Amazing love

Lately, within the past couple days, I've really been struggling with THE things I alllways seem to struggle with. Things will be going good, and I'll feel like ya know, I'm starting to get this trust thing down..

and then WHAM..all the fear, all the worries, the insecurities, and this overwhelming feeling that I am inadequate in every aspect of who I am, weigh me down again.

I don't get it. I know it's a journey and there are ups and downs, but I feel like it happens so often and for me it changes so quickly. Like within days of feeling a peace and contentment I start to feel just gross again. I can try to remember that God loves me, and he has me, and that what I'm feeling is just that...a feeling and everything is okay, but that is really easier said then done. When I'm in that place I sometimes feel like NOTHING can pull me out of feeling that way.

Last night I spent the night at Shelby's and it was a good time. I really needed to be around people and it was really perfect timing for our lil' camp out to happen when it did.

On kind of a side note, God spoke to me in the MOST AMAZING way today. First I need to back track a little..

So it might sound a little strange but lately, like within the past couple of weeks I've been noticing robins.I don't know why, but I really like them. haa. I know..it's weird, why do I like robins..? But I do.

So anyway, lately I've been seeing SO many of them!It wouldn't seem so out of the ordinary except for I've never noticed them before like I have been the past couple weeks. It's not like I've even been looking for them, they just seem to pop up out nowhere and in REALLY obvious ways. Like one time one landed in the street right in front of my car when I was driving...(I wasn't driving too fast mind you..) and it like wouldn't even move when my car got close. And then another time when I was walking somewhere one flew directly in front of me so that I HAD to see it. So weird.

So lat night before I went to Shelb's I even looked up robins on the computer to see if there was any kind of symbolism in them. haha. I really felt that God was trying to get my attention or something, especially because I like robins.. But I couldn't really find anything that meant something to me from the computer.

Well today the girls were going to go to church somewhere, they hadn't decided where yet, but I knew that I personally needed to leave early to get to Kylee's and UCF since I was playing guitar at church. I got up earlier than everyone else to shower and I had to leave by 9 to get back to MU at 10.

So I get in my car and a couple songs played before a sermon started. I usually don't even listen to the radio on longer trips because I'm a fan of my ipod but at this particular time I had to go with the radio because I needed my GPS and it needed to charge since the battery was low. Therefore no ipod. ha

So the sermon starts and I thought about turning on the CD player(I know ha..come on Kari)but I figured I'd listen for a little bit. The sermon on the radio ended up being completely AMAZING. (It was all about attachment, worry, fear, control..etc.)I felt that God had orchestrated all of everything so that I could be there in THAT specific moment to hear that specific sermon. It was so great already..

As if that wasn't awesome enough, about 20 or so minutes in he starts talking about robins.

I could not b e l i e v e it.

wow.

I don't even know how to describe what I was feeling. That was clearly God and the sermon was SO directed at me and what I'm dealing with and truly struggle with..and he talked about robins!!!

?!?!

I can't even tell you how much I've been thinking about these dang robins lately and that they must have some meaning.

God spoke to me in such a REAL and personal way through that sermon and that connection with the robins. It blew me away. I was seriously in awe, and I just started to cry.

This morning was one of those times I will always remember of God expressing his love for me. It was like he was speaking directly to me, loud and clear, and in such a personal way. EXACTLY what I needed to hear.

One of the coolest parts about it is the timing of it all. It started right when I left and I got to hear the whole thing because the ride from Shelby's ended up being about an hour. (The SAME length of the church program!) wow! AND if I wouldn't have been at Shelby's or been playing that morning at UCF, I never would have heard it.

I can't wait to listen to the sermon again once they post it online. I really need some time to digest it and I'm sure after that I'll write some more thoughts on the actual sermon later when I DO have some time to digest.

:)

They haven't posted it as of yet, but when they do I'll add the link.