Well, Happy Halloween.
In honor of Halloween Pastor Duane preached his sermon this morning on fear and faith.
It could not have come at a more perfect time.
I've really been swimming in fear lately, or rather drowning in it..I should say.
Fear and Satan's lies has such a grip on my heart. This whole month of October has just been a C R A Z Y one. I've had so many ups and downs and I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster.
I'm just exhausted.
Spiritually and emotionally.
It it so draining trying to fight off the voice of the enemy in my life. I just need to run straight into God's arms and rest in Him. In His comfort and His peace, and His truth.
Sometimes Satan's voice is so loud, it's hard to know what the truth is.
Pastor Duane talked about a lot of things this morning that I want to highlight but one thing that stuck out was the word foothold. It's a weakness in our life that Satan THRIVES off of. There is one specific weakness, fear, that I constantly come back to and Satan loves to make me tremble in fear about it.
Here are some of the sermon notes I took:
-Faith is belief in what God has said. Fear is false evidence appearing real.
-Whether something is true or not, it appears true because it is believed
-It is possible to walk in faith but experience fear at the same time
-When we walk in TRUTH we are set free from fear and anxiety
"There is no fear in love[dread does not exist], but full grown love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror..." 1John 4:18
This verse has been a comfort to me..
"For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]."
Ephesians 2:10
How awesome?
It really jumped out at me how many ways planned can be said and are said in this passage..(this is the amplified version mind you)
1. Predestined
2. Planned beforehand
3. Prepared ahead of time
4. Prearranged
WOW! It was like God was shouting at me through this verse Friday morning. God has my life, I have NO reason whatsoever to worry about it. But, so why do I then?
The other passage that really helped with my struggle against those sins like I talked about, and God's disappointment is in Hebrews 12:3-11
3Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds.
4You have not yet struggled and fought agonizingly against sin, nor have you yet resisted and withstood to the point of pouring out your [own] blood.
5And have you [completely] forgotten the divine word of appeal and encouragement in which you are reasoned with and addressed as sons? My son, do not think lightly or scorn to submit to the correction and discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage and give up and faint when you are reproved or corrected by Him;
6For the Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom He loves, and He punishes, even scourges, every son whom He accepts and welcomes to His heart and cherishes.
7You must submit to and endure [correction] for discipline; God is dealing with you as with sons. For what son is there whom his father does not [thus] train and correct and discipline?
8Now if you are exempt from correction and left without discipline in which all [of God's children] share, then you are illegitimate offspring and not true sons [at all].(B)
9Moreover, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we yielded [to them] and respected [them for training us]. Shall we not much more cheerfully submit to the Father of spirits and so [truly] live?
10For [our earthly fathers] disciplined us for only a short period of time and chastised us as seemed proper and good to them; but He disciplines us for our certain good, that we may become sharers in His own holiness.
11For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness--in conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God].
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thankful Thursday :)
Yes, it's that time again for a thankful Thursday post :)
This week was sooooooooooo long. My goodness. Usually the weeks fly, but this week, it did not happen. (Was it really only a couple of days ago on Monday when I got whacked in the head with Jess's chair leg, and we had our geo-fair??)
Anyway-
-As strange as this weather has been lately I am so thankful for how gorgeous it is outside! It's SO beautiful! I'm thankful for the warm breezy day that this Thursday is and that God chooses to reveal Himself even in the colorful leaves all around. I'm so thankful that I live in this place that is PA where I can enjoy all the beautiful colors that are God's magnificent creation.
-I'm SUPER thankful that God takes a hold of my hand like NO other and doesn't let me go, even when I feel like He has. God's truths are SO much BIGGER than Satan's lies and God doesn't ever stop trying to reach me. Last night in Bible study we were in Romans 6, (the last half) discussing how we are NO longer slaves to sin, but SONS of God. We aren't slaves to sin, we are slaves to righteousness. We are free to be children of God, and He offers more and MORE grace. Amazing. I'm still trying to soak this up in my heart and really believe its truth.
"Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. Now a slave does not remain in a household permanently (forever); the son [of the house] DOES remain forever." John 8:34-35
-I'm really very thankful for music and how much of an outlet it is for me. It really helps me to relax, (and not have to think too much) when just sitting down at the keyboard playing worship songs. It's so great, and I'm thankful for my god-given ability to play and understand musical things!
-I'm thankful to be reading this book right now called "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman. (She is the wife of Steven Curtis Chapman) I went out and got the book last weekend with some leftover birthday money I had on a B&N gift card still. It's all about her journey in life and it's AWESOME. She's been through a lot, and I just love hearing about others' lives and their testimonies. It's encouraging and I find God speaking to me through HER life, which is so great. I just read a couple chapters about how she adopted three of her children from china. After she adopted her first baby from China she had a revelation from God, the first time she held her. She heard God saying this:
"You are this orphan! I adopted you and you are Mine! I bought you for a price! Do you see how you love this baby? That's just a faint reflection of how much I love you! You didn't have a name and I gave you a name. You did nothing to deserve my love, and I love you anyway. You had no hope, no future, and now you are a daughter of the King!"
Isn't that so great?! God speaks that to alll of us His children. I also find it quite amazing that it relates perfectly to Bible study from last night. God has ADOPTED US as sons (and daughters), He loved us when were unlovable and calls us HIS because He bought us! We were slaves, but now we are children. Amazing. I'm thankful.
-I said this last time, but I'm really very thankful for the people in my block section. They all make class so much fun! Today we had a Halloween day and a bunch of people brought in candy and passed it out, so we all had big piles of it on our tables. Dr. Labant does and says some interesting things sometimes and we all just laugh. It's so great. At this point in the semester we are all so familiar with each other since we have all those classes together and it's nice, I feel like we all have this common bond or something. It makes me feel happy inside..
-And now that I sound like a hippie ..ha.. I'm thankful for the upcoming weekend. :) Hopefully I'll get to relax and spend some good time with God. There is an R&R retreat this Saturday, Kylee and I are having lunch (unless baby comes ;), and our worship team is playing Sunday :) I'm so thankful for all of these things.
yayy God.
"For the wages which sin pays is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
Romans 6: 23
This week was sooooooooooo long. My goodness. Usually the weeks fly, but this week, it did not happen. (Was it really only a couple of days ago on Monday when I got whacked in the head with Jess's chair leg, and we had our geo-fair??)
Anyway-
-As strange as this weather has been lately I am so thankful for how gorgeous it is outside! It's SO beautiful! I'm thankful for the warm breezy day that this Thursday is and that God chooses to reveal Himself even in the colorful leaves all around. I'm so thankful that I live in this place that is PA where I can enjoy all the beautiful colors that are God's magnificent creation.
-I'm SUPER thankful that God takes a hold of my hand like NO other and doesn't let me go, even when I feel like He has. God's truths are SO much BIGGER than Satan's lies and God doesn't ever stop trying to reach me. Last night in Bible study we were in Romans 6, (the last half) discussing how we are NO longer slaves to sin, but SONS of God. We aren't slaves to sin, we are slaves to righteousness. We are free to be children of God, and He offers more and MORE grace. Amazing. I'm still trying to soak this up in my heart and really believe its truth.
"Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. Now a slave does not remain in a household permanently (forever); the son [of the house] DOES remain forever." John 8:34-35
-I'm really very thankful for music and how much of an outlet it is for me. It really helps me to relax, (and not have to think too much) when just sitting down at the keyboard playing worship songs. It's so great, and I'm thankful for my god-given ability to play and understand musical things!
-I'm thankful to be reading this book right now called "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman. (She is the wife of Steven Curtis Chapman) I went out and got the book last weekend with some leftover birthday money I had on a B&N gift card still. It's all about her journey in life and it's AWESOME. She's been through a lot, and I just love hearing about others' lives and their testimonies. It's encouraging and I find God speaking to me through HER life, which is so great. I just read a couple chapters about how she adopted three of her children from china. After she adopted her first baby from China she had a revelation from God, the first time she held her. She heard God saying this:
"You are this orphan! I adopted you and you are Mine! I bought you for a price! Do you see how you love this baby? That's just a faint reflection of how much I love you! You didn't have a name and I gave you a name. You did nothing to deserve my love, and I love you anyway. You had no hope, no future, and now you are a daughter of the King!"
Isn't that so great?! God speaks that to alll of us His children. I also find it quite amazing that it relates perfectly to Bible study from last night. God has ADOPTED US as sons (and daughters), He loved us when were unlovable and calls us HIS because He bought us! We were slaves, but now we are children. Amazing. I'm thankful.
-I said this last time, but I'm really very thankful for the people in my block section. They all make class so much fun! Today we had a Halloween day and a bunch of people brought in candy and passed it out, so we all had big piles of it on our tables. Dr. Labant does and says some interesting things sometimes and we all just laugh. It's so great. At this point in the semester we are all so familiar with each other since we have all those classes together and it's nice, I feel like we all have this common bond or something. It makes me feel happy inside..
-And now that I sound like a hippie ..ha.. I'm thankful for the upcoming weekend. :) Hopefully I'll get to relax and spend some good time with God. There is an R&R retreat this Saturday, Kylee and I are having lunch (unless baby comes ;), and our worship team is playing Sunday :) I'm so thankful for all of these things.
yayy God.
"For the wages which sin pays is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
Romans 6: 23
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Still chuggin' along
(May the God of peace) ..21Strengthen (complete, perfect) and make you what you ought to be and equip you with everything good that you may carry out His will; [while He Himself] works in you and accomplishes that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ (the Messiah); to Whom be the glory forever and ever (to the ages of the ages). Amen (so be it).
Hebrews 13:21
I love this verse.
I want to be so much better than I am.
Sometimes I catch glimpses of that girl that God is making me to be and I'm just trying to strive after that. It's really hard sometimes.
I can only change by coming to Him. HE is the one who strengthens me and makes me what I should be. HE equips me with everything I need! HE works in me accomplishing what is pleasing to Him.
Last night Kathi, Amanda and I finally were able to get together. Last year we were in prayer group together and have really missed just talking and praying and things so we met ...at the mall...haha of all places. It was really nice to talk again. We went a lot deeper than I or Amanda thought we would go.. There was some hard stuff discussed, at least on my end (and I think Amanda's too) but I think it was stuff we both needed to hear.
We went into a lot of stuff about my Dad, and it was really uncomfortable. I'm just confused about it right now and it's honestly the last thing I want to be thinking about and dealing with, but in a way I think it's what God wants. (For some odd reason...) Go figure.. God wants me to go where I don't want to. I'm still trying to sort through things, but we'll see how it goes.
I'm really trying to throw myself into God so that He can keep molding me. I'm really praying that He will show me the truths about who He is, because right now, with everything going on, I feel like my thoughts about Him are really clouded. =/
Hopefully it will get better soon...
Hebrews 13:21
I love this verse.
I want to be so much better than I am.
Sometimes I catch glimpses of that girl that God is making me to be and I'm just trying to strive after that. It's really hard sometimes.
I can only change by coming to Him. HE is the one who strengthens me and makes me what I should be. HE equips me with everything I need! HE works in me accomplishing what is pleasing to Him.
Last night Kathi, Amanda and I finally were able to get together. Last year we were in prayer group together and have really missed just talking and praying and things so we met ...at the mall...haha of all places. It was really nice to talk again. We went a lot deeper than I or Amanda thought we would go.. There was some hard stuff discussed, at least on my end (and I think Amanda's too) but I think it was stuff we both needed to hear.
We went into a lot of stuff about my Dad, and it was really uncomfortable. I'm just confused about it right now and it's honestly the last thing I want to be thinking about and dealing with, but in a way I think it's what God wants. (For some odd reason...) Go figure.. God wants me to go where I don't want to. I'm still trying to sort through things, but we'll see how it goes.
I'm really trying to throw myself into God so that He can keep molding me. I'm really praying that He will show me the truths about who He is, because right now, with everything going on, I feel like my thoughts about Him are really clouded. =/
Hopefully it will get better soon...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I'm struggling.
Might as well just go right out and say it.
It's sad but true. I really am struggling. =(
I wrote a post last Sunday, and then I ended up not even actually posting it because it got all to personal.
I don't know what my deal is, but inside, when I stop and think about how I'm really doing, it is NO good.
The retreat was a good time to get away, it was fun but really different than past years, (which I of course didn't like so much).
I spent some awesome time Saturday morning outside with God which I loved. The number one thing I came away with from the retreat was a soft and subtle conviction from God about certain things I need to change. I've known about them, and they are things I have struggled with before, but I think they sort of got out of control and God brought it to my attention.
I was like "oh...wow God, oh yeah I should stop doing that."
So the week after the retreat I really was thinking about these things, these sins, that I need to stop, and I need to be better. And well, I, myself cannot DO it. I've tried, and I've failed. I keep doing these things that I know are wrong and I can't STOP, as much as I want to. I know that it's God in me that will take these sins away.
The only thing is...
I feel like God is so disappointed in me most of the time. =( I mean, I know that's really not true, and God loves me. I just don't feel it. I'm so ashamed and disappointed with myself. I feel like I can't do anything right and I feel like God must be so disgusted.
As we went over Romans chapter 6 this past week in caregroup I was reminded that we are not DOers, we are BEings..(I think I have notes on this very sermon somewhere in my blog btw) I can't be better by myself, because I AM SINFUL in nature. What I need to do is go to God, and surrender to Him in honesty and HE will help me be better.
The only thing is, most of the time I really can't get past these feelings that God is looking at me with a scowl on His face when I try to talk to Him. I feel like He doesn't want me anymore because I can't stop doing the things He has brought to my attention to stop. =( It's a bad, bad cycle. I NEED to go to Him to "fix" me but I want to fix myself before I come to Him...which I can't do.
I guess it's because I'm ashamed, plain and simple. I'm soo frustrated with myself.
It's hard to because I am SO busy. I wish I had so much more time to sit with God and reflect, but I don't. So in a way I ignore it because it feels so wrong. They say you don't NEED a lot of time to sit or whatever, but that is how I personally best connect with God. (most of the time...)
I've been frustrated to that I feel like I can't keep up with people because of all the busy-ness. It's hard.
And then there's the whole deal of me not knowing what the heck I'm doing with my life after I graduate.
It's all too overwhelming.
I don't mean to be such a complainer but this is truly where I'm at right now.
It's sad but true. I really am struggling. =(
I wrote a post last Sunday, and then I ended up not even actually posting it because it got all to personal.
I don't know what my deal is, but inside, when I stop and think about how I'm really doing, it is NO good.
The retreat was a good time to get away, it was fun but really different than past years, (which I of course didn't like so much).
I spent some awesome time Saturday morning outside with God which I loved. The number one thing I came away with from the retreat was a soft and subtle conviction from God about certain things I need to change. I've known about them, and they are things I have struggled with before, but I think they sort of got out of control and God brought it to my attention.
I was like "oh...wow God, oh yeah I should stop doing that."
So the week after the retreat I really was thinking about these things, these sins, that I need to stop, and I need to be better. And well, I, myself cannot DO it. I've tried, and I've failed. I keep doing these things that I know are wrong and I can't STOP, as much as I want to. I know that it's God in me that will take these sins away.
The only thing is...
I feel like God is so disappointed in me most of the time. =( I mean, I know that's really not true, and God loves me. I just don't feel it. I'm so ashamed and disappointed with myself. I feel like I can't do anything right and I feel like God must be so disgusted.
As we went over Romans chapter 6 this past week in caregroup I was reminded that we are not DOers, we are BEings..(I think I have notes on this very sermon somewhere in my blog btw) I can't be better by myself, because I AM SINFUL in nature. What I need to do is go to God, and surrender to Him in honesty and HE will help me be better.
The only thing is, most of the time I really can't get past these feelings that God is looking at me with a scowl on His face when I try to talk to Him. I feel like He doesn't want me anymore because I can't stop doing the things He has brought to my attention to stop. =( It's a bad, bad cycle. I NEED to go to Him to "fix" me but I want to fix myself before I come to Him...which I can't do.
I guess it's because I'm ashamed, plain and simple. I'm soo frustrated with myself.
It's hard to because I am SO busy. I wish I had so much more time to sit with God and reflect, but I don't. So in a way I ignore it because it feels so wrong. They say you don't NEED a lot of time to sit or whatever, but that is how I personally best connect with God. (most of the time...)
I've been frustrated to that I feel like I can't keep up with people because of all the busy-ness. It's hard.
And then there's the whole deal of me not knowing what the heck I'm doing with my life after I graduate.
It's all too overwhelming.
I don't mean to be such a complainer but this is truly where I'm at right now.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Thankful Thursday
I'm in a pretty bad mood right now. Hate to admit it. But it's true.
It might have something to with the fact that I had crazy j block classes all day, or the million and one assignments I need to do, or the fact that I had to walk home in the rain, and then wash the full sink of dishes that some people just don't know how to PUT AWAY in the dishwasher. (come on people, not that difficult) I'm pretty frustrated, not to mention a little PO-ed.
SO, I figured it's the perfect time to do a "thankful Thursday" post. I've seen these on other blogs and thought it's a neat idea. So. here. we. go.
-I'm so thankful for the UCF retreat that is coming up this weekend. It has me a little teeeeny weeny bit stressed but I'm excited for the chance to meet some new ucf-ers that I have yet to meet. I'm excited for some quality RETREATing from my life, to take time away and not think about my crazy life right now. I'm so thankful to be able to spend the weekend with so many other believers worshiping God. I'm also so excited to just have some fuuun. :)
-I'm thankful for my new rain boots that I got to use for the first time walking home. They kept my feet and jeans niiice and dry. Thank you Target.
-I'm thankful that this week only had TWO days in it and that it is now my weekend.
-I'm thankful for people in my junior block groups that make class fun and entertaining when all I want to do is fall asleep.
-I'm so thankful for my amazing roommates who I can have loads of fun and sillyness with, but at the same time have genuine, serious conversations with.
-I'm so thankful for amazing people in my life who take the time out of their day to actually listen and talk with me. There are people in my life that truly care about me and love on me, and as much as I don't fully get it sometimes, I'm so so thankful.
-I'm thankful that I'm a senior in college and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
There are so many more, but that's good for today's. :)
I feel a little better. Everyone should try it. =]
Happy Thursday!
It might have something to with the fact that I had crazy j block classes all day, or the million and one assignments I need to do, or the fact that I had to walk home in the rain, and then wash the full sink of dishes that some people just don't know how to PUT AWAY in the dishwasher. (come on people, not that difficult) I'm pretty frustrated, not to mention a little PO-ed.
SO, I figured it's the perfect time to do a "thankful Thursday" post. I've seen these on other blogs and thought it's a neat idea. So. here. we. go.
-I'm so thankful for the UCF retreat that is coming up this weekend. It has me a little teeeeny weeny bit stressed but I'm excited for the chance to meet some new ucf-ers that I have yet to meet. I'm excited for some quality RETREATing from my life, to take time away and not think about my crazy life right now. I'm so thankful to be able to spend the weekend with so many other believers worshiping God. I'm also so excited to just have some fuuun. :)
-I'm thankful for my new rain boots that I got to use for the first time walking home. They kept my feet and jeans niiice and dry. Thank you Target.
-I'm thankful that this week only had TWO days in it and that it is now my weekend.
-I'm thankful for people in my junior block groups that make class fun and entertaining when all I want to do is fall asleep.
-I'm so thankful for my amazing roommates who I can have loads of fun and sillyness with, but at the same time have genuine, serious conversations with.
-I'm so thankful for amazing people in my life who take the time out of their day to actually listen and talk with me. There are people in my life that truly care about me and love on me, and as much as I don't fully get it sometimes, I'm so so thankful.
-I'm thankful that I'm a senior in college and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
There are so many more, but that's good for today's. :)
I feel a little better. Everyone should try it. =]
Happy Thursday!
Monday, October 11, 2010
God speaks through dreams too
This past week (last week..I should say) were j-block midterms. They were sort of brutal. We had classes on Monday and Tuesday and then 2 midterms each on Wednesday and Thursday. They were really tough, and I DID study like crazy. I studied all afternoon Tuesday and literally ALL day Wednesday, bleh. I'm so glad they're over...but at the same time nervous about the grades.
I feel like I've been on one of those "up-swings" for a while until recently. =/ I don't know what happened but it always happens I guess. Last week wasn't fun because of those tests and my cold, and right now it's fall BREAK even though it should be called anything but that. It doesn't feel like a break with all the work I've been doing today.
I feel like I've been overly distracted by other things in my life weighing on me and I haven't been coming to God enough. I just want to relax, but I'm so stressed out. :( Today a UCF newsletter was in my inbox and Kathi had written something that I can SO relate to today. That I'm distracted by life and failing to give God the attention that He SO deserves. She said it's all about Him and we tend to forget it amongst the things going on in our lives.
Lately this deep fear I have of being alone in life has been building and building and when I got home on Saturday night I felt the worst I've felt in a really long time. I HATE feelings of self-pity but I felt so worthless. Or like something MUST be wrong with me. If this doesn't make sense, put it in this context: I was at a bridal shower where allll of my friends were either married or getting married, and then I look at my own life and I'm nowhere near it right now. I know, I know, it's all well and good, I'm 21 years old, I have plenty of time, God knows... but I still broke down and I felt like crap.
This is going to sound so wrong but sometimes I feel mad at God for it. It tears me apart that I have to have such a strong desire for marriage, and a family of my own just to wait and wait....and wait some more, and meanwhile watch all of my friends (okay most of my friends) start dating, or getting engaged and married. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one or like God's forgotten about me, or just doesn't care about me. I just feel like "what about me God?"
Now let me just say a few things for the record..
1. This is so extremely personal and I'm really putting myself "out there" posting this sort of thing on my blog.
2. I know with my whole heart that this is entirely selfish.
3. I also know with my whole heart that God DOES have a plan for me. Most of the time I can trust God's plan and I'm even excited about it, but
sometimes I also think Satan really gets to me about this great fear. There are times when it all feels so frustrating and I just don't get it at all.
I understand the waiting part but it almost feels like a joke that everyone(okay again, seemingly everyone) around me has what I so badly want for myself.
So that said, Saturday night, NO good. I was a mess.
I went to sleep pretty early because I felt so drained. Here's where the dreams part from my title comes in...
I dreamed about a big ocean and water like ALL night. At least the dreams I can remember. I rarely look up meanings for dreams that I have...and when I say rarely I mean close to never have I done it before. But these dreams so effected me that I looked them up on my computer before church on Sunday.
In one of the dreams I was in a pretty calm ocean (water EVERYWHERE) and my friends were there too. They were floating in the back, but I kept diving and coming back up and bobbing all over the place. They were watching me wondering what on earth I was doing.
The other couple dreams were all about BIG waves. I mean these things were tsunamis. This time I had a house (or at least a room in a house) and me and the couple friends in my dream kept getting warnings about these torrential waters coming, more than warnings though we sort of just knew they were coming. (it was a dream okay ha) It was so scary, I could see the HUGE wall of water and I knew it would crash down on me and in my dream I was trying to figure out how to protect myself. I went under as the wave came (sort of like I do in the ocean in real life to not get pummeled heh) and it still had me tossed a lot. For parts of the dream I was just in this rough sea, being tossed by all these ginormous waves. Then I went to my house/room and it was completely destroyed. At one point I think it even caught fire.. ? Go figure. I sort of remember trying to rebuild it too.
Anyway-I woke up and I was like whoa...I need to look up the meaning for big waves.
This is what I found:
Waves
The waves in dreams may represent emotional fluctuations. If you are currently experiencing a period of tranquillity and peace, you may be dreaming about calm waters and gentle ocean waves. This dream suggests that you may be gathering energy and recharging emotionally. However, more commonly people dream of violent and dangerous tidal waves. Tidal waves or tsunamis suggest a period of emotional upheaval. Anxiety, stress, and unconscious materials may be coming to the surface and affecting your daily moods. Giant tidal waves may symbolize current emotional unhappiness and psychological stress, which are threatening to destroy you. The outcome of this dream may reveal how much strength you have to "ride out" personal storms. For example, surviving the tidal wave suggests that you have enough strength to overcome challenges and drowning that you may be "in it over your head" and should seek assistance.
Water
Water is a very common but powerful dream symbol. Its meaning varies with the details and the mood of the dream. Water is a deeply spiritual symbol representing the "water of life" or the "flow of life." Large bodies of water usually represent our unconscious minds or/and soul experiences. Water symbolizes emotions (rough, smooth, clear, murky, etc.)
First of all, howw CRAZY is that?! I definitely felt anxiety, stress, and emotional "upheaval" that night.. It's amazing that the brain can turn emotions into things like THAT. The thing that really struck me the most about the interpretations was the part that says water is "deeply spiritual"....um. okay. wow.
The CRAZIEST part of all is that I left for church, and the sermon yesterday was ALL about WATER AND WAVES!!!!!
I. could. not. comprehend. it.
I still haven't.
I'm convinced that God was speaking to me. I've heard that He speaks through dreams and just the fact of that sermon on that morning, when I had already looked it up on my computer before church!... AHHH!!!
Now okay, the sermon covered more than just waves.. but that's obviously the part that stuck out most to me.
The main scripture for the morning was psalm 93.
The parts that stuck out for me were:
3The floods have lifted up, O Lord, the floods have lifted up their voice; the floods lift up the roaring of their waves.
4The Lord on high is mightier and more glorious than the noise of many waters, yes, than the mighty breakers and waves of the sea.
5Your testimonies are very sure; holiness [apparent in separation from sin, with simple trust and hearty obedience] is becoming to Your house, O Lord, forever.
wow. I wish I could get a recording of that sermon because I feel like I might have missed something or forgotten some already.
Here are the notes I wrote down straight from the pastor's mouth:
-Water represents God and His plan.
-Wind, and water represent evil standing in the way of God. The God of the UNIVERSE is MORE powerful than these waters.
-Sea represents evil, wickedness, suffering, death
-The Father keeps His promises, He calms the sea, He wipes away the tears from our eyes
-Our God is mightier, He has the power to calm the waters.
-He is MIGHTIER than the crashing of the sea
-Our God comforts us
It might seem a bit repetitive but that's only because he was really driving these same points home.
He also discussed Rev 21.. it's one of my favorite passages from revelation. He talked about how in verse 1 it says the former earth, and sky passed away and there was no longer any SEA. It was awesome how it all clicked. There wasn't a sea because it represents suffering, and death.
Mark 4:35- was also included. It's when Jesus calms the storm. :) The wind and the waves are crashing into the boat, and the disciples are scared. They doubt that Jesus cares about them and Jesus says "Why are you so afraid, have you still no faith?"
What a comfort and peace God brought to my heart through this. I'm still SO AMAZED even just reading through this. That is no coincidence, that's God. The fact that He would even still WANT to reassure me and comfort me when I'm in one of my most selfish states is appalling.
I could write so much more about this but I don't want it to be too much longer.
I've learned that when you "step off" the ride with Jesus, (when you aren't walking as closely with Him), look out, because you are leaving yourself open for spiritual attack, and that's exactly what's been happening to me I feel. Thank goodness Jesus always pulls me back.
I feel like I've been on one of those "up-swings" for a while until recently. =/ I don't know what happened but it always happens I guess. Last week wasn't fun because of those tests and my cold, and right now it's fall BREAK even though it should be called anything but that. It doesn't feel like a break with all the work I've been doing today.
I feel like I've been overly distracted by other things in my life weighing on me and I haven't been coming to God enough. I just want to relax, but I'm so stressed out. :( Today a UCF newsletter was in my inbox and Kathi had written something that I can SO relate to today. That I'm distracted by life and failing to give God the attention that He SO deserves. She said it's all about Him and we tend to forget it amongst the things going on in our lives.
Lately this deep fear I have of being alone in life has been building and building and when I got home on Saturday night I felt the worst I've felt in a really long time. I HATE feelings of self-pity but I felt so worthless. Or like something MUST be wrong with me. If this doesn't make sense, put it in this context: I was at a bridal shower where allll of my friends were either married or getting married, and then I look at my own life and I'm nowhere near it right now. I know, I know, it's all well and good, I'm 21 years old, I have plenty of time, God knows... but I still broke down and I felt like crap.
This is going to sound so wrong but sometimes I feel mad at God for it. It tears me apart that I have to have such a strong desire for marriage, and a family of my own just to wait and wait....and wait some more, and meanwhile watch all of my friends (okay most of my friends) start dating, or getting engaged and married. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one or like God's forgotten about me, or just doesn't care about me. I just feel like "what about me God?"
Now let me just say a few things for the record..
1. This is so extremely personal and I'm really putting myself "out there" posting this sort of thing on my blog.
2. I know with my whole heart that this is entirely selfish.
3. I also know with my whole heart that God DOES have a plan for me. Most of the time I can trust God's plan and I'm even excited about it, but
sometimes I also think Satan really gets to me about this great fear. There are times when it all feels so frustrating and I just don't get it at all.
I understand the waiting part but it almost feels like a joke that everyone(okay again, seemingly everyone) around me has what I so badly want for myself.
So that said, Saturday night, NO good. I was a mess.
I went to sleep pretty early because I felt so drained. Here's where the dreams part from my title comes in...
I dreamed about a big ocean and water like ALL night. At least the dreams I can remember. I rarely look up meanings for dreams that I have...and when I say rarely I mean close to never have I done it before. But these dreams so effected me that I looked them up on my computer before church on Sunday.
In one of the dreams I was in a pretty calm ocean (water EVERYWHERE) and my friends were there too. They were floating in the back, but I kept diving and coming back up and bobbing all over the place. They were watching me wondering what on earth I was doing.
The other couple dreams were all about BIG waves. I mean these things were tsunamis. This time I had a house (or at least a room in a house) and me and the couple friends in my dream kept getting warnings about these torrential waters coming, more than warnings though we sort of just knew they were coming. (it was a dream okay ha) It was so scary, I could see the HUGE wall of water and I knew it would crash down on me and in my dream I was trying to figure out how to protect myself. I went under as the wave came (sort of like I do in the ocean in real life to not get pummeled heh) and it still had me tossed a lot. For parts of the dream I was just in this rough sea, being tossed by all these ginormous waves. Then I went to my house/room and it was completely destroyed. At one point I think it even caught fire.. ? Go figure. I sort of remember trying to rebuild it too.
Anyway-I woke up and I was like whoa...I need to look up the meaning for big waves.
This is what I found:
Waves
The waves in dreams may represent emotional fluctuations. If you are currently experiencing a period of tranquillity and peace, you may be dreaming about calm waters and gentle ocean waves. This dream suggests that you may be gathering energy and recharging emotionally. However, more commonly people dream of violent and dangerous tidal waves. Tidal waves or tsunamis suggest a period of emotional upheaval. Anxiety, stress, and unconscious materials may be coming to the surface and affecting your daily moods. Giant tidal waves may symbolize current emotional unhappiness and psychological stress, which are threatening to destroy you. The outcome of this dream may reveal how much strength you have to "ride out" personal storms. For example, surviving the tidal wave suggests that you have enough strength to overcome challenges and drowning that you may be "in it over your head" and should seek assistance.
Water
Water is a very common but powerful dream symbol. Its meaning varies with the details and the mood of the dream. Water is a deeply spiritual symbol representing the "water of life" or the "flow of life." Large bodies of water usually represent our unconscious minds or/and soul experiences. Water symbolizes emotions (rough, smooth, clear, murky, etc.)
First of all, howw CRAZY is that?! I definitely felt anxiety, stress, and emotional "upheaval" that night.. It's amazing that the brain can turn emotions into things like THAT. The thing that really struck me the most about the interpretations was the part that says water is "deeply spiritual"....um. okay. wow.
The CRAZIEST part of all is that I left for church, and the sermon yesterday was ALL about WATER AND WAVES!!!!!
I. could. not. comprehend. it.
I still haven't.
I'm convinced that God was speaking to me. I've heard that He speaks through dreams and just the fact of that sermon on that morning, when I had already looked it up on my computer before church!... AHHH!!!
Now okay, the sermon covered more than just waves.. but that's obviously the part that stuck out most to me.
The main scripture for the morning was psalm 93.
The parts that stuck out for me were:
3The floods have lifted up, O Lord, the floods have lifted up their voice; the floods lift up the roaring of their waves.
4The Lord on high is mightier and more glorious than the noise of many waters, yes, than the mighty breakers and waves of the sea.
5Your testimonies are very sure; holiness [apparent in separation from sin, with simple trust and hearty obedience] is becoming to Your house, O Lord, forever.
wow. I wish I could get a recording of that sermon because I feel like I might have missed something or forgotten some already.
Here are the notes I wrote down straight from the pastor's mouth:
-Water represents God and His plan.
-Wind, and water represent evil standing in the way of God. The God of the UNIVERSE is MORE powerful than these waters.
-Sea represents evil, wickedness, suffering, death
-The Father keeps His promises, He calms the sea, He wipes away the tears from our eyes
-Our God is mightier, He has the power to calm the waters.
-He is MIGHTIER than the crashing of the sea
-Our God comforts us
It might seem a bit repetitive but that's only because he was really driving these same points home.
He also discussed Rev 21.. it's one of my favorite passages from revelation. He talked about how in verse 1 it says the former earth, and sky passed away and there was no longer any SEA. It was awesome how it all clicked. There wasn't a sea because it represents suffering, and death.
Mark 4:35- was also included. It's when Jesus calms the storm. :) The wind and the waves are crashing into the boat, and the disciples are scared. They doubt that Jesus cares about them and Jesus says "Why are you so afraid, have you still no faith?"
What a comfort and peace God brought to my heart through this. I'm still SO AMAZED even just reading through this. That is no coincidence, that's God. The fact that He would even still WANT to reassure me and comfort me when I'm in one of my most selfish states is appalling.
I could write so much more about this but I don't want it to be too much longer.
I've learned that when you "step off" the ride with Jesus, (when you aren't walking as closely with Him), look out, because you are leaving yourself open for spiritual attack, and that's exactly what's been happening to me I feel. Thank goodness Jesus always pulls me back.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Slooooow dowwwn....
Lately I've been very busy.
I actually like keeping busy, and most of the time I really don't mind it, it's fine, I'm okay. I can "handle" it all, I have my To-Do lists, going from one thing to the next is great,
except when it's not. hah.
This weekend I could feel God's distinct tug on my heart telling me to
S L O W D O W N.
"Your doing too much!" I could hear God whispering to my heart. So I stopped to think about it yesterday and I was like...Oh my gosh, God You're right! (duh..)I have been super consumed with just the busy-ness of all the stuff going on and it's not until I actually STOP, and take a breather that I can feel how overwhelmed I actually am.
It's a strange feeling when your going and going, things feel fine, great even, but then when you stop, it all hits and it's like stress overload. (and when I say "you" I really mean "me". ha)
There are so many things that I feel like I'm trying to balance and take care of and remember and it's honestly just overwhelming. Especially when I don't take enough me and God time amongst all the busy-ness. It makes everything ten times more draining.
I've been going from one thing to the next, my weekends in October are PACKED, which I like, but at the same time I NEED quiet God time, with just me and God.
I mean, come on, everyone needs that. (EVEN Jesus did)
So tonight I took my breather, and what a relief.
I can't even begin to express how much I treasure these times.
I spent some time praying, reading, and journaling and I LOVEEE it. Gosh.. love it so much. (..although I did feel kinda bad for locking myself in my room while my roommies are out "there" chillin')I just so badly needed it though.
So this week has been crazy. Something happened to me on Monday that really shook me up. I don't want to get into it TOO much because it was so upsetting..buut
I got in a little car accident in the Giant parking lot.
It happened like this:
I was backing out, I was about half way or more out of my space when I saw that the big SUV behind me also started backing out. I honked at him once, and he kept going. I honked at him AGAIN, and he still kept going! At this point I was really far out of my space so I couldn't just go back in. And the next thing I knew he had crashed into me.
Since I was so panicked my brain temporarily forgot what the HECK information I'm supposed to collect when an accident happens. (I've never been in an accident) So long story short, I didn't get the info I really should have for the insurance. Since it wasn't my fault the other guy should have to pay, but he's not because I didn't get the info I should have right then.
Now all this isn't that big of a deal, except that it kind of IS because my dad is INSANE when it comes to cars. Any little, tiny, minuscule scratch he sees on my car he comments on. He'll spend hours trying to see if he can get it out. So you can only imagine how he felt about this.
He gave me an EXTREMELY hard time about doing everything ALL wrong on the scene and pretty much made my life a nightmare for the first half of the week.
I kid you not. I was an emotional wreck. I'm doing a lot better because I've tried really hard to put it out of mind, and it's sort of over/settled (as much as it will be)
This whole situation really just opened scars that were closed up from my past. Things like this used to happen with my dad when I was younger a lot. And then when I was older it was less, and it hasn't happened in a LONG time, before now. It has me really confused and seriously messed up inside.
I hate that he has so much power over me and can effect my brain and my life so much but he does.
The way he went about things was the opposite of loving, and really condemning. It was something that had already happened, and I couldn't change it, but that didn't stop him from constantly blaming me an telling me how wrong I was. I'm not sure if it made him feel better but it sure made me feel like crap.
I instantly was reminded of how I've connected this earthly relationship with my relationship with my heavenly Father. I'm pretty sure it's the reason why I so often have struggled with feeling condemnation from my sin and feeling like God is always mad at me. (this struggle hasn't effected me since at least last semester like it has before) I've KNOWN God loves me and forgives me and doesn't HOLD my sin against me. For some reason though after this, it was like God was different again. I sort of wondered if He was mad too.
Like ...?!? It's just plain gross how that can happen.
Tonight God really reassured me that he is not disappointed in me. He loves me more than any earthly father ever could. I'm HIS daughter, His child who He loves more than I could possibly imagine. He's the one who got me through it and helps me to be okay with it.
I'm still trying to sort through all my feelings related to all that, it's difficult and hard to do but I'm reassured because God is on my side. :)
Besides that I've been trying to keep up as best I can with J-block. I've been keeping up okay, but there isn't much working ahead...well at all. ha.
I've been trying to get student teaching clearances, paper work, and such together.
Trying to keep up with my social life AND have God time, and relax time in there too.
I cleaned the house a lot today but I didn't get a chance to do any work. This morning was the "walk 4 water" to raise money for clean water in Rwanda.
I wanted to back out of it this morning because I didn't realize how much STUFF I had going on this weekend. (my Friday unexpectedly disappeared when we left for the wedding wayy earlier than I thought we would) In the end though, I decided to go and I'm glad I did. It was awesomely encouraging and inspiring. We walked only a mile carrying a gallon of water, but it was good to make us think. There was lunch and a little concert which was nice.
Along with journaling and praying I also got to spend some time looking at the R and R booklet and journaling about it. I want to talk it through with someone before I write about it though.
I just love how God can fill me with strength, give me peace, and help me to BREATHE and relax in His presence. He reminds me who I am and why I'm really here.
I wrote down in my journal tonight that God overwhelms me in a good way. This love is so great that it knocks me down and steels my breath away. It turns me inside out and brings me to happy tears.
All of my life here is all for YOU God. =)
I actually like keeping busy, and most of the time I really don't mind it, it's fine, I'm okay. I can "handle" it all, I have my To-Do lists, going from one thing to the next is great,
except when it's not. hah.
This weekend I could feel God's distinct tug on my heart telling me to
S L O W D O W N.
"Your doing too much!" I could hear God whispering to my heart. So I stopped to think about it yesterday and I was like...Oh my gosh, God You're right! (duh..)I have been super consumed with just the busy-ness of all the stuff going on and it's not until I actually STOP, and take a breather that I can feel how overwhelmed I actually am.
It's a strange feeling when your going and going, things feel fine, great even, but then when you stop, it all hits and it's like stress overload. (and when I say "you" I really mean "me". ha)
There are so many things that I feel like I'm trying to balance and take care of and remember and it's honestly just overwhelming. Especially when I don't take enough me and God time amongst all the busy-ness. It makes everything ten times more draining.
I've been going from one thing to the next, my weekends in October are PACKED, which I like, but at the same time I NEED quiet God time, with just me and God.
I mean, come on, everyone needs that. (EVEN Jesus did)
So tonight I took my breather, and what a relief.
I can't even begin to express how much I treasure these times.
I spent some time praying, reading, and journaling and I LOVEEE it. Gosh.. love it so much. (..although I did feel kinda bad for locking myself in my room while my roommies are out "there" chillin')I just so badly needed it though.
So this week has been crazy. Something happened to me on Monday that really shook me up. I don't want to get into it TOO much because it was so upsetting..buut
I got in a little car accident in the Giant parking lot.
It happened like this:
I was backing out, I was about half way or more out of my space when I saw that the big SUV behind me also started backing out. I honked at him once, and he kept going. I honked at him AGAIN, and he still kept going! At this point I was really far out of my space so I couldn't just go back in. And the next thing I knew he had crashed into me.
Since I was so panicked my brain temporarily forgot what the HECK information I'm supposed to collect when an accident happens. (I've never been in an accident) So long story short, I didn't get the info I really should have for the insurance. Since it wasn't my fault the other guy should have to pay, but he's not because I didn't get the info I should have right then.
Now all this isn't that big of a deal, except that it kind of IS because my dad is INSANE when it comes to cars. Any little, tiny, minuscule scratch he sees on my car he comments on. He'll spend hours trying to see if he can get it out. So you can only imagine how he felt about this.
He gave me an EXTREMELY hard time about doing everything ALL wrong on the scene and pretty much made my life a nightmare for the first half of the week.
I kid you not. I was an emotional wreck. I'm doing a lot better because I've tried really hard to put it out of mind, and it's sort of over/settled (as much as it will be)
This whole situation really just opened scars that were closed up from my past. Things like this used to happen with my dad when I was younger a lot. And then when I was older it was less, and it hasn't happened in a LONG time, before now. It has me really confused and seriously messed up inside.
I hate that he has so much power over me and can effect my brain and my life so much but he does.
The way he went about things was the opposite of loving, and really condemning. It was something that had already happened, and I couldn't change it, but that didn't stop him from constantly blaming me an telling me how wrong I was. I'm not sure if it made him feel better but it sure made me feel like crap.
I instantly was reminded of how I've connected this earthly relationship with my relationship with my heavenly Father. I'm pretty sure it's the reason why I so often have struggled with feeling condemnation from my sin and feeling like God is always mad at me. (this struggle hasn't effected me since at least last semester like it has before) I've KNOWN God loves me and forgives me and doesn't HOLD my sin against me. For some reason though after this, it was like God was different again. I sort of wondered if He was mad too.
Like ...?!? It's just plain gross how that can happen.
Tonight God really reassured me that he is not disappointed in me. He loves me more than any earthly father ever could. I'm HIS daughter, His child who He loves more than I could possibly imagine. He's the one who got me through it and helps me to be okay with it.
I'm still trying to sort through all my feelings related to all that, it's difficult and hard to do but I'm reassured because God is on my side. :)
Besides that I've been trying to keep up as best I can with J-block. I've been keeping up okay, but there isn't much working ahead...well at all. ha.
I've been trying to get student teaching clearances, paper work, and such together.
Trying to keep up with my social life AND have God time, and relax time in there too.
I cleaned the house a lot today but I didn't get a chance to do any work. This morning was the "walk 4 water" to raise money for clean water in Rwanda.
I wanted to back out of it this morning because I didn't realize how much STUFF I had going on this weekend. (my Friday unexpectedly disappeared when we left for the wedding wayy earlier than I thought we would) In the end though, I decided to go and I'm glad I did. It was awesomely encouraging and inspiring. We walked only a mile carrying a gallon of water, but it was good to make us think. There was lunch and a little concert which was nice.
Along with journaling and praying I also got to spend some time looking at the R and R booklet and journaling about it. I want to talk it through with someone before I write about it though.
I just love how God can fill me with strength, give me peace, and help me to BREATHE and relax in His presence. He reminds me who I am and why I'm really here.
I wrote down in my journal tonight that God overwhelms me in a good way. This love is so great that it knocks me down and steels my breath away. It turns me inside out and brings me to happy tears.
All of my life here is all for YOU God. =)
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