I just got back from a new church I'm trying out. This was my third time there.
This is the second time I have left just plain feeling like poo. It really stinks because I LOVE the worship, I LOVE the message, and the whole "feel" of it...but to put it plain and simple, I just don't feel welcome there. Good friends of mine go to this church, so I figured I would give it a try...but it's so upsetting because I feel like there is no place for me.
Today a few people asked if I was my friend' sister, to which I replied no... and then one lady looks at me in the way someone might look at you if they think they've seen you before, or you look familiar to them...and she goes " You look young...I mean, you don't even look like you're old enough to be in college..!" Well geeze lady, thanks a lot. Like, what do I say to that? I'm sorry?
Sorry I don't look the way you think I should...? sorry.
ugh. Honestly I left church and rode home in tears.
It wasn't just that comment but a lot of things about it.
I'm 22 world.
Hey nice to meet you.
I look 16, yup. Sorry, can't help it...
Hey I'm 22, and nope...I'm not married. It happens...
can't you just accept me?
I just feel like I have no place and it's not a fun feeling. In that church...but also just in life right now.
I feel like I'm not normal or something... That comment broke the straw I guess..but now I feel like my brain is flooding with lies that I don't belong anywhere. Because I look young. Because I'm not married. Because I don't have a job. I'm not good enough. That comment keeps playing on repeat in my head " you don't even look old enough..."
She sounded so rude, like she was mocking me. "You don't even look old enough!" (I know. She wasn't...but my brain puts a nasty spin on these things)
.....ohhhhh life.
I just called a great mentor, friend Kylee...and now I feel a little better. whew...
Have you ever felt like this?
I love you, if I could just say three words...those would be the three. And yes I've felt that way before too. I'm 24, look young, don't have a job, feel like I don't have a purpose all the time. God has big things in store for you lady...it's just tough to wait on his timing sometimes. We need to have a jam session sometime this week. What do you think? Me, you, your guitar, and the floor....cause we always sit on the floor.
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