In good hands

I came home for the weekend and it's been so nice to relax and be lazy:) I don't have TOO much work so it's been so nice to just enjoy being home.

God's peace is completely amazing. There is nothing like it.

Last night I was dealing with some intense anxiety about the future again. (..story of my lifeee right now) This time was different though. Usually when I worry about the future it relates in some way to my biggest fear of being alone. For the first time though, my worries were completely about money.

I've thought about the whole money thing before, but only in a passing thought,last night though it became SO much more real. I was talking to my parents about it and how I want to ideally live out by my school after graduation. Then we were talking about the possibility of where I could get a job and such. We also were talking about subbing. (In my mind I will most likely end up subbing) Then there is the whole question of will I be able to support myself on a simple sub salary? We're talking maybe $100 a day, which isn't too bad a month IF I even would get a job everyday. I really want to stay out by school but if I choose to I'll more than likely be supporting myself.
(Yes..right now I am lucky enough to have my parents supporting me in almost every area financially, and believe me, I do NOT take that for granted!) But next year that will probably change. It would be good if I had a REAL job, so that there wouldn't be a question of whether I could live out there, but alas I don't know what will happen. (obviously..)

So..all this had my head spinning in a MAJOR way last night. I was trying to figure out things that I just CAN'T know until the time comes. (ex. will I find a job? How much will I make? WHERE will I look for a job? etc..) It's scary not knowing, but God will lead me all the way and allow me to know what I need to know when the time comes.

God is also MORE than capable of blessing me with a permanent teaching position, even in these hard times. I don't want to get my hopes up because I know how tough it is but it can and DOES happen. I don't in any way want to put God in a box and plan for the worst. (WHY do I do that??)

Anyway- I have much more of a peace about it right now. I've been praying these concerns and anxieties into God's hands and I know He will guide me in His perfect timing. No matter where I end up, or how things are going, God will be with me.
I heard this quote this week and I think it's perfect (I'm not sure who said it)

"I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds it"

It's such a comfort to remember that God is the one in charge.

Tonight I was also thinking about babies and how we're God's children.

I was thinking about little Benjamin Bowman who entered the world on this past Thursday November 4th, (CONGRATS KYLEE!!!!) and how much God loves him and planned him. Benjamin is just a little baby, he just recently took his first breaths but already God knows his whole life. He knows what paths Benjamin will take and everything that will happen in his life. As I was thinking about this God really helped me to see that I was that baby too. I was fresh and new at one point in my life and I had everything before me that hadn't happened yet. I'm still on my journey and even though I'm obviously older and able to think, it doesn't mean God is in any less control of my life. He still knows the paths I have yet to take. He knew everything that would happen in my 21 years of life and knows what is to come. He KNOWS where I will be next year and He will be WITH me. No matter what is happening in my life, whether I feel it is good or bad, God will be there to turn to and lean on.

Amen! What a comfort. I'm so thankful.