Expectations

Happy August!

I cannot believe how fast this summer is going...I know I always say that but I'm still constantly shocked by it!

I'm back from Swatara! Thanks to anyone who was praying for me:) It was...different than expected. When I got there I found out from several different people that it was their last full week of camp there. This was sort of a negative in my mind because all the staff had already gone through their full summer together. They were already close, they'd already been through lots of 'stuff' together and they had the routines and everything down like no ones business. And then here comes me, new to
e v e r y t h i n g this camp has to offer. haa..it makes me laugh a little inside because it's so crazy.
It only took me a day or so to feel really confident in the schedule and things which was good. A typical day there was a lot like a day at Carson Simpson. They had Bible, nature, arts and crafts...etc. They also had lots of added things like "change of pace", which was, by far, my favorite part of the whole day because I got to lay down and nap if I wanted =) haa that sounds terrible that THAT was my favorite part but I did like other stuff of course;)

One of my favorite nights there was one where I got to read to the girls. I read them "You are special" and talked with them a little about it. After I read it a couple of the girls were like "read another one!!!". They were so excited and they were silent when I was reading to them, it was a great feeling. Before I started reading the second book they were chatty and around the cabin getting ready for bed...and then when I sat down on the floor in the middle they were like "..she's starting the book!!!" and they all listened again. I don't know why but I really loved it. This was also the night that I took my guitar out and started playing a little bit. The girls loved it. They were like moths to a light bulb when I played. They would all circle around me and just stand there transfixed and staring in awe..hah. It was cool. A lot of them told me they really liked it and they wanted me to play them to sleep. :)It was a great night. A fav by far :D I was so thankful to God for that time.

It was especially great because the day or so before I was having sort of a hard time. Like I said, the staff there were already very connected and I felt really disconnected from them and out of my element. I'm a shy person anyway, but especially in a situation where everyone but me is close is difficult. (I'd imagine this is hard for anyone) It's not like I didn't try either...I did, but it's not like you get close with a person you don't know overnight. The first day I was thinking to myself
"why on earth am I here?" " They don't need me here.." and I was just wishing I hadn't signed up for it. It was good in some ways because I prayed about it every night and told God how disconnected I felt from everyone. And it DID get better by the end of the week. God helped me to remember that I was there for the campers...not the social aspect.
A couple days later though I was able to talk to one person who was on staff. She was usually a nurse there but she was counseling for the week. It was her first time counseling so she was sort of out of her element too. It was comforting and so good to just talk to someone who was open to talking to me.
(I'm sure others would have been open too but it was way too intimidating to walk up to a whole group of the other counselors who knew each other well already. They were always in a huddle together..it was just weird)

One thing that was particularly stretching was when I (me and my 8 campers) were assigned to lead a vespers. It's like their evening devotions sort of...with the WHOLE junior camp. It was my turn on Tuesday and I was super nervous. I don't like talking in front of a whole bunch of people anyway...but especially when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. It was solely MY job to organize my campers and help them put something together. From what I was able to observe at the other two vespers the nights before, the counselors were also responsible for speaking...SOMETHING. ha.

So we planned it during a "discovery period"...(basically free period). I helped the girls plan a skit they would do having to do with that days theme (accepting others), and picked out a few verses to read and songs to sing. I prayed about it a lot. I gave it to God and in return I wasn't nervous when the time actually came to speak and things. I had to start the songs by myself, help the girls in the order of things and be in front of everyone...it was so uncomfortable! (so of course it was very stretching) I wanted to try to tie the gospel into the verse I read. (side note-it really seemed like they never presented the gospel..which had me confused) So I read the one in Luke about when Jesus calls the little children to come to Him. I explained that he calls and accepts US as His children, just like we should accept Him as the Savior of our sins.
So yeah...over all it only took about 10 minutes..ha but I really did try my best. I think that's what matters to God.

The week wasn't as tiring as I thought it would be....well when I was there I mean. I definitely didn't feel as tired as I thought I would, I think because I was distracted from my needs by the campers. I loved my girls! They were a great group. I amazed at how they all interacted with each other. They each came with a buddy..but by the second day they didn't stay with their "buddies" they were all inter-mixed, and they talked to everyone like they came knowing each other. It was great and I was impressed with them in that way.

If I'm being perfectly honest..a small part of me feels like I didn't make much of an impact there like I thought I would. I kind of caught myself wondering if God used me at all there...or what "big" purpose I served. But then I was reminded that I have NO idea all that was/is truly going on around me. I could have had some sort of impact on the staff, or the campers or anyone I came in contact with, without knowing it. God is doing so much all the time and I know for sure that there is some sort of reason He had me there. (I'm not exactly sure what that is yet) I myself was challenged and stretched and I'm sure that's not all that came out of that week. All of this reminds me of the fact that our expectations really don't mean much of anything. We have expectation of how things will be in our lives but we'll never truly know what will happen until we live them. Things were different than I expected but that doesn't mean that God used it any less!

I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to go there and then to go to the beach for a few days on top of that! God is so good. I'm so thankful for His love and comfort. I've had a cold and some pretty nasty sunburn the past few days but God is still here and reminded me of His healing:) I'm so so grateful, I can't even put into words all that God means to me.


(Here's a picture of the whole junior camp. It's a little blurry bc it's a picture of a picture.)