Love is patient

Well hi. :)

Today is Sunday and I've somehow made a habit of blogging on Friday's and Sunday's..hmm. I blame it on teaching.

My full week of teaching is done and over with! WooHOO!! What a week it was!

It was certainly challenging and I'm so amazed at how God really pulled me through it.

On Tuesday in particular I had a really terrible day. It was a 2hr delay because of some snow we got overnight. So the kids were CRAZY that day. The routine was a bit different and I think that messed them up too. I was the only one in the room with them basically all day and it was tough. They were SO chatty and loud, and hyper. To make things a million times worse, that one boy who I might have mentioned (maybe not..?) was out of control. He NEEDS something. Like medication or an aid but he isn't officially diagnosed with anything because his parents won't take him to the doctor. ANyway- he was having an OFF day. He refused to do any work. I didn't know what to do. He was up and out of his seat constantly. During my math lesson he was even rolling around on the floor. I just let him go because I couldn't make him sit down.
I was trying to get him to make up some work that he had refused to do earlier in the day at this recess type time, and he was up walking on the stage, walking on the bleachers, he found a sharp needle-like object and was playing with it. He wouldn't listen to me! I didn't know what to do. It was the worst feeling in the world. I just went home and cried that day.
One of the other days when he was up and out of his seat, I forced him to hold my hand at the front of the room because he wouldn't sit down. (Then eventually he did because he HATED being forced to hold my hand.

I was upset also because my coop gave me feedback along the lines of..."it's a fine line between letting him go because you need to teach the rest of the kids and making sure HE is learning too." I mean, yeah. I get that. He is a low kid. As a teacher I would be solely responsible for him making the benchmarks. But honestly- what on earth can I do if he is refusing to sit in his seat or do any work. ??
I was so frustrated.

That aside. I still like teaching. I think...;) I'm just so glad I'm done my full week.

The best thing of all, is that I've felt so close to God this week. :) :)
He is so completely amazing. I've been trying to set aside some real time to meet with Him and it really does such good for my soul. :) God really spoke through some of my friends this week too. I was reminded that some kids just act out because they don't know how to handle emotions and things they might be going through at home. I was like wow- yeah. Above everything these kids (even when they're bad and I want to scream at them) are just kids. They need love and respect just as much as I do. It helped to keep that in mind as I finished out the week. God also showed me these awesome verses about love.

13And so faith, hope, love abide [faith--conviction and belief respecting man's relation to God and divine things; hope--joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love--true affection for God and man, growing out of God's love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corin. 13:13

1EAGERLY PURSUE and seek to acquire [this] love [make it your aim, your great quest]; and earnestly desire and cultivate the spiritual endowments (gifts), especially that you may prophesy ([a]interpret the divine will and purpose in inspired preaching and teaching). 1 Corin 14:1

"Love endures long and is patient and kind..." 1 Corin. 13:4

23Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men, Colossians 3:23

That last verse is great too. I love the reminder that I am not working for my teacher, or my supervisor, or the kids. I'm doing all of this for God and His glory.

Last night I went to a talent show at LBC. It was pretty neat. There were three girls in particular who were awesome. One played piano while another sang the song "what do I know of Holy" and the third girl painted a picture as they sang and played. It was a truly beautiful display of glorifying God with the talents He has given.

It made me remember that I need to glorify God daily in everything I do and say. I want to make it my life mission that God is glorified through my gifts, words, and actions.

God is the supreme ruler of all..! It makes my heart fill with joy to think about His goodness and how He cares for us!
:)

Enjoy this gorgeous weather today!
Also listen to this song. I know it's justin beiber and people have their feelings about him, but I love this song!

Raisin bran and other random things..

1. I am currently obsessed with... watching ALIAS on dvd. :) It's still SO good and keeps getting better. I'm on the third season now. It seriously blows my mind. If you haven't ever seen it, you should totally start watching it. But you have to start on season 1. It's like the best movie ever that just keeps going.
hmm also...sleeping and making sure I get enough of it so I can function. annnd lately I'm pretty crazy about raisin bran crunch cereal. I'm so excited to eat breakfast everyday! It's that good. :) (HA)

2. Today I am ecstatic because it is Friday and I finally got through my first full week of teaching in 1st grade!!

3. The age I am is... 21 and the age I feel like is most of the time I feel like I'm still a teenager, but at the same time I feel like I'm starting to be way too mature for my own good. I love being independent but at times it gets a bit scary to think about.
Then again, all my friends (or most) are older than me by a few years so 21 feels pretty young yet.

4. My favorite place is.. THE BEACH! Hands down, I would basically rather be at the beach then anywhere else. I love the beach. :)

5. Something I have been procrastinating is... finishing my TWS (teacher work sample) for student teaching. I'm also procrastinating deciding where I will live next year and I really need to make a permanent decision like now. gah

6. The last thing I purchased was... Wendy's for dinner on Monday. ahaha...the only reason was because at school I was reading this easel story that one boy had written and he wrote about cheeseburgers and milkshakes..and I was like ohh man...I want that now. :)

7. The thing I love most about my house is... how familiar it is. My real house where my parents live is the one I grew up in. I lived there my WHOLE life until I "moved" to college and it was basically all I ever knew of a house. It's just such a comfort because I know it like the back of my hand, ya know? I could navigate it in the dark...and there are so many memories from it.

:)

Praying everyone has a blessed weekend!!

I plan to update about my week very soon. (prolly tomorrow!)

Indescribable, Uncontainable

I was playing this song a little bit ago on the piano and the truth behind the words really sank in.

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

Wow. Just wow.

This weekend went by in the blink of an eye. I'm sad it's over.

At the R&R retreat this weekend things were a bit different than usual. We had communion with bread, and prayed over the other women at our table. It was so great, and reminded me how much I love the power of prayer.
I realized through journaling that morning that I haven't been getting that genuine, true, amazing relational time with God lately. I have my 10 minutes or so in the morning but then when I go throughout the day I slowly start to go by my "own" strength. I hadn't realized it until this weekend, but I haven't been spending that REAL heart, unloading time with God that I SO need and desperately want. School takes up so much time and when I'm home in the evening I make so many excuses why not to spend more time with God. (I'm too tired to read my Bible, or think about the condition of my heart, pray...etc.) BUT I really need to try to push past those excuses. I know my heart will thank me for the time, and so will my relationship with God. Everything just "runs" better when we are running on that fuel that can only come from the spirit of God.

This weekend I was also talking with a good friend of mine and she was talking about the "masks" that we all put on. We have a mask that we wear. It covers up what we are really feeling inside. This weekend as I was reflecting a bit I realized that I do often put on a mask that I'm A-okay, all the time. I don't always feel good in my heart and mind but I want to appear happy and joyful because I know I should be that way. I don't even really think about it anymore, it's just second nature. There's a fine line I guess between complaining about things in our lives and being real when we aren't perfectly okay, yet being content in that. Does that make sense?
Like...I don't HAVE to appear like I'm completely happy if I'm truly not, but at the same time I don't want to complain and be a debby-downer. I know women though, who are real, they show their emotion when something isn't quite right but at the same time still have that strength and soul peace from God. So I know it can happen, and I want to be that way too.

I also was thinking about how similar we all are. We are all so similar. To our core we want to be loved, and love others and do right in God's eyes. There are things in all of our lives that we want to improve and that we bring to God constantly. It's just so neat to think about how God knows each of us individually and meets with us, and really hears. He knows. Why am I so quick to judge other women when I really am more like them than I am different from them..?

(That's not pertaining to anything specific, I was just thinking about it this weekend)

In my time praying this evening I stumbled upon this verse and I've been soaking it in. :)You should too.

15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:15-19

Teaching my full week starting tomorrow! I'm scared, nervous, excited and confident, all at the same time. eeek. Pray for mee! :)

Also-listen to this song! It's amazing.

FRIDAY!!!

1. I am... a sheep. :)
but really I'm a sheep. And a daughter, friend, teacher, peer, cousin, roommate, genuine, caring, lover of God.

2. The bravest thing I've ever done was... hmm..there are a few that come to mind. The first is getting baptized in September 2009. I don't like being the center of attention in any way. I'm just not that person. Also-at my church here at school, everyone who gets baptized also gives a testimony...which can be pretty scary! I really had to suck up my nerves and just go for it.
Going on a mission trip to CA where I wasn't close with any of the other people. That was hard..! But turned out to be awesome.
Interviewing for a leadership team position at church when I was only a freshman..!
And I must say all of these things were majorly scary but all were sources of MAJOR growth in my life. (hmmm...how about that..!;))

3. I feel prettiest when... I wear nice clothes, (like to school) and when I'm squeaky-clean.

4. Something that keeps me awake at night is... Thinking about a busy day I just had...or thinking about the future.

5. My favorite meal in the entire world is... home cooked, steak and potatoes. :) Also I have taken a new lovin' to sushi.

6. The way to my heart is... kind words and thoughtful actions. :) Also- HUGS. I love hugs.

7. I would like... a godly family of my own some day. :)

Happy weekend!!

The GREATEST love

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

I love remembering today that God LOVES US more than ANY human ever could. :) It makes me happy inside.

I heard a GREAT sermon yesterday. It was about finding our value in God.
He used the analogy of an ugly sweater (because it was ugly sweater Sunday) and he said, if someone famous would wear that ugly sweater...it makes it desirable, people want it because there is someone "important" backing it up.
Then, he used the analogy of a piece of paper vs. a 20 dollar bill. He said which would you rather have?? (Obviously we would take the $20) They are both paper, but the $20 has value because the government backs it up and says it is worth something.

WE have value when Jesus is the one backing US up! Where do you find your value? Who/what do you feel gives your life value? Money..? Clothes? Looks..? People? Relationships? We CANNOT find value in and of ourselves. We need to be made LESS, step off the "stool" and let Jesus sit there. Our only job in life is to "bow" at His feet. We find our value in Him when we humble ourselves. I have value because Jesus backs ME up. I'm important because Jesus backs ME up. I can do ALL things through Jesus because HE backs me up.

I took these notes:

-The Lord backs us up, we are His
-We find our value in Jesus, nothing else
-We belong to the Lord and He doesn't waiver as the center of our lives.
-We gain our worth from a God who doesn't fail
-He still BACKS you up, even when you MESS up!
-If your identify is not in Jesus, you are setting yourself up for failure

Who better to sit on the throne of our lives, to back us up and give us value than THE king of kings? The Lord of lords! The prince of peace! The God of ALL comfort! MY salvation! The God who loves more than we could ever fathom?!? That's a pretty awesome promise! :) :)


When I was getting ready for school this morning, God totally blessed my day with this beautiful sunrise. <3 He loves me. :) (and YOU)



On another note...we had our Valentine's party in 1st grade today and I decided I LOVE being a teacher on Valentine's day...;) The kids were SO cute today. Check out my goodies from my lovely kiddos



All gifts and jokes aside though, I really really DO love teaching! It's the coolest job EVER!

Carried through the week

Despite being a tad bit upset on Monday and feeling discouraged, this week turned itself around and ended up being AWESOME!

It was the first five day week that I've had there so far because of all the crazy snow we've been getting. Don't get me wrong, I love snow days, BUT it felt just as good this week to get a solid routine down. It just helps me feel like I can breathe easier. I'm just that person that needs a routine.

Since we got a five day week in, I was able to teach my whole science unit on matter. :) The kids LOVED it. It helps that I did so many hands on things (which I could do because I had another teacher's hands to help), they really enjoyed everything. We sorted objects, looked at solids, liquids, made oobleck (corn starch and water), made ice cream, and did a sink/float experiment. They were sad that yesterday was our last day for the matter unit, but they had fun. On top of that they actually LEARNED! Ask those kids to name a solid or a liquid or to give an example of matter and they could do it with their eyes closed. =)

Basically all of the students that weren't quite warmed up to me at the beginning of this week, totally are now. They don't see me as a "student", to them I'm just their other teacher..which is nice.

Yesterday my teacher was out of the room all day, and there was a sub in her place..because of parent/teacher conferences. It was so nice because she let me sit in on some to see what they were like. So I was in and out. I taught reading in the morning and went to conferences until lunch.

It was so nice to hear some of the parents say "Oh, you're Miss ***..!, my child loves YOU!" Or..."OH I've heard a lot about you"...or "Yeah, he talks about you". I was thinking...so they like me..they really do..?? It made my heart so happy!

One of the mothers said "are you Miss ***?! Every morning my daughter says 'I want a braid today like Miss ***' or 'hair down today'." HA! I realized that I had said something to her daughter in passing one day when we had pretty much the SAME hairstyle. We had the SAME type of braid. I was like "oh *so and so* we have the same hair today!". She kind of smiled but didn't say much about it so I had no idea I had impacted her that much.
Isn't that so neat? It really made me realize how much what you say to these kiddos as a teacher, impacts them. You may never even know it, but what you say could be playing an important role for them. It made me smile inside. =]

Also- remember how I mentioned something about the superintendent coming this week..? Well I had emailed him to stop by and see my science lesson on Friday since he would be in the building. (It was a miracle that I got up that courage!) He in fact DID stop by for a few minutes yesterday. I was nervous, but nothing too out of proportion to the situation. When he came in I didn't even want to look at him because I was afraid to...haha. It's hard to say what he though, because I'm not even sure what it looked like to an onlooker. We'll see. I didn't feel REALLY great or not great about it either way.

I'm just SO glad it's the weekend! I slept in and it felt so nice. Lots of laying around and lesson planning on the schedule again. My wonderful mom also sent me a Valentine's package that I got yesterday when I came home from school. It has candy of course and SEASON 3 of ALIAS! Needless to say that's on the docket for this weekend as well. :)

I'm so thankful for the ways that God carried me this week and for the many blessings He is pouring on right now. I absolutely LOVE my cooperating teacher and the kiddos. It's been such a blessing. (I'll be so sad to leave them mid-march!)

Have happy weekend!

God's opinion is worth more...

I just have to say, I KNOW, I know, I know, that to become a teacher you must go through that season of being in "the fishbowl".

People have to watch you, they have to comment on what you do, it HAS to happen. I get it. But I don't like it.

I hate it. Actually.

It just makes me feel so judged. mehh

And it's draining. I've only really just begun this journey of being a "new" teacher and it's so frustrating feeling like people have the right to judge me, and comment, and "force" their opinions of ME onto me.

I get the whole, you need to accept constructive criticism thing....but it's so tough.

I don't want to be labeled...by anyone.

I'm insecure. It's a fact. I know I won't be perfect the first time around but I can't stand the way I feel when someone is watching me teach and they comment on all of it afterwards.
I know it's necessary, I really do...but that doesn't mean I have to like the way it makes me feel.

I don't expect to be perfect but then why is it so hard to take the criticism..?

My supervisor was there today for science later in the day. My lessons were fine. I actually felt that reading went SO well. My teacher left the room at one point and I was alone in a classroom teaching, for the FIRST. TIME. EVER. It was awesome! and the kids were GREAT. Even my little buddy that can be a handful sometimes was well behaved..for him.
But for my science lesson, she talked with me afterward and just said it went well...blah blah (I feel like they have to say that..) and then some things that weren't right.

I don't know how exactly she worded it, but all I hear is...YOU SUCK.

haaa how sad and pathetic that sounds. But honestly, it doesn't even matter if I did most of it right, tell me I did two little things the wrong way and it brings me down and makes me feel like poo.

Honestly, I was tearing up on the way home. It's so hard to be evaluated so much in that short amount of time. My supervisor and my coop giving me the low-down on my abilities...their opinions being forced on me like a weight. I'm just trying to figure all of this stuff out myself and it just feels like a lot sometimes.

I need to keep reminding myself that God's opinion is worth more...

(ps SORRY this is all about student teaching lately, but that's basically become my life..)

**Also, I just added my scripture memory for Feb. Check it out :)

Passions

YAY it's the weekend!!! :)

I've been SO spoiled by all of these snow days. Man oh man. It was so hard to get out of bed yesterday... 5:30 is not a happy hour..(for anyone..haa)

After school yesterday I came home for the weekend. :) I love being home so I was pretty excited.

My lesson on Thursday went a lot better than the one on Wednesday. It wasn't perfect by any means, but I filled up the whole time.. it flowed pretty well, AND I got to try out a call and response technique I learned. I say "oh class" in a certain way and the students repeat "oh yes" the same way I said "oh class". They loved it..! It made me smile inside. So it went well, and I give God all the credit because it's been SO by His strength and not my own.

Friday's lesson was shorter than an hour because of the scheduling for that day being slightly different, but it went alright. The students were a little crazy, a few in particular more than others. The next thing I need to try is calling them out on their bad behavior so that it doesn't get too out of hand. There is one student that seems to be testing what he can do with me, and my teacher said she's afraid of what he'll do when she leaves the room if he's acting out a little with her there. So yeah..that was a little discouraging.

Next week there are three students coming back that were absent this whole week because they were at Disney World! Yes..THREE. and no, they aren't related.
I'm nervous because on of the students is the real "trouble" one. He will set off other students if he's having an "off" day, and who knows how he will be after missing the routine of school for a whole week. He probably won't even remember me, so it should be interesting.
On top of that I'm keeping reading, and also starting my science unit. Oh boy...it'll be an interesting week.

My teacher also let me know that the superintendent is coming this week and that it would be good to have him observe me..! I completely agree it would be AWESOME if I could get him to come see me, but I'm sure I'll be SO nervous..! ahhh..

So yeah, needless to say, lots of lesson planning this weekend... woohoo

On another note, a week or so ago my blogger friend BFM posted about "passions" and to think about what we were passionate about when we were seven year olds...and whether that's taken root in our lives now.. (I'm messing the words up a bit, but you get the idea)
I was thinking about it, and when I was around that age (and allll of my childhood) I LOVED playing with my baby dolls. haa, it sounds really lame, but even at that age I acted like such a mother. (to my dolls..) I would kiss them, and take "care" of them, and love on them. To this day I've always LOVED kids, and that's why my baby dolls were such a big "hit" with me. Of course, I also loved to play school. It's awesome to see how that passion for children has taken such a place in my life. I've always been "naturally" good with children and I'm so thankful God has gifted me in that way and that I can work at a job that will keep that passion going.

I also always LOVED music. I would sing songs all the time. I remember being little and just singing all the songs I could think of..haha. I had my shoe box full of cassette tapes and my little recorder that I would sing along with. It's SO neat to look back and see how God has used music to bring me closer to Him. When I started learning guitar, I was in tenth grade and I played all secular music. Throughout high school though, as I started learning more about God, I slowly started to play worship music and now that's mostly ALL I play! Not only that but I've been using that gift to serve God on worship team. It's just so cool how He has used that. (and I'm sure He knew what He was doing when that all started..) :)

So that's a random snapshot at "little" me for ya..ha.

oh and Happy Super bowl..! (Go STEELERS..?!)

I need routine..!

I need a routine...in the WORST way.

Don't get me wrong today's snow ICE day, was lovely and wonderful and made me happy to relax...buut at the same time, this weather is messing me all up..! I haven't been to school on a Tuesday YET this semester...ha, can you believe that..? This is crazy!
Routines really make me feel so much better about life...I'm not sure what it is about them. I feel so out of whack though, and sort of home-sick at the moment.

This morning in my time that I set aside for God I had a lot of time to write in my prayer journal.

I've realized lately that I've been hearing this subtle conviction that I'm keeping an idol in my life. The "American Dream".

It's so hard to admit because I know how wrong it is, but I so badly have this desire to be a wife and mommy...more than almost anything else. I want a Godly family of my own. I want to live in a house with my own family and live that "perfect life".

It's not realistic. (the perfect life part...)

That's what I feel like I've been striving after, which is difficult because all I can do really is wait, and pray about those types of things.
Sometimes I feel like when I finally have those things, I'll be content..even though I know that's not true.

I know in my heart of hearts that only God can truly satisfy and that I need Him first and foremost to fill me.

I've also still been thinking about next year and direction for my life. When I feel like I've decided I keep changing my mind...and at this point I still don't know what I want. I would love to stay out here in this area, but at the same time I feel like I wouldn't mind living at home for a year. I just don't know. It's scary though.

After praying this morning my devotion was so great. It reminded me to take things ONE day at a time. I can look at the scary mountain looming ahead and think about that, OR I can look at the path right in front of me and focus on today, trusting God for what will come.

I think I'll pick the latter of the two!

I'll leave you with a song I've been hearing on the radio lately that I like a lot. :)