All I need is you

Welp. It's been a whole week since I heard that sermon on the radio.

3 weeks of class are already gone, 1 week to go. I cannot wait for it to be over with already. It's been causing me so much stress lately (which is probably my own fault)..there's SO much paper work that it confuses me to think about what else I need to do yet. ugh. This class STILL gives me anxiety and I wish I could say that that wasn't true but unfortunately that would be a lie. I'm trying to keep chuggin' along but I still don't feel great about it. I definitely need some sort of attitude adjustment...easier said then done. All I keep thinking about is getting through...which probably isn't the best thing.

On another note, I'm feeling especially emotional right now...heh. I'm not at all sure why. This week wasn't the best week as far as God time.
...By that I mean that I haven't made time for God and as result I have been trying to go, go, go with life stuff... but haven't felt okay about it. I felt SO anxious on Friday like most of the day, it was bad. The thing is though I feel like it's all my fault. I know God loves me but I get so disappointed with myself. I feel like I let Him down all the time and like I can't do anything right.

I actually slowed down today and I decided I would listen to one of Kathi's songs to do the next picture/drawing thing. It was the first time practically all week that I just took the time to sit and be quiet for a minute to be with God. It was like I felt all the weight that I've been carrying and I just lost it again. (I really don't lose it all the time, promise)

I felt so overwhelmed. All the anxieties, worries and concerns that I've been ignoring or trying to 'handle' without God hit me, hard. I can't really explain what I felt.. I know I felt bad for kind of ignoring God this week though(well not reeeally ignoring, but in my mind I might as well have been) How can I keep doing that? I know better really. bah.

Anyway, if anyone wants to listen to a GREAT sermon go here, click on the "current series" tab, it's the sermon from May 16th called Freedom/Control.

I listened to it again today and took a bunch of notes.

I'm not going to type up all of the notes but here are my favorite parts:

(First of all the sermon is about attachment and controlling things. He defined an attachment as "anything we convince ourselves we must have to be happy")

-God is creatively and actively at work with every detail in this world, even robins.

-In Luke 12 Jesus tells us not to worry, but this isn't really just about "not worrying". This is about what you believe to be true about God. He says "Why do you have so little faith?" It's not about worry, it's about TRUST.

-Do you believe that God, who sustains ALL of life (even the robins)cares about you as well? That He is for you, not against you? That when everything else falls apart He has you?

-Too often we tend to hold suspicion of God that He's not going to take care of us, or He doesn't have our best interest at heart....so WE take the reigns of life and try to control and manipulate things so that it goes just as we want, we dig our claws in.

-We shouldn't strive for what we cannot control. We try, but it doesn't work! The things we try to control end up controlling us.

-In Luke 12:32 it also says "Do not be afraid.." Fear is always behind control. Fear leads to control, control leads to attachment, and at the root of it we cling to what we are scared to lose.

-The same God who cares for the robins in your backyard cares for YOU and will not let you sink.


This sermon was crazy good. Mostly because that sums up my LIFE in a nutshell. That is me right there. I attach myself to things, and I try to control my life, and as a result I turn to my worries that I am oh-so familiar with. =/
The truth is that all too often I have a hard time believing that God really cares about me.
God is FOR me?? I would LOVE to really believe that, but why would God want to be for me?

I know that's crazy and wrong to think...but that's what goes through my head sometimes. And then I DO try to control things, because if, in my brain, God doesn't really have me or care about me I have to control things myself...right?

Gosh

L I F E.

God DOES show me He cares about me personally all the time though, despite myself. So then why am I so quick to doubt?

Despite everything I've said here I do feel like (right at this moment anyway) God cares about me deeply. Even though I haven't exactly done my part this week (in my mind...who knows what that really means) God HAS been with me and I've felt Him. He STILL loves me and cares. Wow.

Definitely still learning, and I'm sure I always will be. God never ever ceases to amaze me with His goodness.


I also wanted to post a devotion on here. It was from the day I heard that sermon on the radio, and I couldn't believe how appropriate it was.

Approach each new day with desire to find me. Before you get out of bed, I have already been working to prepare the path that will get you through this day. There are hidden treasures strategically placed along the way. Some of the treasures are trials, designed to shake you away from earth shackles. Others are blessings that reveal My presence; sunshine, flowers, birds, friendships, answered prayer. I have not abandoned this sin-wracked world; I am still richly present in it.

How great is that? :)