It's Wednesday night. Which means it's caregroup night, well...it's SUPPOSED to be caregroup night.. (CG is Bible study) but it was cancelled tonight because one of the leaders got sick :( I'm really bummed. I hate to admit it, buuut I start looking forward to Wednesday night... on Monday. ha. Yes. MONDAY. It's kind of sickening but it's really a day that I can't wait to come because I love caregroup that much. All week I wait for it in my head. It's like such a bright spot in my week. Something to look forward to ya know? So yeah, I'm bummed.
I have my dreaded Praxis 2 tests coming up this Saturday so I've been studying, and caregroup is always a nice "forced" break for myself. If I'm home I feel like I should be studying.
Tonight though I decided to do a "soaking" as Kathi called them, and just spend a little quiet time with God (..before I start studying.... If your curious as to what I mean by soaking check out this post
She had us listen to her music and draw, but I just put on some random music (JJ Hellers new album, which is fantastic btw)and started drawing.
I ended up drawing an ocean with a lot of waves and I'm in the waves trying not to drown. At the bottom of the ocean I wrote the words, fear, worry, loneliness, anxiety. I also wrote no fight left..
and then above the ocean I drew a yellow/orange cloud with God's arms reaching down. In the light clouds I wrote peace, love, joy, truth, comfort. I also put MY ARMS ARE OPEN.
It's kind of amazing what kind of things just come out when you sit down to color or draw. My picture seems kind of depressing. I mean...I pretty much drew myself drowning..I know that can't be good.
That's honestly how I've felt these past few days/weeks though, on and off. I seriously feel like I'm drowning sometimes. In worry,fear, anxiety, doubts, you name it. I haven't felt like myself and I've been so depressed. It's the worst feeling ever, because there isn't really a direct reason and it's SO HARD to pull myself out when I'm feeling it.
I felt A LOT better today than yesterday and I've been thanking God for that. I sometimes wonder if I should tell a doctor or someone about it, but it's not consistent, it's so on and off. I'm just not sure if it's normal.
Anyway- in my time tonight God showed up and he pointed out these verses in 1 Peter3:
3Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning...4But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.
...And you are now [Sarah's] true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].
I was also reading in Colossians 3. I love the whole thing, this verse especially stuck out tonight..
15And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ's] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always].
I love that. God's peace settles all questions that arise in our minds. (and believe me, I can come up with a lot of 'em.
So yeah, Happy Wednesday night to all!
You know, it may seem like this place of worry and anxiety that you've been in will last forever, but it won't. God loves you too much - there is purpose in it, and He will bring you through it!
ReplyDeleteHey sweet girl, Just keep your eyes set on Jesus the author and perfector of your faith. When you focus on Jesus everything else goes into perspective. hugs, prayers and love. :)
ReplyDeleteI read this today and thought of yo - When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up-the flames will not consume you. Isaiah 43:2
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