Don't get me wrong today's
Routines really make me feel so much better about life...I'm not sure what it is about them. I feel so out of whack though, and sort of home-sick at the moment.
This morning in my time that I set aside for God I had a lot of time to write in my prayer journal.
I've realized lately that I've been hearing this subtle conviction that I'm keeping an idol in my life. The "American Dream".
It's so hard to admit because I know how wrong it is, but I so badly have this desire to be a wife and mommy...more than almost anything else. I want a Godly family of my own. I want to live in a house with my own family and live that "perfect life".
It's not realistic. (the perfect life part...)
That's what I feel like I've been striving after, which is difficult because all I can do really is wait, and pray about those types of things.
Sometimes I feel like when I finally have those things, I'll be content..even though I know that's not true.
I know in my heart of hearts that only God can truly satisfy and that I need Him first and foremost to fill me.
I've also still been thinking about next year and direction for my life. When I feel like I've decided I keep changing my mind...and at this point I still don't know what I want. I would love to stay out here in this area, but at the same time I feel like I wouldn't mind living at home for a year. I just don't know. It's scary though.
After praying this morning my devotion was so great. It reminded me to take things ONE day at a time. I can look at the scary mountain looming ahead and think about that, OR I can look at the path right in front of me and focus on today, trusting God for what will come.
I think I'll pick the latter of the two!
I'll leave you with a song I've been hearing on the radio lately that I like a lot. :)
Oh Kari! I can relate-- but you know what I thought while I was reading your sweet, honest post?
ReplyDeleteGod's dream for you is so much bigger and better and more exciting than the American One.
Love to you today friend!