Slooooow dowwwn....

Lately I've been very busy.

I actually like keeping busy, and most of the time I really don't mind it, it's fine, I'm okay. I can "handle" it all, I have my To-Do lists, going from one thing to the next is great,

except when it's not. hah.

This weekend I could feel God's distinct tug on my heart telling me to

S L O W D O W N.

"Your doing too much!" I could hear God whispering to my heart. So I stopped to think about it yesterday and I was like...Oh my gosh, God You're right! (duh..)I have been super consumed with just the busy-ness of all the stuff going on and it's not until I actually STOP, and take a breather that I can feel how overwhelmed I actually am.

It's a strange feeling when your going and going, things feel fine, great even, but then when you stop, it all hits and it's like stress overload. (and when I say "you" I really mean "me". ha)

There are so many things that I feel like I'm trying to balance and take care of and remember and it's honestly just overwhelming. Especially when I don't take enough me and God time amongst all the busy-ness. It makes everything ten times more draining.

I've been going from one thing to the next, my weekends in October are PACKED, which I like, but at the same time I NEED quiet God time, with just me and God.

I mean, come on, everyone needs that. (EVEN Jesus did)

So tonight I took my breather, and what a relief.
I can't even begin to express how much I treasure these times.

I spent some time praying, reading, and journaling and I LOVEEE it. Gosh.. love it so much. (..although I did feel kinda bad for locking myself in my room while my roommies are out "there" chillin')I just so badly needed it though.


So this week has been crazy. Something happened to me on Monday that really shook me up. I don't want to get into it TOO much because it was so upsetting..buut
I got in a little car accident in the Giant parking lot.

It happened like this:

I was backing out, I was about half way or more out of my space when I saw that the big SUV behind me also started backing out. I honked at him once, and he kept going. I honked at him AGAIN, and he still kept going! At this point I was really far out of my space so I couldn't just go back in. And the next thing I knew he had crashed into me.

Since I was so panicked my brain temporarily forgot what the HECK information I'm supposed to collect when an accident happens. (I've never been in an accident) So long story short, I didn't get the info I really should have for the insurance. Since it wasn't my fault the other guy should have to pay, but he's not because I didn't get the info I should have right then.

Now all this isn't that big of a deal, except that it kind of IS because my dad is INSANE when it comes to cars. Any little, tiny, minuscule scratch he sees on my car he comments on. He'll spend hours trying to see if he can get it out. So you can only imagine how he felt about this.
He gave me an EXTREMELY hard time about doing everything ALL wrong on the scene and pretty much made my life a nightmare for the first half of the week.

I kid you not. I was an emotional wreck. I'm doing a lot better because I've tried really hard to put it out of mind, and it's sort of over/settled (as much as it will be)


This whole situation really just opened scars that were closed up from my past. Things like this used to happen with my dad when I was younger a lot. And then when I was older it was less, and it hasn't happened in a LONG time, before now. It has me really confused and seriously messed up inside.
I hate that he has so much power over me and can effect my brain and my life so much but he does.

The way he went about things was the opposite of loving, and really condemning. It was something that had already happened, and I couldn't change it, but that didn't stop him from constantly blaming me an telling me how wrong I was. I'm not sure if it made him feel better but it sure made me feel like crap.

I instantly was reminded of how I've connected this earthly relationship with my relationship with my heavenly Father. I'm pretty sure it's the reason why I so often have struggled with feeling condemnation from my sin and feeling like God is always mad at me. (this struggle hasn't effected me since at least last semester like it has before) I've KNOWN God loves me and forgives me and doesn't HOLD my sin against me. For some reason though after this, it was like God was different again. I sort of wondered if He was mad too.

Like ...?!? It's just plain gross how that can happen.

Tonight God really reassured me that he is not disappointed in me. He loves me more than any earthly father ever could. I'm HIS daughter, His child who He loves more than I could possibly imagine. He's the one who got me through it and helps me to be okay with it.
I'm still trying to sort through all my feelings related to all that, it's difficult and hard to do but I'm reassured because God is on my side. :)


Besides that I've been trying to keep up as best I can with J-block. I've been keeping up okay, but there isn't much working ahead...well at all. ha.
I've been trying to get student teaching clearances, paper work, and such together.
Trying to keep up with my social life AND have God time, and relax time in there too.

I cleaned the house a lot today but I didn't get a chance to do any work. This morning was the "walk 4 water" to raise money for clean water in Rwanda.

I wanted to back out of it this morning because I didn't realize how much STUFF I had going on this weekend. (my Friday unexpectedly disappeared when we left for the wedding wayy earlier than I thought we would) In the end though, I decided to go and I'm glad I did. It was awesomely encouraging and inspiring. We walked only a mile carrying a gallon of water, but it was good to make us think. There was lunch and a little concert which was nice.

Along with journaling and praying I also got to spend some time looking at the R and R booklet and journaling about it. I want to talk it through with someone before I write about it though.

I just love how God can fill me with strength, give me peace, and help me to BREATHE and relax in His presence. He reminds me who I am and why I'm really here.

I wrote down in my journal tonight that God overwhelms me in a good way. This love is so great that it knocks me down and steels my breath away. It turns me inside out and brings me to happy tears.
All of my life here is all for YOU God. =)