Unexpected

I can feel the winds of change continually and slowly moving

all

the

time.

I was thinking this morning.
I probably haven't documented this much, if at all (since I've been all MIA from blog world) but I've felt on and off depressed.....again.
I've definitely struggled with this before, and I know I've blogged about it. Especially when I was in college. I don't know what it is. It's usually not circumstantial, although sometimes that adds to it I think. I just get in these funks where I feel like poo. It. sucks.
It's something I would never wish on anyone.
I often feel really lost. Like I don't know who I am. Or what direction my life is going.
Now....back to this morning. I realized part of the reason I think I feel so lost is that God is messing with and HAS already messed up my plans.

I was going to meet someone in college. I was going to marry that person. I was going to be a teacher and I was going to get a job right away. I wasn't, EVER, going to live alone without a dog (yes, I actually had that thought), and everything was going to be perfect and happen the way I expected it to, dangit.

Instead? I live alone. No dog. (and I FLIPPIN LOVE IT) No teaching job. (don't so much love that) No husband, or boyfriend for that matter but right now? the thought of dating is so not appealing to me. at. all.

Sometimes I find myself wondering if I'm even supposed to be a teacher.

Lately I've been working my TAIL off. Like crazy. I feel like I have no time to do anything but work.
I'm actually thinking about quitting my second job at the store.

This thought is SO! SUPER! exciting. Because, oh my gosh golly, to have my weekends back (!!!!!!!) I can't even fathom how wonderful that would be.
BUT, it's also scary. There's the whole, change bit. and then ....WILL I have enough to support myself?

My photography is kind of heading in an exciting direction and I have a lot of shoots booked just in the next couple of months. I'm thinking of spending more time and money investing in that.

It'll be a sacrifice though, because I don't just have money to throw away but it might be something worth trying.

I also might have the opportunity to tutor some kiddos....and that would make me feel better too....money wise.

I'm also contemplating a mission trip this summer........ and well. My head is just kind of spinning and I'm not exactly sure what God wants me to do with all of it. But I know He's doing something.

and none of it I expected.