End of 2011...

Hellllooooo FRIENDS!
:)

It's almost 2012! After I post this, I will have done 110 blog entries this year!
Although that doesn't seem like very many when you consider the fact that there are 365 days in a year.
Hmm...

Today I was a second shooter at my first wedding photography gig! It was great! I really like being a photographer at a wedding and would so do it again.

I am exhausted though. I woke up at like 4-430ish to drive out to Lancaster at 5am.
It was worth it, and I would do it again in a second!
(If you're wondering to yourself why I got up and left so early it's because, yes, I'm still home, and yes that was MY decision. and yes, I'm still very much a homebody ;) )

Last year, I posted some happenings from 2011 and wanted to do that again!

SO...in 2011

I...

-Student taught in 1st AND 6th grade
-Graduated from college!!
-won 2 CDs on the radio
-Got A JOB
-Had 3 interviews
-realized even more, that God doesn't need me to DO things for Him. (and I don't/can't earn His approval. It's just there.)
-Got my Nikon D3100
-Had about 6 photo sessions
-Second shot a wedding
-Started medication
-Saw Mat Kearney in concert
-Got my very first OWN apartment!
-Started two babysitting jobs
-met a handful of people from two different churches
-joined a gym
-had my first "car" breaking down" experience

Quite the year! Lots of change and transitioning and there will only be more to come.

I think I definitely learned a ton this past year. About myself. About teaching. About what it feels like when God is the one carrying me through my day.

I don't worry as much. I have a lot more control over my anxiety and nerves.

God's shown me through all of that that His strength is verrry apparent in my weakness.

I'm excited for 2012 but at the same time, don't want to look far past next week!! ;)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Provisions and Christmas

Welp...another Christmas has come and gone. It went too fast!
I was in Maryland the past couple days with my family and loving life. I don't know why, maybe being older, but I appreciated everything about it so much more than I usually do this year.

-Opening presents with the rents as our cat explored through the mountains (okay maybe not mountains) of paper.

-Going to MD Christmas eve and having our traditional oyster stew and crab soup dinner.

-Watching a Christmas Story with everyone.

-Christmas day with grandparents.

-Yummy big breakfast!

-Stockings and presents with cousins, aunts, uncles and everyone.

-Dutch blitz playing.

-Christmas dinner.

It was just SO great!! And I'm so thankful.

Unfortunately I don't have any pictures to share.

Before I move on, let me just tell you...it is a STRANGE thing to hear your grandparents explaining facebook... hahah just...weird. annnd moving on...


I got the apartment!!!!!! WOOHOOO!!! I waited more than a week for that news and was getting very impatient.
It was by far the nicest one and the one I can most afford. It's on the main street in a little town, walking distance from the library, the post office, subway, and chinese food ;)

I'll most likely post pictures when I can. I haven't moved in yet, and still don't know my move in date because there is a girl living there now who needs to get out.

This is my first time, really ever, to have to pay for most of my expenses and I'm really learning so much and seeing awesome ways of God providing!

God's provisions are the best EVER.

I looked at 3 apartments and it's just amazing that the nicest one was the cheapest!
Right after I found out that I would need to be looking for apartments (and thinking about my income) I got contacted by someone for a babysitting job. Whoa God, SO AWESOME how your timing is perfect.
This month as far as my job job goes, I'm not making much because of the week off..and no sadly I don't get paid for that. So I'm missing a weeks worth of pay...BUT I'm also second shooting at a wedding on New Years eve and making almost (not quite) what I would make for that week!! Whoa God. Provisions. Blowing my mind.

The other thing is...I have close to no furniture for my new apartment. ha. I'm so excited to add my personal touch, but I've been thinking about all the stuff I need.
Well it just so happens that some family of my family is moving permanently to their second house and they are getting rid of things.
So, I'll be getting pots and pans, a toaster oven and maybe even plates and silverware!! How awesome?!

Provisions!!

It also puts me wayy more at ease because I feel like this is really the road I'm in fact supposed to be going down. I wasn't sure if I should really move out of where I'm at just yet, but now I know it's right. BECAUSE of the fact that everything seems to be falling into place. (and of course I have been praying all along about where I would be)

ALSO- the lanlord is a woman who is 1) a christian 2) knows one of my friends' family 3) Is probably distant cousins with the women I live with now.

Whaaat?!

There are just so many comforting signs that God has placed in my path that have me feeling so grateful.

My dad is even saying "don't worry about it, if you need help (money wise) we'll help you"

Whoaa folks...my mom would say that in a heart beat, but my dad is another story, so even that was a HUGE comfort.

So yes.

Provisions.

God. your. awesome.

Sorry for the jumble of thoughts! But I've been so excited about it all!!

:)

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!

Following the Light

It's been a while since I have blogged! (and I have to say I don't really like how blogger has appeared to have changed..? what's the deal?)

Life has just been so busy.

I took some pictures for two friends last Saturday, and I realized something.

I LOVE light.

In my pictures... I am seriously DRAWN to it.

One of the couples I took pictures for wanted to have pictures taken in the city. We did a couple on a college campus first, and I was in love with the lighting there. When we went to the city, there wasn't as much cool light because of all the buildings (and the time of day I guess)...
we went in this one place though, where the light was streaming through the windows and I just was like..."Over there! Let's go!" haha. They said "man, she is drawn to the light.."

and that's what made me think about it.



Isn't that cool? It's naturally in me, (and probably you too) to want the "light" because light is so much better than dark.

6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

Umm. LOVE.

I also realized this morning that it gives my blog title a new meaning!!

Following the Light

How cool is that?!


In other news...

-I have been blessed with another babysitting job. It is perfect timing and I wasn't even looking! Someone contacted me about it. It'll be every other Saturday from about 11am-7pm.

-I won two CDs on the radio last weekend!! Kim Goss and a CD sampler. (and I haven't even opened them yet...can you say busy?)

-I'm apartment shopping and hoping to rent one I applied for last Tuesday. Still waiting on that news...

-Taking some engagement photos today at Messiah College.

-Job is going great!! :)

Be blessed today friends!

That dreaded word...

Change.

It's that word I loathe.

I try my best to steer clear of it.

Avoid it.

I fear it.

Most days I pretend that I can handle that word all on my own.

It makes me feel all, scrambled up inside.

It feels like I just got settled and I can already feel the winds of change coming my way again.

It feels like everything I put some comfort and reliance on is going to crumble soon like an old stone building.

I'm thinking about moving again which is kind of exciting, but it's stressful. Especially because I have like no money.

I'm not certain about it yet, but the idea is there, therefore my brain feels the need to worry and obsess over it.

I'm scared because I don't think I've ever lived by myself, and let's just say the apartments that are the cheapest leave out some of the "safety" element. Not that they're not safe, they just don't feel as safe.

Let me just tell you, it's not easy to find an affordable apartment, near my job, that also allows for pets and feels homey and safe. ha

not like I've been looking all day or something.......noooo. not me...

I've also found myself worrying about the job thing again. Ugh! I'm so blessed and thankful for my job now, and I really do love it there. I don't necessarily love the job itself all the time, but I love everything about the school... It's just that sometimes I get caught up in wondering about what I'll do next year.

It's another one of those things though, I can't know...until it comes...so I have to wait and trust.

That's hard.

bleh. I've been so frustrated with people lately.

I keep finding myself thinking..."whyyy did you just say that?!"

Like...? people frustrate me and I don't understand them sometimes.

It reminds me that I need to make sure I myself am thinking before I speak because I don't want to hurt another persons' feelings like they hurt me, with their words.

..but life goes on I guess.

Big day for Elliot

Today is a special day for the household I live in. Why?

One of their daughters/sister had her baby boy today!! How precious and special this day is for them.

Before they went over to the hospital to meet their new grandson, they finished up with some gifts they were bringing him. She had a book for him, and she wrote his name in it. (supper cute..) On the back she wrote... "We Love You Elliot!"

Something really struck me about that the moment I saw it.

They hadn't even been to the hospital yet. They hadn't seen him, held him, breathed in his baby smell, or met him before. Ever.

but they already love him.

(you might thinking of course they do!)

But I was just really thinking about it. They love him simply because he is theirs. He's their grandson. He's her nephew. It didn't even matter that they hadn't even met him. He was loved simply because he belonged to them. (and he is fiercely loved.)

How much more does God love us because we are His!! He loved us before we existed. It doesn't matter what we do. It doesn't matter what we look like. He. LOVES. us. Simply because

We. are. HIS.

We belong to Him and we are His children.

Love, love, love this truth.

Try to make that sink in for you and rest in it!

WOO Jesus!

Do you ever realize that you're holding your breath?

I've been realizing myself doing it a lot lately...and then I have to remember to breathe. literally and figuratively..

This week went super fast. Today didn't really feel like Friday at all... BUT I'm so glad it is! I love the weekend.

Do you know what else I seriously LOVE?!?!

.....CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!! :D

I. love. Christmas.

and all that goes with it.

I loveee the music.

The lights.

The decorations.

The busy malls.

Wrapping paper.

Candy canes.

Warm feeling of togetherness.

Presents.

Family.

Stockings.

Traditions.

Food.

And best of ALL, although I have to admit guiltily that I tend to push this to the back burner... JESUS' BIRTHDAY!! :D

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!! WOO!

Speaking of Jesus and His B-day, I heard this song on the radio this morning for the first time and really loved it. Take a listen, I'm positive you'll be glad you did.

Peace, love an hugs to you today. :)

Blessings!

Thanksgiving and Black Friday, Fridayyy!

I hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving. I sure did.

Our turkey was delishhhish. :)

Black Friday was so fun! It was also very tiring, but I think it was worth it.

We went to Target at about 11:20ish...and waited in line for them to open at 12am.

There were many people in line!

We also got free luna bars in line..:) It tasted like thin mints.

Rach with her luna bar

Waiting in the Target line!

We ended up staying out until like 6:30am!

We went to...

-Target

-Walmart

-Old Navy

-Macy's

-...took a mini nap in the car..haha

-Sears

-H&M

We even got these coupons for being some of the very first people there!! SWEET! We were so stoked.

I'm going to hesitantly admit that I went back to the mall today. Bath and Body works was having some pretty ridiculous sales! I saved like $50..!

Disclaimer: I'm not usually this in to shopping...something came over me this year

Happy Thanksgiving!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! :D

I am SO pumped for Black Friday this year. I don't think I've ever experienced going at midnight....or 4am...for that matter, but I hope to this year! I'm so stoked.

Hopefully I won't be as crazy as that lady.

but I seriously think that's a great idea..!

Gobble gobble gobble

I'm hooomee. :)

Currently sitting on my bed and listening to the new Justin Bieber Christmas cd. It's rather good.

I don't know about you, but I am SO excited that it's time for Thanksgiving!!! It's one of my favorite Holidays. I love the chance to come home, and to have off for a few days from school.

This morning Amanda and I went and got massages at a place in Millersville because we had coupons. It was glorious. It felt amazing, but it also kind of hurt... I have a bunch of knots and I guess I'm really sore in some spots... but..it was great, none the less. :)

This is a picture of me as a turkey...:) haha. At school yesterday I was helping out, sort of,...in a 3rd grade classroom, and they were making these turkeys in disguise, so I made one too...I made it look like myself. HA. I'm aware that it is pretty ridiculous, but the kids said it was REALLY good. Gotta love 3rd grade ;)

I've been a little more occupied at school... I helped some teachers grade some papers on Monday, and then Tues morning I walked around a little bit. People didn't really need help though since it was such a low-key morning. (I had a couple kinder classes in the PM)

Thanks for saying prayers about the job, I feel better when I keep God at the forefront. (duh...probably because that's the way God intended it..;)

some randoms..

-I'm addicted to words with friends again...(thank you Amanda.)

-Every time I see someone who's hair is even remotely long, I find myself judging whether or not it is long enough to donate. haa And if it is, I think to myself, they could donate that... yeah. weird.

-I'm trying to turn myself into a runner. I want to stay fit...and I think I could stand to lose a few pounds..

-I have SUCH a longing for my own classroom...!! ahhh I cant. wait.

-The whole concept of a library just makes me feel so happy inside. Does that make me a nerd?..ha. I love to read! Yeah...I'm a nerd.

I'm so thankful for my God who has saved me and calls me His own.

Thankful for my friends and family.

A place to call home. (more than one place I can call home, at that)

A job. with benefits.

Warmth.

soo...much to be thankful for. I'm still writing out my 1000 thankfuls in a journal. I think I'm up to about 70 something... but I know it goes way beyond that even!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Perspective

You need God's perspective.

That's something valuable I have taken away from this weekend.

Remember how I said I didn't have the best day on Friday?

Sometimes, I just can't help feeling negative about my job. Satan has been getting in my brain real easily, and telling me that I have no purpose there, that there's no point... I felt way insecure...and I have to go and do basically nothing again tomorrow. I'm frustrated.

(you should know this though) what I didn't say before is that it is something that the principal is working on... so eventually, my time should be filled with other things... but for now this is where I'm at.

At R and R on Saturday Jenny talked about how we can be on one of two buses. You are either on the bus of your situation, OR the bus of the spirit.

I learned that I need to be living IN God, not IN my situation. Instead of feeling sorry for myself sometimes, while working, I need to remember that Jesus is with me and that HE is greater. He has a purpose.

When we are living in our situations, essentially we are the ones driving the bus... (it's a tour bus...did I say that? ha) so we here our OWN commentary and voice. However, when GOD is leading the bus, you hear HIS voice, and His commentary, not the other way around. I wrote down that " your vision is skewed when you're sitting in your situation". So true.

When we are living IN the circumstance it's hard to see anything else... my view of things are skewed when I'm focused mainly on them and not on God.

She also said how it is so easy for us to see our selves and our situation, but we don't automatically see our Savior. Don't let the situation have the say, let GOD have the say on your situation.

It was very refreshing :) I also had a good cry while there...but we won't talk about that ;)

You may remember how I have been looking for a church since I've moved here.. Well I think I have found the one that I'll stick with. :) I wasn't so sure a few weeks ago.. but I tried to put myself out there a little more, and I truly love it! It's a big church... but the adult fellowship group (you'll here me refer to this as ABF) is what makes it so special. The people are wonderful and I'm definitely still getting to know them (duh) but now that doesn't seem so impossible as I once thought. I feel like I fit there, and it's a great feeling.

Excited to relax today. :)

Now and then

One of my most favorite things about keeping a blog, is the ability to be able to look back and see how I truly felt and what was going on at any given day in the past year or so.

It's always amazing. I don't know about anyone else, but I totally get encouraged by my own words..! ha. Anyone else ever experience that?

I saw someone's fb status about how she's just taken a final... I remember that she has to take them now because she's a junior block student like I was at this time last year... about to go into field placement. I was curious how I might have been feeling at this time last year.. so I took a peek.

I didn't say nearly as much (barely anything actually...) about my finals as I would have thought. BUT at this time last year I was going through some major anxiety about the future. I was so focused on where to live, what to do... it was so scary for me because I didn't know what God had in store.

but ALAS! Here I am today! A year later and still OKAY. I'm alive, I made it through the transition of graduation. I have a place to live... and God IS good.

In another post from November last year I was seriously depressed. I don't know how long you've been reading, but you might remember, I got depressed pretty frequently. I'm so thankful that those feelings are few and far between these days (I think my anxiety meds play a big role in that..)

It was encouraging to go back and read those posts today because, honestly, I didn't have a great day. Some days, I have a TON of down time..( days 5,6,1) and I literally have nothing to do. It gets really frustrating and by the end of the day I was basically running out of there because I couldn't take it any longer.. (I think the fact that it's Friday had something to do with that too)

THEN....wait for it..

On my way out the door that I always leave from, the alarm went off. You've got to be

k i d d i n g

me right? yeah. that happened. I don't have a key to turn it off either.

Anyway...I read this from my blog last year and was encouraged:

I really heard God's voice this morning saying "COME TO ME IN ALL TIMES!!"
He wants me to come when I'm anxious. He wants me to come when I'm fearful. He wants me to come when I'm lonely. He even wants me to come when I'm bitter. Or when I'm angry, or even jealous. God WANTS ME TO COME! At ALL TIMES! Whatever it is I'm doing or feeling, it doesn't matter, He wants it. He wants me. There is nothing He can do if I choose to keep those things in my heart. He can't grow those roots in me if I don't bring these things.

How completely perfect?

What a great reminder that God even wants me to come to him with this.

I left feeling a tad frustrated and way insecure (again that feeling of not being needed..it creates insecurity for me...) and God is like...come to me. I want even this. I know how you're feeling.

But you know, what's awesome about this job, is that I still believe God wants me there. And I take comfort in that often. People at work ask me if I like it...if I wished I would have stayed on the sub list.. but it's not really about that.

I KNOW with my whole heart that this is where I am supposed to be, and so this is where I am. (and where I WANT to be)

It's a neat thing when you're in God's will.

I hope you can take some comfort in these things today.

God had my life on the right road last year when I was struggling to see how the pieces fit, and He has it now, still.

:)

**And now I will enjoy my weekend of fellowship at RR, hiking with ABF, babysitting, and RELAXING! Let the fun commence.

Relax?! what's that?

umm...WHY is it so hard for me to just sit and relax. Seriously...

I was on my feet all day today... then went to the gym after school, and when contemplating what to do with my evening.... I decided to bake..

bad choice.

It always takes much longer than expected...and I am so wiped out now from standing and making those little things. (pumpkin pie cups..hah)

My back hurts..:( And now I'm grumpy..ha

I really don't get why I can't just lay around sometimes and do nothing.

(ahh but THEN there are times when aallll I want to do is lay around....)

It's a mystery people.

Face lift.

SO......

My blog got a face lift! And...I just l o v e i t. I'd always kind of wanted something cute and unique but I have no clue how to do all that design stuff... believe me, I've tried and failed. So, I had someone else do it for meee. :) I'm happy with the end product, I must say.

I just love blogs, and blogging...and feeling connected to other people by reading their blogs. I seriously wish I had more time to do it because I could spend hours looking for new blog reads... I just don't have that kind of time.

This past weekend I went home. Like HOME, home. I loved my life. It was so relaxing and just what I needed. I didn't want to leave.

The church situation at home is a little weird. I was going to a church that my mom had started attending also...but now she goes somewhere else...and well, I didn't go anywhere.

Instead, I spent time at home checking my own heart, prayerfully.

I really heard God telling me to just "let go". "Let go of this grip, you have on everything"..He said.

I was praying about a bunch of things, and I heard that clearly, that I have a grip on these things and I just need to let them go. I have such control (or like to pretend I do)...but God is like...stop. Let go. Put all of it at the cross. I WILL guide you. I WILL lead you. I WILL provide. I WILL comfort. I KNOW your heart, your life, what makes you tick. Just let. go.

It was refreshing.

I need to be spending more time in God's word.

Not because I NEED to, to be accepted. I'm past the point of believing that lie...but I truly want to. My soul is thirsty for God and His words... I just let these distractions have free reign.

I'm working on it...for sure.

Hope you're off to a swell start.

Iphone dump

This is my first ever iphone dump! I usually never have a consecutive amount of pictures taken in a short amount of time....if that makes sense. But now I DO! And I have been dying to share them with you!

Last Friday I cooked a pumpkin for the very first time. It was an experience. Definitely fun, but took up more time than I was expecting.

Here is a picture of all the seeds that I got from the pumpkin! I cooked them up and used a recipe for the spices. They were yummy but next time I'll try a different recipe.

The pumpkin baking. It smelled soooo good.

Made lots of pumpkin things. :) This is pumpkin oatmeal. Mmm. Also made cookies, and pasta..

Tissue paper poofs that I spent last weekend making for my classroom. They are now hanging from the ceiling and look pretty darn cool. If I do say so myself...

The big bulletin board that I re-did. The keyboard and blue paper were there, and I re-did the stuff around it. Before this, it was a sea theme.

Close up of the big owl. :) I made this guy from butcher paper. (And you better believe he will make it to my real classroom someday!)

Close up of the tree. I printed little owls and stuck them in the tree. I thought about leaves, but I kind of like it the way it is.

So that's that! I wanted to put a picture of the football hat I crocheted for Ben for his 1 year bday but blogger is being weird now so oh well.

At least you got to see all the rest of the goodness..;)

I wish I had more time these days.... I feel like I do so much. It gets frustrating being busy every evening! I know it's my choice but still... This is my first free evening this week.

Today at school the PTO made us a soup and casserole lunch. It was delicious and the perfect day for it. It's been rainy here today.

I'm going home this weekend and I'm pretty stoked.

I don't know quite how long it has been...but I want to say it was September the last time I was home... and whenever the last time was I think I stayed for like...a day. So...I'm glad to go home and relax.

More updates at a later time. :)

Listening

I wanted to update this forever ago, I've been so busy... and then Saturday THIS past Saturday, I WAS going to get to sit down and actually blog, but then we lost power! gahh.

We lost power for about 30 hours. We had a very strange October snow storm here in PA. No fun... it was no fun at all.

So lot's has happened since my last post.

I had my interview with LD school district and it went really well! I got the job. I am now a computer aide at an elementary school!

It's just amazing really, how it all worked out and I'm comforted by the fact that I know this is where God wants me. (although I don't know why)

I had applied for it because my friend who works in the district mentioned it to me. Otherwise I wouldn't have thought twice about applying for an aide position.

I didn't here anything for about a week or so, and had started to think nothing would come out of it. Then, one Monday I was subbing in the district (for only like the second time) and the lady who does the sub calls just happened to work at THIS specific elementary school. She came into the room when the students had technology and asked me if I am "good with this stuff" because SH needed a sub to fill in until they found a new computer aide. So I of course, was like Yes! I applied for that! So...that's how I got to be subbing there for about a week-ish.

They called one day and asked me to interview, and the rest is history.

I was very unsure about it all. I prayed about it a lot. Where I once had feelings of uneasiness and frustration, I started to feel peace and excitement about the position. My mind became much more open to it, and that's how I just knew it was God's little push because I had been praying.

I have days where I really like it. (today I just feel all out of sorts for some reason...probably unrelated to the job)

Today I didn't have any classes in the lab so I spent the day decorating and stuff. I feel like I didn't get THAT much accomplished for how much time I put in, which is frustrating.

I'll post pictures once I finish the big bulletin board. I'm hoping it will look as awesome as I'm picturing in my head. I have a bunch of ideas but it takes a lot of time to make stuff from scratch!

Remember how I applied to about a million places at the mall?? Well I finally heard back from one! I was starting to think I wouldn't hear back from anyone since it had been a couple of weeks...but Christmas Tree Hill called, and I had an interview there Tuesday night. It went really well. I think I might get it.. I'm nervous about all the driving b/t school and the mall though, which I didn't really put too much thought into until recently. We'll see.

On another note, I just feel kind of crappy right now. I don't know why... I feel so tired and lethargic, and just a little depressed? weird.. I guess I could be pmsing... sorry TMI hah

Sometimes I think I really have a need/want to be needed... and when I don't feel needed it makes me feel a little sad. I don't know why...I'm just trying to figure myself out. Do you ever do that?

I'm pretty sure I'm chopping my hair this weekend. It's really long. Longer than I've had it since I was like 15. I'm donating it and I'm really excited to get it cut. Long hair is hard to take care of!

Well now that I have successfully rambled... I'll stop. ;)

Hope you've had a grand week friends.

Grace, you are accepted

Happy Sunday!

Last night I had, once again, a dream that I've had a lot lately! I had a dream that my teeth fell out...

It's the weirdest thing, and it seemed so real when I was dreaming, ha, I was relieved to wake up and still have all my teeth!

It was mostly just my moller teeth, but they just keep getting loose and falling out.

I looked it up today to see what the meanings said (I find them interesting sometimes)

One site said this...

Teeth are symbolic of the ability to make decisions, and problems with teeth can be related to indecisiveness.

Dreams of losing teeth could mean that you feel you have lost the ability to make decisions, and you may feel that some situation is out of your control, or you are headed in a direction you don't want to go in.

So weird! I can relate to feeling that way right now, for sure. (but...a lot of the other meanings that sites listed I couldn't relate to. Example) you may be experiencing menopause.. uummm I don't think soo.hahah)

Anyway... I wanted to share this quote from Grace Walk today:

"Some Christians believe that God's acceptance depends on how faithfully they serve Him. But God's love and acceptance are totally unconditional. A person's behavior has absolutely no influence on God's love. He loves you because in His grace, He has chosen to do so. You can't do anything to gain God's acceptance, because Jesus has already done everything to cause the Father to accept you. You are fully accepted by God because you are in Christ. You can't improve on total acceptance, and God already accepts you totally."

Trust in the Lord with all your understanding...

Do you ever have those moments when you hear something that is exactly what you needed to hear?

Those are the best. Usually....

I've been racking my brain about a job "dilemma" that I'm sure I am making out to be much, much bigger of a "decision" than it actually is.

Let me give you more detail.

Do you remember how I said in my last post how I had been subbing for a computer person the rest of this week? Well, yes. I did it. Andd.... I feel way less excited about the actual job than I thought I would. =/ I just really didn't care for it too much..

I was really bored, and felt like I didn't really have any purpose in being there. I basically "watched" the children while they were on the computers... and that was it. And I also had a crazy amount of prep time when there weren't even any students in the lab. So...needless to say I got a lot of "fun" reading done..haha..but that's not really something you want to happen when you're supposed to be working.

So I prayed for God to open or close doors and show me what I should do about this position. (because I applied for it) Well, yesterday I got called to interview for it.

I said that I was still interested in interviewing and then I was SUPER confused.

My brain feels SO conflicted. It's something I had been feeling that I didn't want to do...and now I have an interview and so I'm thinking, maybe it's where God wants me to be right now?

I've been trying to get advice from so many people I know, and with each person I talk to, I still keep going back and forth in my head about it.

It would be GREAT to get in the district and connect with a whole school, faculty and all.... but at the same time, will I be able to get a teaching job after being an aide? (that's the ultimate goal here)

For the time being, I've decided that there is no harm in interviewing and that maybe afterwards, I will have a better idea of what I am supposed to do.

What I meant about hearing something at exactly the right time, was R&R this morning, and also the video post on the she seeks website.

R&R was all about following where God leads, and making sure that you are in agreement with His way, not that He is in agreement with your way. Sometimes God tells us to do things that we don't really want to do, or calls us to things that we're not sure about (I'm not saying God is for sure calling me to this, bc I don't know that). It was about how "His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts".

It really just made me realize that I need to stop trying to control things and let God do what He will do...whatever that looks like.

She seeks was about trusting and following the plan that God has. Sometimes we get NO's from God about things...

We need to seek out God for different decisions in out lives and listen so that we can follow His plan and path. He will make clear what He wants us to do, or what we shouldn't do.

So, I'm hoping to spend a lot of time in prayer about this until my interview on Tuesday morning. I would appreciate prayers from others as well! :)

Life. I was a worm now I'm a butterfly

Happy Wednesday y'all. :)

This post will be super random updates of my life... and other random thoughts.

1) I've been getting SO many neat hair ideas from pinterest. I wore my hair like this today, and I was so proud I could pull off putting it like this! :) (I just had to share. )

2) This past weekend on Saturday I got to take some "couple" pictures for my friends. :) Here a couple of my faves...

To see more, visit my FB page! (to the right, to the right)

2) Yesterday I wasn't subbing. I went to the mall and applied to five different stores..hah. Yes, I'm trying to get a second job. We'll see how that goes.. I applied to: Gymboree, Christmas Tree Hill, The Shoe Dept, American Eagle, and Claire's. There are some that I would much rather work at than others... Hopefully I'll hear back from someone.

3) I'm subbing in the same school for the rest of the week. :) I was there today, and I'm subbing as the computer person until they hire someone new to fill the position. It's quite funny and plain ca-RAZY how it's working out bc I applied for the position...haa. Maybe it will go somewhere? maybe not..? Idk. I'm not even sure which way I want it to work out, so I'm giving it to God.

4) I've been reading this book called "Grace Walk" that I got for my Birthday. It's AWESOME! Totally recommend it. I've been taking a while to read it, because I'm reading it along with the novel I'm currently on at any given time...but man, it's good.

The other day it compared us, humans, to a worm. We were all worms. I was a worm. You were a worm. But just like worms, we are now butterflies. You don't look at a real life butterfly and say "hey, what a cool converted worm!"....you don't. Because it WAS a worm, but now it's a butterfly. It will never be a worm again.

That's how God sees us when he looks at us. We were worms before we were called righteous in His sight. When he looks at us now though, He sees our NEW SELVES, He doesn't see what we were. He sees what we now ARE. We are a new creation and THAT is how God views us.

soooo good.

(now of course I tried to put that in my own words, so really people, read the book)

Happy end-of-week-ness!

Blessings for Sunday

I just love and appreciate people so much. That's not directed at anyone specifically, I just really love people.

This was a pretty "crowded" weekend. Saturday they had a joint baby shower at the house here, so I met a ton of people I didn't know, and ate a ton of really yummy homemade food.

Saturday night I got to hang out with a camp friend and we had so much fun. It was great to see her. We walked around MU's pond, went to the mall, and watched a hilarious movie on tv called "New in Town". I had never seen it, but I loved it.

I also got to finally do another "photo shoot". Nothing too big, just a random one, but I'm excited to look at the pictures and edit them. They are of my friend and her bf.

Today was busy, but I'm so grateful for a few reasons.

1) I'm really enjoying going to church at CBC. - I love the ABF (adult fellowship group) I'm a part of in the morning, even though I barely know anyone yet, I love it and hope to form some good relationships there eventually. Today we talked about the importance of words and how they can come at just the right time, or not the right time.

In church the message was on Grace. More on that later.

2) I got to see amazing girls who I am blessed to call friends. -We went to Panera for Jamie's b-day and then went to the park and took pictures. It was such a gorgeous fall day today!

3) Life group tonight was pretty spectacular. I love the group of girls God has pulled together, in all our differences. We all get a long so well, and it's so awesome to talk about God in a group setting again, and to bond with others in different ways. Sooo neat.

Yayyy God. :)

Personal Prayer of Identity

I saw this on the Wonderfully Made blog and I like it so much that I am posting my own prayer.

I am not (my relationships)
I am not (my training/degree)
I am not (my job)
I am not (my gifts)
I am not (my failures)

Here's my personal Prayer of Identity:

I am not a friend, daughter, grand-daughter, cousin.

I am not an Elementary Education expert.

I am not a substitute teacher.

I am not caring, patient, genuine, or crafty.

I am not jealous, worrisome, selfish, or angry.

I am none of these.

I am a naked soul clothed in the righteousness of Christ.

Slow week

It's only Tuesday....and I do realize that. But this week subbing seems so slooooowww.

Monday was columbus day also, so I guess that could have something to do with it.

I mean, doesn't anyone get sick anymore? goshh..

;)

I kid, I kid.

In Christ...

I am complete and secure in Christ and He is ALL I need.

I'm trying to embrace this truth this morning.

What an amazing truth it is!

God provides SO many blesses, but none that truly satisfy the need, or longing in my heart for joy like He does.

I read on another blog this morning that we look to be joy-filled from lots of different things.

Right now, for me, it's job security. I just feel like if I had my dream job as a k-6 teacher right now, everything would be perfect. My joy would be complete.

Um...HELLO Kari?!

So. false.

Whether I had that type of job or not, I would find that even that wouldn't bring full, and complete joy or perfection in life. I would still always be looking to the next and the next thing to satisfy.

God may pour in the blessings but I want to strive to remember that NONE of these things are necessary or things I deserve. I'm not entitled to them and God still remains to be the one thing/person that I truly need.

Amen?

:)

Salt and Light

Why can't I keep up with my blog? goshh.

I wanted to write in here since Monday but it never happens. I'm busy, but I feel like I'm not THAT busy.

This Monday Courtney and I went to a Bible study with college kids from the church we've been going to.

It was awesome! The way it works is that different people lead each week I guess, on a topic they have picked. It was pretty in depth and I really got a lot out of it.

We were mainly focusing on the first couple of verses in Isaiah 40.

¹ Comfort, comfort my people,
says your God.
² Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD’s hand
double for all her sins.

The boy who was teaching gave us a lot of hebrew words that gave more insight to the verses.

When it says speak tenderly it also means, personally...which I loved. God speaks personally to His people. We also talked about how it says MY people, and YOUR God.

God is OUR God. We are HIS. So cool.

"Her service"...meaning enlistment (challenge, battle) has been completed.

Basically the people in the passage were looking to Babylon and worrying about that... they wanted comfort and reassurance for THAT specific thing. God gave them comfort (listed twice which is always more meaningful) NOT for that, but because their sins HAD BEEN PAID FOR!

Often we want answers or we want to be comforted in certain areas, but God doesn't often comfort the way we think He will. We're looking at *this* over here, while God is saying, Yes, but look, your SINS are forgiven!! They are paid for! Find comfort in that.

We talked about the next verse a little bit too..."make straight in the desert a highway for our God". We discussed just HOW we can do that.

New light was brought to this verse for me :

¹³ “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Someone in the group mentioned the difference between salt and light.

For salt to have any effect, it needs to be touching whatever you are using it with. For example, if you're eating corn, and you have salt next to you, it does nothing. The salt needs to be ON the corn. The salt needs to touch whatever it is to have any effect.

Whereas light, shines and can be seen from a distance.

We need to be both in this world! We need to get "up close and personal" with people to be Jesus, but we also need to generally shine our light, and live our days glorifying Him.

I love that.

In other news, I subbed 3 times this week :) And would have subbed all week if it weren't for my own little issues. I was in the same k-4 class two days in a row, which was good, and then I was in 5th grade. I love 5th graders.

I now have a cold :( no fun. Today I went to a district admin building to pick up an application for something in a school...not a teacher though. (I may say more about this later) That's the main reason I didn't take a job today.

I'm excited for the weekend!

Hope yall have a great one too!

Security

I really like checking out the She Seeks website. It's designed to minister to 20-something women, so it often speaks to things I can relate to. They update the "truths" section weekly, and then by the end of the week they usually post some type of video response.

Today's post there totally met me where I'm at.

I just want to feel secure in something, and I don't.

I know, you're probably so sick of hearing it...but that's my big struggle right now.

I really liked this part from today's post:

We can take a step back, take in a deep breath and remind ourselves that in Christ, we are secure. There is no other thing or person besides Jesus who can bring the security, safety and stability that our hearts truly long for in this often chaotic world in which we live.

Whatever your surroundings are looking like this moment, know this:in Christ, you are secure.

Be secure in Christ today!

It's the little things

It's Tuesday and I'm actually getting to my blog!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. (well...sort of hah)

Whenever I stop and think about the way things are right now, I just still feel kind of uneasy.

I miss the way things used to be.

When they were comfortable.

When I was in college.

When certain friends made more of an effort. (it seriously bums me out when I care more than others...or they are "busy" if you want to put it that way.)

When I got to KNOW what was coming next. Like within the next month even.

mehhh.

I'm not spending nearly enough time in God's word as I should be and I feel like that is part of the problem. :(

I really miss the caregroup days, when we would meet weekly to read and talk about scripture with each other. We prayed for each other every week and updated about our praises and problems. I miss that so much it makes me sad inside. I don't have that right now... and I think that's part of the problem. My accountability is definitely less these days. =/

I was reminded from someone else's blog title about something I said in another post before I even moved here. It was about how I need to spend time WITH God and in His word to know where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. It was a good reminder for tonight.

I have been very blessed this week to have had sub jobs Mon, and today, as well as tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a half day, which excites me for a few reasons.

1. I will get to sleep in.

2. I can get to Derry Township and drop off more of my sub papers

3. I can call Bear Creek about their LTS position

:)

Do you want to hear the funniest part of my day today in 2nd grade? Well....I'm telling you.

There was a little girl raising her hand and she was looking at a book. I came over to her and said "yup?" She pointed to a picture and said "..what are those frogs doing??" I looked at the picture and there was one frog was on top of another frog. ..... hahah. I said..."well, they're mating." She said...."ohhhh!"

;) But I'm not sure she actually understood what that meant. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud, I'm telling you! Hope that made you smile though. hahaha it certainly made me smile inside.

It's the little things.

New Church

Hi blog world.

It's been a whole week since I last blogged..whoops!

Not sure why that happened, because I didn't get sub jobs allll week. (with the exception of Friday when I subbed in 3rd grade!)

I'm feeling a lot better than I was feeling last Sunday. That was tough...

Later on I was thinking and praying and I think it was sort of God's way of telling me that I can't MAKE things work that just don't, even if it's what I would want to happen.

Me feeling so badly about it was kind of a sign I think, or a door closing, so that I would have to try something else there. I really have nothing against that church but there really isn't a place for me to grow and be involved.

God was like..."Can't you see Kari? Try something else..."

He has something better for me than that.

This morning I went to a church called CBC and I really enjoyed it.

On their website they have a lot of Adult Fellowship Groups listed and it said they had one for ages 22-29. I had emailed earlier this week to see what room it was in, and I went there before the service. (it was like a Sunday school class). At first I wasn't so sure because, except for one other woman, I was the only single person in the room. haha. BUT I still really liked it and enjoyed myself. The people seem really awesome. Some are older than me (well, most) some are pregnant, one couple even has a couple of kids....but I felt SO welcome there. After we were done, a lady talked to me and they were saying there are other singles, but they just weren't there... I said is it okay that I'm here? And they were like "ohh yeahh!" , I'm not uncomfortable with it so if I can go there I want to. They seem like a group of people that I would love to be friends with.

She told me they do a lot of things together and that she would include me in the emails if I gave her my info.

The church itself is a really big church. They have two services, and there are a lot of people....but I really liked it. I think I'll go there again next week.

During the message this morning, the pastor was talking about how WE, as the church body, need to be Jesus to people wherever we are. It was a really neat reminder. He had a bunch of stories that he read to us as examples.

WE need to share the truth that we know with others. With everyone we encounter, we need to be Jesus. (our co-workers, friends, family, neighbors, anyone we encounter)

He gave a couple of reference verses, my favorite was John 1:14

¹⁴And the Word (Christ) became flesh (human, incarnate) and tabernacled (fixed His tent of flesh, lived awhile) among us; and we [actually] saw His glory (His honor, His majesty), such glory as an only begotten son receives from his father, full of grace (favor, loving-kindness) and truth.^(E)

He discussed us being "incarnational" rather than "invitational"...Meaning it's good to invite people into OUR Christian environment, but at the same time we should BE Jesus to the people around us. Just like when Jesus CAME to earth in the flesh.

In other news, I named another one of the kittens. ha. Yeah. I did that. Her name is Sydney (Bristow). So there is now Beatrice and Sydney B. :)

hahah

I've also been doing a lot of crocheting lately. I've learned how to read patterns and it's so fun!

Here is a hat I made that I am pretty proud of. :)

I will be making many more things in the future. :) I really want to try to make some booties! There are so many fun ideas on Pinterest.

Hope you had a relaxing, enjoyable weekend!

Look out, this is not suger-coated.

I feel pretty darn crappy right now. Like, the crappy I used to feel allll the time, but I haven't felt in a while.

I just got back from a new church I'm trying out. This was my third time there.

This is the second time I have left just plain feeling like poo. It really stinks because I LOVE the worship, I LOVE the message, and the whole "feel" of it...but to put it plain and simple, I just don't feel welcome there. Good friends of mine go to this church, so I figured I would give it a try...but it's so upsetting because I feel like there is no place for me.

Today a few people asked if I was my friend' sister, to which I replied no... and then one lady looks at me in the way someone might look at you if they think they've seen you before, or you look familiar to them...and she goes " You look young...I mean, you don't even look like you're old enough to be in college..!" Well geeze lady, thanks a lot. Like, what do I say to that? I'm sorry?

Sorry I don't look the way you think I should...? sorry.

ugh. Honestly I left church and rode home in tears.

It wasn't just that comment but a lot of things about it.

I'm 22 world.

Hey nice to meet you.

I look 16, yup. Sorry, can't help it...

Hey I'm 22, and nope...I'm not married. It happens...

can't you just accept me?

I just feel like I have no place and it's not a fun feeling. In that church...but also just in life right now.

I feel like I'm not normal or something... That comment broke the straw I guess..but now I feel like my brain is flooding with lies that I don't belong anywhere. Because I look young. Because I'm not married. Because I don't have a job. I'm not good enough. That comment keeps playing on repeat in my head " you don't even look old enough..."

She sounded so rude, like she was mocking me. "You don't even look old enough!" (I know. She wasn't...but my brain puts a nasty spin on these things)

.....ohhhhh life.

I just called a great mentor, friend Kylee...and now I feel a little better. whew...

Have you ever felt like this?

8th grade

IT'S SATURDAY!!! :D

I'm glad...just sayin.

Last time I wrote was Tuesday...and I think it was that night that I saw a sub job online for a three day assignment! I took it right away. So the past three days..I was an 8th grade social studies teacher. :) It was pretty great. I actually enjoyed it. If you haven't been around a classroom full of 8th graders...you're missin' out.

No but really, they are very entertaining. The lesson plans I was given were very light and laid back. Meaning, I didn't actually teach much at all. Wednesday they were combined with another class and another SS teacher talked with them about 9/11. Then, the next two days the students were working on projects. So...Thursday and Friday consisted of a lot of walking around and helping them on the Mac computers or answering questions about the project. There can be so many problems with technology! A lot of the time someones paper wouldn't print...or the computer wouldn't load, OR their username and password wouldn't work...they forgot or didn't know their password... you get the idea.

I think I dreamed about computer difficulties in my sleep. ;)

It was a good way to kick of my school year of subbing though.

The students said they liked me as a sub (and/or teacher) I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing...maybe I was too easy on them? Idk..they weren't bad at all though.

OH and yesterday I proctored my first test! They had to take 4-sights in the morning...

It felt weird being on the other side of that for once..!

So yes...I was so glad to sleep in this morning. I've been so tired. Not to mention...SORE from using the gym this week. I guess I haven't done sit-ups in some time bc those ten I did on Wednesday are still hurting me..haha.

Have a lovely weekend!

Weekend reflection and some life updates :)

Hey there...

It's Tuesday...and I am home once again. ;) Oh the life of an aspiring substitute. It helps that I know a lot of people are in my shoes.

I had a really great weekend! For some reason it seems a lot farther away than it is..ha.

Friday Kasey and I hung out, and then Friday night some friends got together for my birthday at Olive Garden. :) It was soo fun. We went to Border's after because they were having an intense going out of business sale... I got two good read a loud chapter books for pretty cheap, so that was exciting.

Saturday morning I went to R and R. (women's retreats that last for about an hour an a half once a month on Saturday mornings.) It was awesome as usual.

Jenny talked about how we so often cover ourselves up from people and God with "fig leaves" or people pleasing. BUT there is nothing we can hide from God. She sent this email about a book called "grace for the good girl" and included this excerpt that I really liked... it can be true for me or has been at different times in my life.

"I hide behind my smile and laid-back personality. I hide behind fine and good. I hide behind strong and responsible. I hide behind busy and comfortable and working hard toward your expectations. And if I do not meet your expectations, I hide behind indifferent. And though the purpose of my mask is to fool you, don’t be fooled.... I feel fear. It washes over me with its lies and half-truths. The lies aren’t blatant. They marry themselves with a little bit of truth so the distinction is blurry at best. And so I practice the presence of fear and refuse the presence of Jesus. I lived this toxic way for many years before I understood about The Rescue. I live it still, when I forget that I’ve been found. Even for those to whom truth has been revealed, fear can be a loud and abusive motivator. Fear drives. But Love leads."

I just think that message is so powerful...

I try not to hide behind any masks but I'm sure I do. As I was journaling I got the feeling that I do try to DO and SAY things to be more pleasing in God's eyes...but there isn't anything I can DO because the price has already been paid.

After RandR I had breakfast/lunch with a good friend and we were able to catch up on life. She is in a semi-new relationship so I was asking her about it. She said they actually met online.. which I think is really neat!

I think I might try some sort of sight and see where that goes. I think it's definitely less creepy, and more acceptable these days. What do YOU think?

On Sunday night I went to LCBC (a big church) for something that they call a life group link. It's basically a way for people to find a small group. It was really neat the way they did everything. I ended up with about 7 other girls who live around my area... I'm not good at forming first impressions of people that are very correct... but we'll see. I'm not sure I'll be "BFFs" with all of them...but it could be a good experience. We decided to meet on Sunday nights. The life group people suggest that this be a six-week trial, and that if you don't feel connected or comfortable after six weeks you can pull away. So I guess I'll give it a try and see how it goes.

Something really neat that came out of it, is that when I was in the midst of figuring out my group, I saw a girl kind of standing by herself and she looked young. Since I was looking for other young people I went up to her and asked her if she had a group yet...and she just said "no...", and I told her that we were kind of trying to form a group over in another area for people around where we live, and she came to join us. Then at the end, as we were walking out (we ha parked RIGHT near each other) she said "thanks for coming up and talking to me". I told her sure..I wasn't really sure what she was doing.. and she said "yeah...I'm not good at that, I was about ready to walk out."

So that was AWESOME. It was totally God working through me to help her find a group, and I'm so glad he did! Times like that are awesome.

So that was my weekend :)

Today I went to a school district office (hempfield) and started the process of signing up to sub with them. I'm supposed to call this lady at an Elementary school around Thursday to set up an informal interview. Then I have to wait for the board to approve me and they don't have a meeting until Oct. 11th.

Oh well... hopefully that works out.

Hope y'all are having a fantastic Tuesday!