Security

I really like checking out the She Seeks website. It's designed to minister to 20-something women, so it often speaks to things I can relate to. They update the "truths" section weekly, and then by the end of the week they usually post some type of video response.

Today's post there totally met me where I'm at.

I just want to feel secure in something, and I don't.

I know, you're probably so sick of hearing it...but that's my big struggle right now.

I really liked this part from today's post:

We can take a step back, take in a deep breath and remind ourselves that in Christ, we are secure. There is no other thing or person besides Jesus who can bring the security, safety and stability that our hearts truly long for in this often chaotic world in which we live.

Whatever your surroundings are looking like this moment, know this:in Christ, you are secure.

Be secure in Christ today!

It's the little things

It's Tuesday and I'm actually getting to my blog!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. (well...sort of hah)

Whenever I stop and think about the way things are right now, I just still feel kind of uneasy.

I miss the way things used to be.

When they were comfortable.

When I was in college.

When certain friends made more of an effort. (it seriously bums me out when I care more than others...or they are "busy" if you want to put it that way.)

When I got to KNOW what was coming next. Like within the next month even.

mehhh.

I'm not spending nearly enough time in God's word as I should be and I feel like that is part of the problem. :(

I really miss the caregroup days, when we would meet weekly to read and talk about scripture with each other. We prayed for each other every week and updated about our praises and problems. I miss that so much it makes me sad inside. I don't have that right now... and I think that's part of the problem. My accountability is definitely less these days. =/

I was reminded from someone else's blog title about something I said in another post before I even moved here. It was about how I need to spend time WITH God and in His word to know where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. It was a good reminder for tonight.

I have been very blessed this week to have had sub jobs Mon, and today, as well as tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a half day, which excites me for a few reasons.

1. I will get to sleep in.

2. I can get to Derry Township and drop off more of my sub papers

3. I can call Bear Creek about their LTS position

:)

Do you want to hear the funniest part of my day today in 2nd grade? Well....I'm telling you.

There was a little girl raising her hand and she was looking at a book. I came over to her and said "yup?" She pointed to a picture and said "..what are those frogs doing??" I looked at the picture and there was one frog was on top of another frog. ..... hahah. I said..."well, they're mating." She said...."ohhhh!"

;) But I'm not sure she actually understood what that meant. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud, I'm telling you! Hope that made you smile though. hahaha it certainly made me smile inside.

It's the little things.

New Church

Hi blog world.

It's been a whole week since I last blogged..whoops!

Not sure why that happened, because I didn't get sub jobs allll week. (with the exception of Friday when I subbed in 3rd grade!)

I'm feeling a lot better than I was feeling last Sunday. That was tough...

Later on I was thinking and praying and I think it was sort of God's way of telling me that I can't MAKE things work that just don't, even if it's what I would want to happen.

Me feeling so badly about it was kind of a sign I think, or a door closing, so that I would have to try something else there. I really have nothing against that church but there really isn't a place for me to grow and be involved.

God was like..."Can't you see Kari? Try something else..."

He has something better for me than that.

This morning I went to a church called CBC and I really enjoyed it.

On their website they have a lot of Adult Fellowship Groups listed and it said they had one for ages 22-29. I had emailed earlier this week to see what room it was in, and I went there before the service. (it was like a Sunday school class). At first I wasn't so sure because, except for one other woman, I was the only single person in the room. haha. BUT I still really liked it and enjoyed myself. The people seem really awesome. Some are older than me (well, most) some are pregnant, one couple even has a couple of kids....but I felt SO welcome there. After we were done, a lady talked to me and they were saying there are other singles, but they just weren't there... I said is it okay that I'm here? And they were like "ohh yeahh!" , I'm not uncomfortable with it so if I can go there I want to. They seem like a group of people that I would love to be friends with.

She told me they do a lot of things together and that she would include me in the emails if I gave her my info.

The church itself is a really big church. They have two services, and there are a lot of people....but I really liked it. I think I'll go there again next week.

During the message this morning, the pastor was talking about how WE, as the church body, need to be Jesus to people wherever we are. It was a really neat reminder. He had a bunch of stories that he read to us as examples.

WE need to share the truth that we know with others. With everyone we encounter, we need to be Jesus. (our co-workers, friends, family, neighbors, anyone we encounter)

He gave a couple of reference verses, my favorite was John 1:14

¹⁴And the Word (Christ) became flesh (human, incarnate) and tabernacled (fixed His tent of flesh, lived awhile) among us; and we [actually] saw His glory (His honor, His majesty), such glory as an only begotten son receives from his father, full of grace (favor, loving-kindness) and truth.^(E)

He discussed us being "incarnational" rather than "invitational"...Meaning it's good to invite people into OUR Christian environment, but at the same time we should BE Jesus to the people around us. Just like when Jesus CAME to earth in the flesh.

In other news, I named another one of the kittens. ha. Yeah. I did that. Her name is Sydney (Bristow). So there is now Beatrice and Sydney B. :)

hahah

I've also been doing a lot of crocheting lately. I've learned how to read patterns and it's so fun!

Here is a hat I made that I am pretty proud of. :)

I will be making many more things in the future. :) I really want to try to make some booties! There are so many fun ideas on Pinterest.

Hope you had a relaxing, enjoyable weekend!

Look out, this is not suger-coated.

I feel pretty darn crappy right now. Like, the crappy I used to feel allll the time, but I haven't felt in a while.

I just got back from a new church I'm trying out. This was my third time there.

This is the second time I have left just plain feeling like poo. It really stinks because I LOVE the worship, I LOVE the message, and the whole "feel" of it...but to put it plain and simple, I just don't feel welcome there. Good friends of mine go to this church, so I figured I would give it a try...but it's so upsetting because I feel like there is no place for me.

Today a few people asked if I was my friend' sister, to which I replied no... and then one lady looks at me in the way someone might look at you if they think they've seen you before, or you look familiar to them...and she goes " You look young...I mean, you don't even look like you're old enough to be in college..!" Well geeze lady, thanks a lot. Like, what do I say to that? I'm sorry?

Sorry I don't look the way you think I should...? sorry.

ugh. Honestly I left church and rode home in tears.

It wasn't just that comment but a lot of things about it.

I'm 22 world.

Hey nice to meet you.

I look 16, yup. Sorry, can't help it...

Hey I'm 22, and nope...I'm not married. It happens...

can't you just accept me?

I just feel like I have no place and it's not a fun feeling. In that church...but also just in life right now.

I feel like I'm not normal or something... That comment broke the straw I guess..but now I feel like my brain is flooding with lies that I don't belong anywhere. Because I look young. Because I'm not married. Because I don't have a job. I'm not good enough. That comment keeps playing on repeat in my head " you don't even look old enough..."

She sounded so rude, like she was mocking me. "You don't even look old enough!" (I know. She wasn't...but my brain puts a nasty spin on these things)

.....ohhhhh life.

I just called a great mentor, friend Kylee...and now I feel a little better. whew...

Have you ever felt like this?

8th grade

IT'S SATURDAY!!! :D

I'm glad...just sayin.

Last time I wrote was Tuesday...and I think it was that night that I saw a sub job online for a three day assignment! I took it right away. So the past three days..I was an 8th grade social studies teacher. :) It was pretty great. I actually enjoyed it. If you haven't been around a classroom full of 8th graders...you're missin' out.

No but really, they are very entertaining. The lesson plans I was given were very light and laid back. Meaning, I didn't actually teach much at all. Wednesday they were combined with another class and another SS teacher talked with them about 9/11. Then, the next two days the students were working on projects. So...Thursday and Friday consisted of a lot of walking around and helping them on the Mac computers or answering questions about the project. There can be so many problems with technology! A lot of the time someones paper wouldn't print...or the computer wouldn't load, OR their username and password wouldn't work...they forgot or didn't know their password... you get the idea.

I think I dreamed about computer difficulties in my sleep. ;)

It was a good way to kick of my school year of subbing though.

The students said they liked me as a sub (and/or teacher) I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing...maybe I was too easy on them? Idk..they weren't bad at all though.

OH and yesterday I proctored my first test! They had to take 4-sights in the morning...

It felt weird being on the other side of that for once..!

So yes...I was so glad to sleep in this morning. I've been so tired. Not to mention...SORE from using the gym this week. I guess I haven't done sit-ups in some time bc those ten I did on Wednesday are still hurting me..haha.

Have a lovely weekend!

Weekend reflection and some life updates :)

Hey there...

It's Tuesday...and I am home once again. ;) Oh the life of an aspiring substitute. It helps that I know a lot of people are in my shoes.

I had a really great weekend! For some reason it seems a lot farther away than it is..ha.

Friday Kasey and I hung out, and then Friday night some friends got together for my birthday at Olive Garden. :) It was soo fun. We went to Border's after because they were having an intense going out of business sale... I got two good read a loud chapter books for pretty cheap, so that was exciting.

Saturday morning I went to R and R. (women's retreats that last for about an hour an a half once a month on Saturday mornings.) It was awesome as usual.

Jenny talked about how we so often cover ourselves up from people and God with "fig leaves" or people pleasing. BUT there is nothing we can hide from God. She sent this email about a book called "grace for the good girl" and included this excerpt that I really liked... it can be true for me or has been at different times in my life.

"I hide behind my smile and laid-back personality. I hide behind fine and good. I hide behind strong and responsible. I hide behind busy and comfortable and working hard toward your expectations. And if I do not meet your expectations, I hide behind indifferent. And though the purpose of my mask is to fool you, don’t be fooled.... I feel fear. It washes over me with its lies and half-truths. The lies aren’t blatant. They marry themselves with a little bit of truth so the distinction is blurry at best. And so I practice the presence of fear and refuse the presence of Jesus. I lived this toxic way for many years before I understood about The Rescue. I live it still, when I forget that I’ve been found. Even for those to whom truth has been revealed, fear can be a loud and abusive motivator. Fear drives. But Love leads."

I just think that message is so powerful...

I try not to hide behind any masks but I'm sure I do. As I was journaling I got the feeling that I do try to DO and SAY things to be more pleasing in God's eyes...but there isn't anything I can DO because the price has already been paid.

After RandR I had breakfast/lunch with a good friend and we were able to catch up on life. She is in a semi-new relationship so I was asking her about it. She said they actually met online.. which I think is really neat!

I think I might try some sort of sight and see where that goes. I think it's definitely less creepy, and more acceptable these days. What do YOU think?

On Sunday night I went to LCBC (a big church) for something that they call a life group link. It's basically a way for people to find a small group. It was really neat the way they did everything. I ended up with about 7 other girls who live around my area... I'm not good at forming first impressions of people that are very correct... but we'll see. I'm not sure I'll be "BFFs" with all of them...but it could be a good experience. We decided to meet on Sunday nights. The life group people suggest that this be a six-week trial, and that if you don't feel connected or comfortable after six weeks you can pull away. So I guess I'll give it a try and see how it goes.

Something really neat that came out of it, is that when I was in the midst of figuring out my group, I saw a girl kind of standing by herself and she looked young. Since I was looking for other young people I went up to her and asked her if she had a group yet...and she just said "no...", and I told her that we were kind of trying to form a group over in another area for people around where we live, and she came to join us. Then at the end, as we were walking out (we ha parked RIGHT near each other) she said "thanks for coming up and talking to me". I told her sure..I wasn't really sure what she was doing.. and she said "yeah...I'm not good at that, I was about ready to walk out."

So that was AWESOME. It was totally God working through me to help her find a group, and I'm so glad he did! Times like that are awesome.

So that was my weekend :)

Today I went to a school district office (hempfield) and started the process of signing up to sub with them. I'm supposed to call this lady at an Elementary school around Thursday to set up an informal interview. Then I have to wait for the board to approve me and they don't have a meeting until Oct. 11th.

Oh well... hopefully that works out.

Hope y'all are having a fantastic Tuesday!

Really Lee?

Today was quite a day!

I woke up at 6am to my cell phone ringing. The sub service was calling.. Really? Today of all days? When it's ya know...pouring, and flooding...and all the school's near me are closed...? REALLY?

haha..Needless to say, I said no thanks..I thought I would be babysitting anyway...which I ended up not doing. It was good to stay inside today though. We lost power at about 6:30 am until about 3:30 pm... Out here (I'm not used to living in no-where land) when the power is out, you have no water either. blehh...noooo fun. My biggest concern was no toilet flushing..ha. But thank GOODNESS it didn't last long.

I feel like I've been stranded in the house for so long...even though it really hasn't been that long.

Weather messing up plans is just one of the most frustrating things sometimes. I just hope the weekend things I'm doing will still be able to happen...!

Praying for those whose homes were really flooded..we were very fortunate on that front, since the house is on a hill. And for those in droughts! Stay stafeee. <3

Rain, Rain, Rain

Is it raining where you are?

Well...it is flooding here where I am.

My plan today since I didn't have to babysit was to go to some district offices and drop things off. I was thinking about going to the gym, you know...low key things such as those.

BUT HOLY COW is it raining! I guess it hasn't really stopped since yesterday and it was really pouring. A lot of the roads around here are flooding =/ The schools even let out early..! I took that as a hint that I should stay home.

I had even gotten so far as putting my nice clothes on and "doing" something to my hair...

oh welll. Instead I got changed and Courtney and I went out to take pictures. There is a little (well normally little) creek in their yard...and it turned into a LAKE! It took up so much of the yard. We could have literally gone swimming. =p Since the rain has slowed down a little, it has gotten back to a creek but whew...! What excitement.

Can I hold something??

I'm having sort of a difficult time right now.

It probably doesn't help one bit that I was home for a lonng...(SUPER LONG) weekend.

I just strongly dislike this feeling that I don't know where my life is going. It's reaaaallllyyy tough for me right now. :(

I NEED a routine. I need consistency, to feel OKAY. and right now...I just don't have it.

There is nothing in my life right now that I feel I can "grasp" hold of and breathe a sigh of relief that I know what's coming. I just want to hold on to something. I want to know it won't change.

I want to know I'll have a job. I want to know I'll find a good church and meet nice new friends. I want to know I'll have a permanent living space.

But I don't know ANYTHING and it's making me SO anxious. =/

I know, I know...you're saying cling to God! He won't change! And I know it in my head, but my heart's not feelin it right now. blehh

On my way home I was thinking about making new friends...and all that comes with that. It's been quite a while since I've made any new friends... Do I even remember how?!

haa...do you ever feel like that?

Well, I feel that new friends are coming my way with all this new-ness. New church. New job.

New friends. It just makes sense..you see? ;)

mehh. So that is that friends.

Happy Birthday to me :)

On this day 22 years ago, little ME was born! :) haa...I'm 22 today wooo!

I know you must be thinking...that picture can't possibly be YOU!? but yes my friends...it is.

Good thing I got cuter huh? ;)

Stoked to spend this weekend at home relaxing.