talked about how Christians "feel good" in God when they are doing what they feel are the right things.The sermon said specifically that "Most of them feel the way they feel based on how good they are at keeping their list of stuff." But when people feel like they are doing bad, God must be mad. In the sermon he kept saying "Do good, God's glad, do bad God's mad". He connected it with the fact that we as believers a lot of times feel that we are not blessable, and we don't have a chance of being blessed by God if we're doing bad, but if we do good then we'll be blessed. But he says in the sermon it is definitely NOT biblical under the new covenant.. God died to make us free and He wants us to live in that. I was a m a z e d because I'm pretty sure I wrote about a time when I was feeling that exact way. I felt like I wasn't "right" with God because I wasn't DOING things the right way. I felt like I couldn't come to Him until I DID something to get right with God. But I realized today that
THAT IS SO WRONG!!
God loved me even then. He cared about my state of being not what I was DOING. He wasn't mad. I wasn't any less saved or cared for. The sermon said exactly what I had been feeling that some days "Christians are hot, then they're cold, they feel good then they feel bad..and they're all over the place because they don't grasp the concept of GRACE."
We all have that state of mind sometimes but it's not the truth and it doesn't reflect who God is. We have been given the gift of right standing with God. It is a definite state of being and not a deed to be done.
5) The more I seek God in total surrender the more I can hear His voice, and the more I am able to let go of things and trust Him.
So those are some of the things that I've been thinking through and learning/re-learning. It amazing what peace and joy can come from surrendering everyday to God. :)
I'm DONE my summer two class and it feels oh so good. All I have left now is junior block and student teaching, no more gen eds! Woohoo!! I definitely didn't have such a fun time with that summer 2 class called political communication (bleh)..and it sure took some getting used to balancing school work with full camp days, but after the first couple weeks I can honestly say that I got used to it and it wasn't SO terrible. NOW it's weird that I don't have to come home and post my thoughts on the discussion board or take a quiz...I sort of forget how to just relax..hah. (sort of..I know that won't take long to get back into though ha)
The best part about it is that God totally helped me through it and to relax and not stress about the work too much. And I WAS fine. I ended up getting an A..and I'm truly amazed. It's amazing how God takes care of things we entrust to him.
I feel like I've been learning (or re-learning) a lot these past two weeks. I've come to a few realizations.
1) That for the past like month I've just been SO up and down with my faith or the feelings I had towards God. I would have moments where I felt things were good but those moments really were few and far between. I felt so lost. For every time I felt okay I would usually go through days at a time of feeling so confused and doubtful and stuck in that feeling of not knowing who I was or who God was. It was weird, I'm telling ya.. BUT I've been realizing that that's what was happening.
2) I need to spend more time with God in His word and praying to feel more connected so I won't be so easily shaken again. (Not because I should do those things but because I WANT and need that to strengthen my relationship with God)
3) Everyone goes through some sort of season of doubt in their life. This was spoken in a sermon I heard last Sunday and it was really perfect timing. It made me feel comforted because of the fact that at one time or another EVERYONE feels confused, or doubts/questions their faith and it's just a season. Those times are opportunities to reaffirm what you know to be true and cling to God all the more.
4) God always loves me and offers me His grace regardless of how I am feeling. I listened to a sermon this morning on my ride back home from Millersville. It was from a grace series by new life church, the sermon was called "Grace really is amazing" (from week 4). Through this sermon I was reminded that
- "I am a human BEING, not a human DOING".
-Regardless of how I am feeling, I AM in righteousness (right standing with God) because I have Jesus and believe that He died to make me free from my sins.
The sermon talked about how Christians "feel good" in God when they are doing what they feel are the right things.The sermon said specifically that "Most of them feel the way they feel based on how good they are at keeping their list of stuff." But when people feel like they are doing bad, God must be mad. In the sermon he kept saying "Do good, God's glad, do bad God's mad". He connected it with the fact that we as believers a lot of times feel that we are not blessable, and we don't have a chance of being blessed by God if we're doing bad, but if we do good then we'll be blessed. But he says in the sermon it is definitely NOT biblical under the new covenant.. God died to make us free and He wants us to live in that. I was a m a z e d because I'm pretty sure I wrote about a time when I was feeling that exact way. I felt like I wasn't "right" with God because I wasn't DOING things the right way. I felt like I couldn't come to Him until I DID something to get right with God. But I realized today that
THAT IS SO WRONG!!
God loved me even then. He cared about my state of being not what I was DOING. He wasn't mad. I wasn't any less saved or cared for. The sermon said exactly what I had been feeling that some days "Christians are hot, then they're cold, they feel good then they feel bad..and they're all over the place because they don't grasp the concept of GRACE."
We all have that state of mind sometimes but it's not the truth and it doesn't reflect who God is. We have been given the gift of right standing with God. It is a definite state of being and not a deed to be done.
5) The more I seek God in total surrender the more I can hear His voice, and the more I am able to let go of things and trust Him.
So those are some of the things that I've been thinking through and learning/re-learning. It amazing what peace and joy can come from surrendering everyday to God. :)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Random pieces of gladness
Today is the first day of July! That's craziness..!
For the past half hour I've had a little time to relax in God's presence and it's been so wonderful I wanted to write about it:) Especially bc it's been awhile.
Right now..I feel so great. This is one of those moments when I feel LOVED by God, and cared for and I KNOW I'm taken care of.
The beginning of this week I felt really terrible still.. I don't know why, couldn't put my finger on it but I was just pretty depressed..=/ I'm not one hundred percent better but I feel OKAY because I know God's with me. Right now. In this moment. I KNOW it. It's moments like this that I don't ever want to end. I want to just freeze it, and never leave this feeling. I'm afraid to do anything else because I don't want to lose it. I don't want to forget it again and go back to that feeling of being "lost".
I was playing the top 25 songs played on my ipod playlist and I realized they are all really great worship songs about God's character. So I've been sitting with my Bible for a while just worshiping who God is and soaking it up.
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.
I love the verses from the song "In Christ Alone"
God is my comforter and my All in All.
What a relief it is to rest in that statement.
I have a passage of Psalm 16 from the message hanging on my wall and I haven't actually read it in forever but I did tonight. I love the beginning:
"Keep me safe, O God, I've run for dear life to you. I say to God, "Be my Lord!" Without you, nothing makes sense."
Without God in my life, NOTHING makes sense.. nothing.
I was also reading through psalms 61-66ish...they're all SO good. =)
I wish I could stay in this "place" forever...
In devotions this week, one if the staff talked about a sermon she heard about the "ways we should know God". There is a long list and I'm going to try to go deeper in each one this summer. (I feel like I'll get a lot more out of it that way) This is the list:
1. Comforter in Sorrow
2. My Hope
3. Wonderful Counselor
4. Strength of my Salvation
5. Faithful and True
6. Our Father
7. A Sure Foundation
8. My Friend
9. Almighty God
10. God who avenges me
11. God who saves me
12. Our Guide
13. Our Help
14. Our Life
15. Mediator
16. Our Peace
17. My Help
How amazing that God can be so much...and He's even MORE than this! He's more than we'll EVER know! That's big.
"Blessed be God, Who has not rejected my prayer nor removed His mercy and loving-kindness from being [as it always is] with me." Psalm 66:20
For the past half hour I've had a little time to relax in God's presence and it's been so wonderful I wanted to write about it:) Especially bc it's been awhile.
Right now..I feel so great. This is one of those moments when I feel LOVED by God, and cared for and I KNOW I'm taken care of.
The beginning of this week I felt really terrible still.. I don't know why, couldn't put my finger on it but I was just pretty depressed..=/ I'm not one hundred percent better but I feel OKAY because I know God's with me. Right now. In this moment. I KNOW it. It's moments like this that I don't ever want to end. I want to just freeze it, and never leave this feeling. I'm afraid to do anything else because I don't want to lose it. I don't want to forget it again and go back to that feeling of being "lost".
I was playing the top 25 songs played on my ipod playlist and I realized they are all really great worship songs about God's character. So I've been sitting with my Bible for a while just worshiping who God is and soaking it up.
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.
I love the verses from the song "In Christ Alone"
God is my comforter and my All in All.
What a relief it is to rest in that statement.
I have a passage of Psalm 16 from the message hanging on my wall and I haven't actually read it in forever but I did tonight. I love the beginning:
"Keep me safe, O God, I've run for dear life to you. I say to God, "Be my Lord!" Without you, nothing makes sense."
Without God in my life, NOTHING makes sense.. nothing.
I was also reading through psalms 61-66ish...they're all SO good. =)
I wish I could stay in this "place" forever...
In devotions this week, one if the staff talked about a sermon she heard about the "ways we should know God". There is a long list and I'm going to try to go deeper in each one this summer. (I feel like I'll get a lot more out of it that way) This is the list:
1. Comforter in Sorrow
2. My Hope
3. Wonderful Counselor
4. Strength of my Salvation
5. Faithful and True
6. Our Father
7. A Sure Foundation
8. My Friend
9. Almighty God
10. God who avenges me
11. God who saves me
12. Our Guide
13. Our Help
14. Our Life
15. Mediator
16. Our Peace
17. My Help
How amazing that God can be so much...and He's even MORE than this! He's more than we'll EVER know! That's big.
"Blessed be God, Who has not rejected my prayer nor removed His mercy and loving-kindness from being [as it always is] with me." Psalm 66:20
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